BEEBEE KEW!

you have to make your own barbecue sauce.
i mean, c'mon, dudes-
ready made jar sauce is not the path to glory.
that's the truth.
if you can tune it, adjust it, modify, ameliorate, and improve upon
the existing foundation of saucely sexxxiness, i think you owe it to yourself,
and to the spirit and memory of sandwich week,
to make sure what you've got going on goes off the charts, and up the scale,
all the way to eleven.
right?
F* yeah!
to that end,
i got it right, and stood righteously at the stovetop,
basting my browned up bits in BBQ boomfire.
guys,
day seven wasn't nothin'  to F* with:

BARBIE CUTE!!
word up.
i had bread on hand, of course-
i've been baking like crazy every danged day-
i had my expert homemade from-scratch seitan, too.
seriously, if you make it once a week, or even every ten days,
you'll always have just what you want at your fingertips.
unless you want to be a lazy lil bihhhhh.....
then i guess you either buy it, or go without;
but that sure sounds like weak sauce to me,.
ANYway,
it's a simple thing to whip up some sultry spicy smoky sauce-
here's the latest and greatest recipe, from me to you:
-
*
BARBECUTIONER!
-
in a small mixing bowl, combine:
3 T black pepper ketchup;
1 T dark agave;
1 T maple syrup;
1 T organic sweet ketchup;
1 tsp malt vinegar;
2 T horseradish dijon mustard;
1 tsp tamari;
1 tsp sriracha;
1/2 tsp ea. GPOP;
1 T nutritional yeast;
1/4 tsp cumin;
1/2 tsp smoked paprika;
1/4 tsp thyme;
5 shakes of liquid smoke.
SHABOOYA!
that's the roll call, y'all, for huge flavor.
stir it up, and let it rest for at least thirty minutes-
although all day, or even overnight, is much much better-
if time is a luxxxury you've got, let it marinate- if it's not, it'll still work out pretty good.
don't worry about it, just add the things you like, and you'll be okay.
-
you got bread, so toast it-
i did mine up properly, browned and crisped on a griddle, with a drizzle of olive oil.
i had some cabbage, about a cup and a half, and i charred that up right afterwards.
pickles?
you know it.
pickles are good on barbecue.
try it... i think you'll agree.
pickled onions?
man, listen- those soft supple pink ribbons are DELICIOUS.
it's like they were made for  this sandwich.
mmmmhmmm.
in fact, they were made for sandwich week.
-
*
PEEKOOO UNYUNZ!!
-
one red onion sliced thin,
barley covered in cider vinegar,
with a dash of pink salt, a double-dash of raw sugar;
black peppercorns, mustard seeds, caraway seeds, celery seeds, coriander seeds,
and a lil baby bit of crushed red pepper flake-
brought up to a boil and simmered until supple-
if you mess that up, you're fired.
it's like fifteen minutes, man.
you can do it.
*
you want that new hottness?
well, you can HAVE that new hottness:

THAT'S HOW YOU MAKE A SANDWICH, SON!
a slap of kale slaw-
shredded baby kale, and julienned orange and purple carrot,
plus some shaved red cabbage,
pink salt, black pepper, and a dash of cider vinegar-
shaken until wilted, and generously applied to the thing-
look, guys, a good sandwich can be the make or the break
between a great weekend and a gratingly weak-end.
i choose to supply myself with all the nutrients and nourishment i can possibly handle.
there's no room, and no time, to chump out-
-
i had two cups of ripped seitan, tossed in organic non-GMO cornstarch, salt, and pepper-
pan fried in olive oil, and liberally doused in sauce-
three times i hit it up with the sauce.
yup.
i dunked 'em and let it soak in, seared up the outside,
and then hit it again, and then again.
too much is the right amount,
and if you aren't trying to get lost in the sauce,
what the F* are you even doing with your life??
***********
sandwich week is eight days long.
today is sunday, the eighth.
that means this is IT.
the last day.
and i'm a little disappointed.
yeah. i am.
i have MORE ideas for 'guinis,
but, like diondre cole says: we outta time...
who knows, though-
today could be a maelstrom of sandwiches,
in a plethora of buns,
making flavors and tastes and exxxplosions of culinary delight.
then again,
i'm craving sauce.
tomato sauce.
and i haven't done an unchik'n parm yet, have i?
this could be the way it goes down, duders.
i s'pose we'll have to wait and see.
***********
i incubated a rhinovirus in my skull.
uh-huh.
some effing A*-hole must've breathed the wrong way,
and i accidentally inhaled a real flippin' bummer of a head cold.
when i get sick, which isn't often, it's ALWAYS in my sinus cavity.
a pounding kettle drum of disease,
a mucousy matryoshka of compound calamities,
stacked and nested in increasingly irritating degrees of severity.
it has to get worse, before it gets better, i've heard.
i don't see why it has to be like that,
but if rules is rules, then so be it.
what i'm really wondering is: who the heck gave me this thing?
i suspect the filthy drunken dirties of portland, honestly.
i mean, if i'm assigning blame,
i'm handing all of it over to drunk people.
...because, F* them.
meanwhile,
i'm snifflin' and drippin', sneezin' and coughin',
but,
i'm also still making sandwiches,
and i'll be spreading these germs all day
while i'm tatzapping the crap out of the full day's worth of clients.
uh-huh.
real life doesn't care if you're sick.
not one bit-
so neither do i;
never quiet, never soft.....

BANG BANG!!!

what's my favorite sandwich?
the banh mi.
hands down, no contest.
i make, and eat, a LOT of sandwiches,
but the number one jaun i enjoy the most, and most often,
is for sure, and without question, the big action activated banh mi.
that's the truth.
i like it so much, i make one for every single sandwich week.
yup.
huh
well, no, i don't make it the same, of course.
that'd be boring and unremarkable, so i freak it off a bit,
and i turn it up a little, and i get busy with the burliness,
and the spiciness, and the crunchiness,
and then i add a little bit MORE.
mmhmm.
too much is the right amount,
and nothing encourages and celebrates excess like an exceptional banh mi.
you don't agree?
oh. you DO agree!
nice.
check out the latest and greatest, via the day-6-type teleport:

BANG BANGIN' BANG BANG!!
word.
the bread is key.
and the key to the bread is to let it rise as loaves, barely touching,
for most of the bulk-up.
also,
i always add 30% non-dairy milk to the liquid.
it seems to make a difference.
here's the recipe:
-
*
BANH!
-
in your trusty and laudable stand-upright mechanical mixer,
with the dough hook attached, combine:
2 cups bread flour;
1 1/2 tsp salt;
1 pkg active yeast;
1 tsp sugar;
3 T olive oil;
-
pour in, to knead:
2/3 cup hot water;
1/3 cup non-dairy s'milk;
1 T agave;
2 tsp bread machine yeast, bloomed 10 minutes.
-
add more flour if necessary, but beat it up on medium speed for 10 minutes,
and rest it, covered, while your oven preheats to 375℉.
divide the dough into thirds, and roll, tuck, and fold all three into long lovely loaves.
let 'em rise twenty minutes before scoring the tops, and bakling them, barely touching,
for twenty MORE minutes.
if these don't rock you like a hurricane, then it's likely you are unrockable.
real talk.
neighbors,
once they've been split, buttered, and pan toasted, the bread all by itself
is an exxxplosion of hottness you'll be blown away by-
and then, once that's on the table, the real party gets started-
*
the stacks on stacks of flavor and power and glory contained in this thing are expert.
i mean it.
here's a list of all the stuff that coexists on top of the bread:
pea shoots;
pickles;
shredded cucumber;
AVO-F*ING-CADO;
microgreens;
shaved red onion rings;
rice-wine pickled carrot and radish;
mint, basil, cilantro, and jalapeno sprankles;
sriracha;
vegan mayo;
& green dragon sauce!
dudes,
those are just the easy ready to go bits.
that's not even all there is going on on this kaleidoscope of flavor!
-
*
y'ever cold pickle carrots and radishes?
it's so ridiculously easy, you'll wonder why you don't do it more often...
that's half a small orange carrot, and half a small purple carrot, and two red radishes,
slices, julienned, and dunked in a 70/30 rice wine vinegar/water bath,
barely covering them all,
with pink salt and a pinch of sugar added to take the edge off-
let it all sit there, covered, for twenty minutes.
when you open it, if it doesn't have a subtly farty smell, it's not ready.
don't worry, the aroma does NOT carry over, not one little tiny bit.
i'm sure science has a reason for all of that,
but i'm much more interested in putting it in my face.
yup.
and i did, and it was tight and TILTY af.
*
but,
then i also turned it up even MORE.
i did.
i had sourdough baking at 465℉-
rules is rules, and twice a week, i bake breakfast bread, bro.
anyway, afterwards, the oven was still pretty effin' hot, like around four hundo,
so i threw a sweet potato, sliced into discs, gently salted and olive oiled,
into the oven and let 'em get golden on the edges-
then i tossed 'em into a hot pan, and caramelized the whole bunch
with a few tablespoons of sweet and spicy mae ploy SAUCE!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
y'all ain't never ever even had this much boomfire in one spot ever before in your LIFE!!!

C'MON!!!!
that's the big sexxxy comin' correct and in F*ing full effect...
*
y'see that coconut-oil fried exxxtra-crispy tofu?
that's the way really-real kung fu tofu dudes get busy.
no sad squishers for us, buddy.
no way.
...and lemme tell you-
the double dragon sriracha and green sauce tandem twosome
really turns the whole dang thing up to eleven, again.
like, if eleven went to eleven, THIS is how it would happen.
MORE sauce, MORE ingredients,
MORE flavors, MORE pickles and cukes-
this sandwich is THE ONE.
my favorite day of sandwich week is whichever day has banh mi.
-
...and to think that it took an impending divorce,
and hiding out in hawaii with my homeboy, sixxx long years ago,
to introduce me to this super-official ultra-expert sarnie.
looks like somebody definitely has the secret universal plan to thank
for replacing the old and the busted with so much elite new hottness,
up to, and including a whole realm of previously unknown sandwich styles.
i guess it takes a little bit of perspective to really see how much winning
a little loss can invite to the party!
no jokes,
i enjoy a good banh mi much much more than i was ever any good at being married.
awwww, man.
but, i mean,
LOOK:

right?!?
that's all you need.
***********
and now, it's the weekend.
we've got tattoos out the wazoo to do at AMPERSAND TATTOO
all day every day.
...and that's a good thing.
these days and nights,
under a fresh blanket,
and under a fresh blanket of snow,
are great ones.
i mean, it's ALL really happening,
and that's flippin' terrific.
i make the sandwiches. i eat the the sandwiches.
i do the tattoos, i get those movie checks,
and i but the groceries to make MORE sandwiches-
it's all art, and all nourishment, and all precisely the proper path to pursue.
i am grateful for the time i have been given, guys.
there's nothing else besides this moment, each and every moment,
then and now and later, too.
big action, creation, cultivation, communication, consumption,
collaboration, cooperation-
it's all unfolding along the blueprints of a bigger and better picture-
one minute at a time;
never quiet, never soft.....

WILDEBEEST!

if buffalo is good,
and it's pretty flippin' good,
then the new hottness that we use over here has to be something else.
i'm just sayin', it's BETTER.
now, it's a distant relative, for sure, with similar traits and components,
but it sure as sht isn't the same.
no way.
because we turn it up to eleven,
and freak it off, and freak it out,
and boost the whole flavor profile way up and over the top,
because too much is the right amount,
and there's no room, nor time,
for effing around with a weak watery babyish b!tch-sap sauce.
that's the truth.
so,
if it isn't buffalo,
then not for nothin', but it's kinda GOT TO be wildebeest, bro.
yuuuup.
we're wild'n' out SO hard.
...and before you get at me with the sauce being named after a city-
lemme just say this:
have you ever been to buffalo?
then you'll know that that's not invited, either.
ha!
now, do y'all want the recipe for our version again or not?
you do?
ok.
but first, check the teleport:

WILDEBEEST CAULIFLOWER, DUDES!!!
y'all ain't ready for this much boomfire.
the toasted bread was tight af.
the sauces were both righteous.
the cauliflower was soft but firm and richly flavored from the get go.
basically,
sandwich week has remained immersed in a tradition of excellence,
and that's the only thing i'm focusing on.
consistent expert activation, between my fresh, hot buns.
ummmmm, yeah.
ANYway,
back to the sauce:
-
* 
BUFFY THE BEST 'BEEST!
-
1/4 cup vegenaise;
1/4 cup frank's red hot;
2 T sriracha;
1 T nootch;
1/2 tsp ea GPOP;
1 tsp hot paprika;
1/2 tsp smoked paprika.
stirred and blended, rested and allowed to marry together in homogeneous hottness.
-
i pan seared two cups of cut up cauliflower,
until it charred a bit on the bottoms,
and then i tossed it in the sauce, and baked it for fifteen at 375℉.
the remaining sauce got a tablespoon of pickle brine,
and i poured all of that on top of the cauliflower, and baked it for five more.
what's that? how DEEP is the flavor?
mariana trench deep, neighbors.
it's too frickin' good.
which is another way of sayin' it's just right.
look again:

F* YES!!!
-
and then there's also slivered celery,
and red and green shredded cabbage, with pruple carrot, sated, peppered,
and tossed with a small spoonful of vegenaise, for a turbo-crawnchy slaw.
and red onion is ALWAYS invited to buffalo town.
but were there any sprankles?
OBVI.
rules is rules.
...and it's not like i'm some half-stepper, man.
cilantro sprigs did the job with efficacy.
*
the buns were homemade, of course.
that's a two-parter-
one- homemade tastes better.
two- good bread makes better people.
real talk.
the recipe is right here:
-
*
BUN-ROLLS PLEASE!
-
in your stand mixer, with the dough hook on, knead up:
2+ cups flour ( 1 cup bread flour, 1 cup a.p.);
11/2 tsp salt;
1 pkg (1 T) active dry yeast;
3 T olive oil;
>1 cup warm water, 1 T agave, 2 tsp bread machine (jarred) yeast, bloomed together.
give it a full ten minute knead, rest it for fifteen,
punch it down, divide it, shape up four fat buns,
and let them rise for another 'nother 15-20 minutes.
bake those bad babies for twenty, until they're golden like gates,
and let 'em cool before splitting, buttering, toasting, or whatever....
that's what you want, and that's how you get it.
-
now,
the only thing missing from the perfect sandwich is a second sauce,
and what do we do when we do the buff'beest on a bun?
hmmm?
that's riiiiiiiight.
RANCH, y'muh-fuhhhhhh.
mmmmm.
-
for just a lil baby bit, make it like this:
3 T vegenaise;
1 tsp nootch;
1 clove crushed garlic;
2 tsp lemon juice;
black pepper, GPOP, parsley, and dill, to taste.
...and that's IT.
how much better does that make the thing?
it's perfect.
like, perfectamundo.
like, your head might hurt with withdrawals afterwards,
because you won't be able to get enough in your mouth for long enough to satisfy
the blissful blossoming of good vibes and well-wishes that sprout
from each and every bite of this mountain of tasty textural triumphant treats!
...and when you add in a pickle, and some exxxtra ranchy drippy dippin' sauce,
and a handful of sea salt and vinegar chips???
everything expert is spreading like good news for that plate out into the universe.
...and that's not hyperbole.
ha!
***********
sandwich week is a damned good time.
that's the truth.
i was a little baby bit bummed to buff it up alone last night, if we're being honest.
i persevered and i powered down both big burly buffalo bunfuls.
if for no other reason than that's what i DO, dudes.
yeah.
eating my feelings and filling in the blanks with the best wildebeestly
big action i could conjure.
i'm not ashamed.
in fact, if anything, i think i did it right.
nourishing myself, by myself, has got to be good for me.
it's ALL really happening,
and it keeps on happening,
and it's only day 6 out of 8 of this fantastic voyage into bread and things.
i am grateful to be able to indulge in invented holidays,
i am disappointed that none of my people have hopped on board with me,
but i s'pose we can't ALL be eight day sarnians, can we?
i'll do my part, and i hope you're enjoying the journey as much as i am;
never quiet, never soft.....

BREKKIE SARNIE!

(t)BLT & O & A & S & T!!!!
y'feel me?
you will-
tempeh bacon lettuce and tomato, with (red) onion,
AVO-F*ING-CADO, sprouts, and tofu......
wu-TANG!!
that's how you do breakfast like a flippin' expert.
check the hard-roll-type teleport:

FRESH BAKED BREAD AND CRISPY EVERYTHING ELSE!!
dudes,
when it's time to (albie) rock the funky joint, i'm ON POINT!
vegan mayo on one side of that toasty bun,
sriracha on the other,
and everything amazing smooshed in between.
that's right.
it was a sort of bye-bye breakfast farewell sandwich to kayla,
as she's off in arizona now,
warm-weathering herself in sunshine and arid lansdscapes.
i just couldn't let her leave without one last tasty treat for the road.
i mean, c'mon-
what do you think i am?
a petty, pouty, petulant pr!ck?
hmmm.....well maybe i am,
but i'm also a superior sandwich aficionado, for sure.
look at the tight TILTY expertism that made my morning so dope:

*ric flair-style* WOOOOO!!!
MORE homemade buns,
MORE veggies,
MORE spicy tempeh bacon,
MORE awesomeness than the pan could handle, man.
that's the way we doo-doo that freaky sh!t at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
all the really realest sandwich heads know that a BLT is aight,
but a BLT++++ is much much better.
-
hot house tomato, sliced thinny-thin thin;
red and green lettuce, leafy and crisp an' that;
microgreens and purples;
shaved red onion ringlets;
vegenaise and sriracha, like i said already;
crispy GPOP'd pink-salt-and black crackin' peppercornelius tofu-
pan fried in a drop of olive oil until crusty on the ends and soft in the centers-
think fried egg without cloaca-crap and albumen afwfulling up your aura.....
the AVOCADO was ripe af, too.....
essentially,
all the elements converged in harmony,
and then turnt themselves right on up to eleven with that spicy tempeh bacon.
yuuuuuuuuuup.
*
TEMPEH FUEGO BACON!
that's half a block of tempeh, cut into thinnish strips,
in a hot pan with a driz' of olive oil;
plus a tablespoon of maple syrup;
a heavy shake of GPOP;
2 T texas-style ho'sauce;
four glugs of tamari;
cracked black pepper;
smoked paprika and liquid smoke, both to taste-
i always go heavy because too much is the right amount, obvi.
plus half a cup of broth, to simmer and absorb and sexxx up the savory sensuality...
what?
nah, man, that's a real thing.
flip it once when half the liquid is gone, and let it caramelize a bit,
to get the flavors poppin' even harder.....
you really can't go wrong with a batch of this, neighbors.
that's for sure.
***********
i'm out here baking bread every F*ing day, bro.
no jokes.
i got banh mi buns ready to go right now.
i got some new white sourdough made with high gluten bread flour on deck
for some double grilled  bbq jauns tomorrow.
i got unseeded dark rye bread for my homeboy (it's a gift, because i'm nice like that)
i've even still got one last bun from yesterday, because i always make exxxtras.
mmhmmm.
rules is rules, and homemade just tastes better.
decreed, documented, and demonstrated daily.
i've got tons of tattoos to do every day,
and tons of sandwiches to activate, as well.
somewhere in there, crabtree and i have to hang tough, and hold fast,
and bond over our shared experiences as worthy warriors of poetry and perpetual motion.
it's ALL really happening, and that's a lot to handle, but there's really no other option.
i mean,
we're not gonna have LESS going on.
no way.
that's for A*-holes, and that's not us.
we make moves, and we do MORE,
and we span time at an ever-accelerated rate of activity.
the objective here is to create maxxximum hottness wherever applicable.
anything less is not invited to sandwich week,
or any other week for that matter;
never quiet, never soft.....

MORE MORE MORE!

amore!
and also MORE.
that's what's up.
what do you guys know about fried eggplant?
hmm
what's that?
ahhh.
yes, it IS time consuming.
but,
it's also WORTH IT.
no jokes.
sandwich week went kind of italian-style for the wednesday installment.
that's cool with me, man.
i have that sort of DNA coursing through my veins already,
and a tomato-platelet sauce-count update is always welcome to visit my mouth.
that's the truth.
in order to be ready for dinner,
i made homemade focaccia in the morning.
holy sh!t.
that stuff is dangerous.
like, it's fluffy, but it's also SUPER  heavy on the oil and vegan butter-
again, it's WORTH IT.
we really like eggplant at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress,
and when it's time to get into it,
we get ON it, go after it, and get BUSY with it.
too much is the right amount, man.
and that means ALL the eggplant, and then, a little bit MORE.
yup.
check the day-four-dinnertime-type teleport:

MELANZANE!!!
AUGERGINE!!!
EGGPLANT!!!
expert.
that's cornflake-crusted herbed fried eggplant,
and sauteed rainbow peppers and sweet onions and arugula,
activated with seared fra diavolo red pepper flake fire-roasted tomato chunks!!!
THAT'S how you take it to eleven, neighbors.
and it looks even F*ing better closer up:

TIIIIIIIIGHT!
but wait,
that focaccia is a light and tight bite, bro.
it's crazily complimentary to that crusty eggplant,
and it soaked up all the juice from the peppers and onions, too.
check it out:
yeah.
so it's essentially an edible buttery sponge?
yes, please and thank you!
mmmmmmm.
here's the recipe.
and the eggplant goes a lil sumthin' like this.
the onions and the peppers were easy easy.
1/4 each red, orange, yellow, and green peppers,
sliced into hella thin strips,
plus half of one large sweet onion prepared the same way.
sauteed in olive oil, gently salted, covered and allowed to soften,
and devoured like a savage.
the arugula is raw. that's done already.
and the tomatoes were just that. plus crushed red pepper, in a HOT pan.
ka-POW!

suddenly,
you're assembling the best thing you've eaten in HOURS...
(it's sandwich week, m'guys, and we're reppin' nothin' but greatest hits)
every single bite, from the first to last of it is passionate.
and thiccccccc.

damn.
that's the TRUTH.
y'all weren't ready for this one.
neither was i, but i caught up to speed real quick-like.
***********
my lady leaves for a week today.
again.
she's off to the big crack in arizona,
and i'm bracing for an april snowstorm.
sweet, right?
totally.
man,
i only vaguely remember what it was like to be young and carefree,
way before AMPERSAND TATTOO and crabtree the dog
ate up all the hours of every day forever and ever.
huh
well, yeah-
the sandwiches help;
but they hinder too.
i mean,
i could NOT do sandwich week,
and stop trying for new and different and better 'guinis every time,
but then,
what kind of man would i be?
not a good one.
the tasks we set ourselves tend to be the easiest to skip out on following through with.
i ain't WITH that, kids.
no way.
this weekend has easily twice as many tattoos as can realistically get done
within the hours of operation of the studio.
now,
i'm not sayin' that something has got to give,
but i will say this: it won't be the sandwiches.
nope.
rules is rules.
i'm replacing close contact with my person
with close-quarters combat between slices of baked wheat.
it's bound to be stressful, demanding, and attenuated along tight tolerances,
but like the eggplant and the focaccia, it's definitely WORTH IT;
never quiet, never soft

DAY FOUR!!!!

y'know,
sandwich week really IS the best week.
that's for real.
and once it gets underway,
an avalanche of ideas starts sliding off the ol' brain,
to the extent that i'm crushed under all the potential,
far beyond my capacity to micromanage my minutes in such a manner
as to accommodate each and every one before the second sunday shows up.
seriously,
too much is the right amount,
but there's never enough time.
that's the biggest issue i face every single day.
so,
yesterday i got up as early as ever,
but with more determination than usual,
and i fired up TWO big sandwiches,
AND a lil bitty brekkie jaun, too.
mmhmmm.
i'm ON it, man.
y'all ever had sausage and broccoli rabe together?
it's magnificent.
and if you add on some exxxtras, and some sprankles,
that becomes a monumentally heroic heap of new hottness.
also,
if you just happen to fire up some semi-semolina sub rolls from scratch?
at that point, you can justifiably consider yourself a total F*ing expert.
real talk.
on the ones, check the teleport:

TRIUMPHANT!!!
i'm just sayin',
if you love food even half as much as i do,
you'll fall head over heels for this cassanova frankenstein!
dudes!
the sub rolls are soft and supple and toasty, too.
the broccoli rabe is completely bitter-less, and buttery as heck.
the caramelized onions go so well with the homemade sausage,
you'd swear i shoved an animal into it's own butthole,
BUT I DIDN'T AND I WOULDN'T, EVER!
actually,
there's no wrong notes in the sumptuous symphony of succulence.
it's 100% expert, and it goes straight up to eleven on the first bite.
word up.
look closer:

C'MON, MAN!!
the garlic is sliced and browned in olive oil.
those potatoes?!
bro,
there are baked potato crisps on there!!!
baked until brown in a 350℉ oven, after a uniform mandoline slice up,
and a drizzle of oil, some pink salt, and fresh cracked black pepper.
SO dope.
the tomatoes are blackened in the garlic-infused oil from before,
and the broccoli rabe is blanched in boiling water for exxxactly two minutes,
before getting fried up for a second in a hot pan.
caramelized onions are pretty straightforward,
but not when you're upgrading to über-elite hot fire-
that's when you fire up three homemade red lentil seitan sausages,.
and toss 'em in with the slightly browned onion,
sear all of it,
and then deglaze the lot in 3T fire roasted tomato juice.
WOW.
like, WOWOWOWOWOW!!
the homemade sausage recipe?
ok:
-
*
RED LENTIL SAUSAGES!
-
prepare your red lentils:
1/4 cup sauteed minced sweet onion;
2 cloves crushed garlic;
1/2 cup red lentils;
1 1/2 cups broth;
liquid smoke;
2 T soy sauce;
2 T olive oil.
boil that down to a mash,
and add it to:
1 cup wheat gluten;
2 T tapioca starch;
GPOP, parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme, oregano, basil, mustard powder,
nootch, crushed fennel, black pepper, smoked paprika, and a pinch of sugar.
roll it, knead it, rest it for ten minutes, and then roll it up into links.
wrap those in foil, tighten the ends, and steam them for twenty minutes.
kaBOOM.
red lentil sausages are now on the menu.
tight!
-
the bread is a fairly standard bun recipe, with exxxtra olive oil on top-
-
*
BUNZZ!
-
preheat your oven to 375℉
-
in your indispensable, indefatigable stand mixer, combine:
2 cups a.p. flour;
1 pkg regular action yeast;
3 T olive oil;
1 1/2 tsp salt;
1 tsp sugar;
3/4+ cup warm water;
a splash of agave, and 1 tsp bread machine yeast, bloomed in the water.
knead it for eight minutes on medium speed,
rest it for twenty, divide and shape some loaves, oil the tops, slice 'em, 
and let 'em rise for another fifteen,
before baking those bad boys, floured on a tray, for twenty minutes.
bread. just like that.
....nice.
***********
but, what about breakfast?
ha!
i GOT you, friend:

scrambo on rye!
with maple seitan sausage and allllll the peppers.
perfection.
-
it's the sum of the parts, neighbors.
every piece working in perfect unison, a coordinated effort by all ingredients
to create an experience worthy of the warmest memories.
sandwich week isn't just about food.
it's about creativity and imagination.
it's about active participation and appreciation.
there's no time for store-bought bullsh!t here.
we make our own dreams come true,
and we don't take shortcuts.
everything is important, and that's the whole thing about living a remote Folk Life:
the conveniences are limited, but the victories are more rewarding for the added effort.
it's ALL really happening,
and the intentional fixation and focus of these meals is just one way
we make the time we've been given into a moment of victory.
if you're a simple, lazy A*-hole, it's just a lot of sandwiches,
but if you're paying attention, it's a paean of passion to the life we live;
never quiet, never soft.....

SANDWICH TACOS!

taco tuesday?!!
ummmmm, yeah.
that's gonna be a problem.
i mean, c'mon, man.
it's sandwich week.
y'feel me?
i'm just sayin'-
what are you? an A*-hole?
no?
then you already know that tacos aren't sandwiches.
ok,
so, how do we problem solve this situation?
ha! ...don't worry.
i got you, neighbors.
with stacks on stacks on stacks on stacks on stacks of super-elite homemade hottness,
fiesta style!!
check the day-three-type teleport:

THAT'S A SUPER STACKER ATTACKER, MAN!!!
hmm? what??
well, yes, that's five fat stacks of tostada-be-kidding me goodness.
quesadillas aren't sandwiches, either.
but a tower of powerfully tearfully beautiful tiers of
tasty cornmeal crunch definitely qualifies.
-
there's vegan sour cream,
fire-roasted tomato salsa, with habanero and thai green chili
(it's got back-end heat, and front-facing fuego for superior sabor de experté).
there's also rainbow fiesta GUACAMOLE!!!
word up.
-
*
RAINBOW GUAC!
-
one each baby sweet bell peppers in red, orange, and yellow, minced;
2 cloves crushed garlic;
1/4 cup red onion;
1/4 minced poblano pepper;
1 1/2 T fire roasted tomato flakes;
1/4 cup cilantro, chopped;
1 jalapeno, minced;
3 AVO-F*ING-CADOS;
GPOP, lemon, and lime juice, to taste.
pink slat and cracked black pepper.
-
if you don't freak out over this, you're a bad person.
point blank. period.
*
and those corn flour flaps?
so tight.
i kneaded 'em in my stand mixer with the dough hook on,dudes-
1 1/4 cup flour;
1/2 cup fine cornmeal;
1 tsp salt;
2 tsp bakey powder;
1 tsp bakey soda;
1 tsp lime zest;
2 tsp lime juice;
black pepper;
2/3 cup warm water;
-
rested, divided, and divided,and divided-
there were three of us at dinner,
and the other two had four levels of lusciousness, and big poppa's was five.
lightly floured, rolled, and pan fried for firmness on a hot grease-free skillet.
just enough to let 'em hold up to a heavy-handed application of fillings.
-
and the fillings, kids.
oh!
the fillings!
nootch-boosted ho'sauce activated refried beans.
black beans.
shredded baby spinach.
daiya chee'less chee', mandatorily minced, in cheddar and mozzarella.
and seitan asada, with poblano and sweet onion.
YUUUUUUUUUUUUUP.
stacks forever,
with chee' and beans bluing it all up,
each layer added, and flipped, and then added, and then flipped,
for a jenga jumble of beige blops.
add a pinch of scallion and a few sprigs of cilantro,
and then drizzle a lil bit of ho'sauce on TOP?
look:

WOW!
then you dunk it in the salsas and sh!t,
and lose your F*ing mind over that much level eleven expert awesomess.
real talk.
it's got crunch.
it's got heartiness.
it's got heart.
it's got squish.
it's got spice.
it's got it ALL,
and it all  really happened in a massive upward geological striation sensation,
in softish cornflour circles of sedimentary sensationalism.
damn.
*
i'm not saying that sandwiches are the only thing that matters.
i'm not.
but i AM stating, for the record, that they're ON the list of things that matter,
and that it is a very short list.
for realsies.
***********
today, it's gonna have to be italian stuff.
ok?
i'm ready for tomatoes and broccoli rabe and sausage,
and maybe even eggplant...
hmm?
yeah.
maybe i'm gonna do two sandwiches.
it's effng sandwich week, bro.
it's not one-a-day between bread weak sauce.
don't be dumb.
too much is the right amount.
that's the way it is, and that's the way it's supposed to be.
we do what we do,
and we celebrate the only way we know how-
stone sober, and with allllll the food.
weird, right?
oh, stop.
it's fine.
we're gettin' TILTY on 'guinis, buddy.
all that bread is all we need.
MORE food,
MORE enjoyment,
MORE good companionship and shark gluttony.
that's what these days are about.
this is it, and that's that;
never quiet, never soft.....

TREATS!

man,
rules is rules,
and on the first of the month,
we make a treat.
also,
on easter, we make another treat.
also also, if somebody is a little picky diaperbaby,
but you're going to be a guest at their ancestral home,
you reluctantly make a whole other other 'nother treat.
that's all true.
and if it's somehow ALSO sandwich week?!
well,
that's when you ca be pretty sure that whoooooopie pies are on the menu.
dude, it was a rabbit, rabbit, easter bunny kind of a day,
and it looked a little something like this:

TRIPLE TREAT TRIPLE THREAT!!!
have you ever even been so excited?
i mean, c'mon.
there's chocolate chip mini scones, with drizzly icing and sprankles!
there's mni-muffy carrot cakey bites, with cinnamon-spice creamchee frostin',
and MORE sprankles,
and a batch of from-scratch fluffy, deep, rich, dark chocolate
nature-boy whoo-pie pies, with peanut butter filling!!!!
too much is the right amount, man.
that's no joke.
you want carrot cake?
so did kayla and her ma.
i'd never made it before, but i gave it my best shot-
-
*
CARROT BUNNY BOO-BOO BLOPS!
-
preheat your oven to 375℉, and leave it there for all these treats
-
in a medium metal mixing bowl, or equivalent, stir together:
6 T melted vegan butter;
1/2 cup brown sugar;
1/4 tsp salt;
1/2 cup grated peeled carrot;
ginger, cinnamon, nutmeg, and allspice-
in quantities according to which ones you like the best;
1 1/2 cups flour;
3 T molassses;
1 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
3 T non-dairy yogurt.
-
stir it up, man. if it's too dry, add a few tablespoons of non-dairy milk.
you'll get it.
i put mine in a midi-mini-muffin pan. y'know the ones?
they're a lil bit bigger than the smallest smalls, but they sure ain't big.
anyway, i baked 'em for twenty minutes, cooled 'em on a wire rack,
and frosted the F* out of the tops-
you wanna know what's in the frosting?
ok-
-
whisk up, in your stand-up mixer:
1 2/3 cups powdered sugar;
3 T vegan butter (erf balance, son);
1/2 tsp vanilla;
cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg;
1 tsp maple syrup;
2 T vegan creamchee';
1-3 T non-dairy milk, depending on how soft you want your stuff to get.
WORD.
***********
those lil scone zones?
man, they were s'posed to be chocolate chip cookies,
but we were eyeballing a single dozen recipe, with low sugar-
no fun.
they turned out great, but with all the freestyle ingredient additions,
the best i can give y'all is an approximate estimate of what the heck happened-
-
1/3 cup sugar;
1/2 tsp vanilla;
1/4 cup (4 T vegan butter);
1 1/2 cups flour;
1 tsp baking powder;
1/2 tsp bakey soda;
1/4 tsp salt;
1/3 cup chocolate chips;
2 T maple syrup;
3-4 T non-dairy milk...
kneaded all together, into what was way more like a bread dough than a cookie jaun.
that's cool, though.
we made small balls and semi-flattened 'em, with great gusto,
and limited efficiency....
no worries, we were also making all the sauces and sh!t while we were at it,
so nobody was stressed,pressed, harried, or  ghurried-
and we baked the whole dang dozen for just eleven minutes,
and they were still lookin' hella browned!
we made do, and did what we do, too...
these crOnchers were pretty damned good.
we made 'em for one specific pain-in-the-A*, but e'rrybody tuned 'em up.
i think that's fair.
y'all might think you're special,
but your own family probably knows what's real way better than i could.
i'm jus the guy with the cookies.
and really, it was kayla who did almost all of the making of portion,
and ALL of the icing and spranklin' stuff.
she loves her sister, man.
there's nothin' wrong with that.
***********
WHOOOOOOOOOOPIE PIES!!!!!
dudes,
these lil tasties are what's UP.
sandwich week treats are the best, and that's doubly true when there's also 
chocolate and peanut butts tag-teaming the first day of the month.
mmmmmmmm.
you want the recipe?
i have it.
here you go, bro:
-
*
WHOOOOOOOpie pies!
-
stand mix the following, with that whisk workin' it for all it's worth:
cream up 6 T butts;
1 cup of coconut sugar;
a dash of salt;
1 tsp vanilla;
1/3 cup cocoa-
when that's all sloppy,
add in 3 T vegan yogurt-
whisk ALL that until blended,
and then toss in 2 cups of a.p. flour;
plus 2 tsp baking kapowder-
pour in 1 cup of non-dairy milk,
and whisk it all up until it's a big ol' fluffy mess.
-
mmmmmmmmm.
i s'pose you could just drop spoonfuls on parchment,
but i got the pan, man, so i do that.
it made 16 individual cakes,
so,
start out with small scooples,
and add more batter to 'em until they're all even.
they get baked for 11 minutes at 375F,
C'MON!!
that's easy easy, really.
-
and the filling?
check it:
-
* 
WHOOP-A* FILLING
-
in your stand mixer, with the whisk attached, make this:
2 cups powdered sugar;
1 tsp vanilla;
4 T butterish;
3 T vegan creamchee';
3 T creamy natural peanut butter;
2-3 T vegan yogurt.
whisked up on high speed, to combine the whole thing into a new and better thing.
BOOM!
just like that-
you are the F*-ing champion.
*
if one treat is good, two treats is great,
and three treats is too many,
then the answer was right there the whole time,
waiting for us to realize and recognize-
too much, bruh.
that's what we do.
-
i apologize for being many days behind,
but between the big action at AMPERSAND TATTOO,
the loud fresh hardness of our concert night in the city,
and the everyday running battle with crabtree the bullheaded bullsh!t terrier,
i've been a busy boy.
***********
there's more comin'.
a lot more.
i mean,
it's only day four of sandwich week,
and i'm determined to do it right all day and all night.
i hope y'all are ready;
never quiet, never soft.....

REUBENS!!!!

y'all ain't even ready for day two.
nope.
you'd better hold onto somethin', and brace yourselves,
because the newest new hottness is a bass-boosted subsonic supernova
of deli-style supersexxxiness!
i'm serious.
you don't even know about this much level eleven expertism yet.
like, u.o.e.n.o., bro.
...but you're 'bout to.
check the springtime-pretty dinnertime-dirty teleport:

VEGAN REUBEN ON RYE!!!!!
yoooooo!
DAS IT!!
like those grill marks? me too!
how about all that pastel easter-season color coordination?
i know, right?!
y'boi is a sandwich architect, building new monuments to the best eight days in a row.
shouts out to sandwich week for being the first best thing
to actually utilize the former best thing- which is of course to say:
sliced bread.
WORD.
homemade toasted caraway seeded dark rye sourdough bread.
i got you.
(vegan) buttered, assembled, pan-toasted (grilled chee'-style),
and pressed under the cast-ironing board for those bad-A* brown hasmarks.
mmmmmmmmmm.
that good-good bread is key, for sure.
but, i'll bet you're wondering:
what else is in a vegan reuben studdard?
maaaaan, be patient. i'm obvi gonna tell you-
just look a little bit closer, first:

c'mon, neighbors.
that's SO pretty in pink and purple.
we've got dill pickles, and shredded purple cabbage,
and grilled thin-sliced smoky black-pepper seitan.
yup.
that's standard seitan slabs, all from scratch, (four fat ones)
sliced lengthwise into sheets, and marinated in a heavy shake of ground black pepper,
a tablespoon of tamari, and a lil' splash of liquid smoke, olive oiled,
and baked on parchment until the edges get brown in a 420℉ oven
doing double duty for some fries.
that's the way to go when you're headed to victory.
mmhmm.
multipurpose multi-use multi-tasks are mandatory during sandwich week.
-
olive oil and a hot pan are all you need to activate the BEST cabbage on earth.
you need one firm, dense, green cabbage, quartered.
take one of those quarters and halve it.
now lay it cut sides down until they char, flip it and repeat the process
on medium-high heat with the sizzles serenading your eardrums, kid.
yum.
break 'em up, and let the long lengths of leafy love toast a bit more.
you can't really overdo it; at least, not if you love the taste of greatness.
that's real.
-
let's recap.
there's good bread; pickles; double cabbage, crispy-fried and raw crOnchy;
all that's all good stuff.
there's seitan making a heroic effort to stand in for corny-A* beefin'...
but that'snot all, y'all.
no way.
too much is the right amount,
and sandwiches always need MORE flavor.
-
that's why we have those perfectly pickled red onions.
YES!
one red onion, peeled and sliced, just barely covered in cider vinegar,
with a few cracks of big crystal pink salt, a spoonful of raw sugar,
and a half teaspoon of black peppercorns,
plus a dash of whole mustard seeds, a pinch of celery and caraway seeds,
and a little baby bit of crushed red pepper flakes,
brought to a boil, reduced to a simmer, and allowed to bubble for fifteen minutes,
and rest all damned day,
so the whole bowl if ready to exxxplode your whole face with flavorful freshness.
that's real.
-
damn, duders. that's one heck of a sandwich, huh?
well,
hang on even tighter,
because there's MORE.
wu-TANG!
how about homemade vegan sandwich sauce?
F* yes, buddy.
now maybe you can see why sandwich week is the TRUTH!
-
*
RUSSKYSAUCE!!
-
1/4 cup vegan mayo ( i'm a vegenaise man, myself);
2 tsp black pepper ketchup (melinda is my homegirl);
1 tsp sriracha;
1/4+ cup wasabi powder (it's actually just horseradish, don't sleep on reality, b);
1 T nootch;
1/2 tsp ea. GPOP;
1/2 tsp paprika (for color);
1 tsp tamari.
-
that's the stuff.
and it's essential and integral to activating the molto magical masterworks of this sandwich.
the hot press doesn't hurt either.
did i add a side of that slightly-soviet sauce for fry dippin'?
heck yes i did.
rules is rules.
y'can't come through on the weak sauce  or the waterbaby lil b!tchbag tip.
this is a time for professional appreciation,
active participation,
inventiveness and creation,
and everything else is irrelevant.
get back to me next monday if you want to be a bummer.
***********
sylvan esso was fan-F*ing-tastic.
full stop.
those two weirdies know how to make it nicey-nice.
the sound was perfect.
the lights were tight af.
her creepily beautiful voice was 100% on point.
everything was expert.
it could well be that i was still euphoric from that sandwich, though.
i'll take it.
sharing all the good things is good for you.
we spanned time, we spanned space, we expanded to the limits of both.
it's all really happening,
and that's the whole point.
unfortunately, as far as this morning goes?
we outta time,
so the easter treats i STILL haven't told y'all about will have to wait a nother 'nother day.
you'll live, i'll live, we'll live, and tomorrow we'll read all about it;
never quiet, never soft.....

SANDWICHES!!!

it's here!
sandwich week is now officially underway!!
i love 'em. those sarnies, those sangwiches, those sammies.
love. love. love.
and for easter morning times,
i made some seriously expert brekkie jauns,
and they resurrected my faith in big breakfast hottness.
i'm serious.
check the teleport:

dudes,
c'mon-
that's a waffle omelette seitan sausage hash brown stacker,
and it's so F*ing dope.
real talk, everything was perfect-
the waffles were crunchy on the outside, and soft on the inside.
the sausage was juicy and spicy and maple-y.
the tofu omelette was firm and flavorful.
the hashbrowns had all the crispy bits.....
i was surprised by myself, neighbors-
it all came together with minimal aggravation,
and all while homemade sauces were being concocted,
and triple treats were being stirred up,
and doughs were getting kneaded.
uh-huh.
we had full counter tops, stocked with stuff being prepared all morning long-
but, we had to stop, drop, and open up shop on these wafflers-
the savory sexxxiness was too powerful to just munch up on the move.
i'm for realsies right now.
look closer:

THAT'S how you make moves on sandwich week's debut, bro.
you want the whole list?
okay.
we'll start with the waffles-
-
*
MINI-WAFFLEWICHES!
-
in a mixing bowl, combine:
1+ cup flour;
1/4 tsp salt;
2 T sugar;
1 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
2 T vegan sour cream;
3 T melted vegan butter;
1/2 tsp vanilla;
1 cup + non-dairy milk.
stir gently, but thoroughly, and rest in the fridge one hour-
thin it up if necessary, and get ready to pour it out, buddy.
get your trusty mini-waffle maker out, and heat it up.
then, and here's where we get crazy- add batter to the iron, and let it cook.
i knowww, right?
-
i had my oven on at 375 for treats,
and i used it to keep the waffles warm and crispy,
but also to bake up those scrambo circles, too.
word up-
-
*
SCRAMBOMELETTES!
-
in your food processor, combine:
1/2 block drained firm tofu;
black salt;
heavy shakes of GPOP;
turmeric, black pepper, smoked paprika;
2 tsp hemp hearts;
2 T chick pea flour;
2 tsp egg replacer powder;
pulse all of that,scraping down the sides, until it's pureed.
add:
1/4 small diced red onion;
1/4 block firm drained tofu, crOmbled;
1/2 tsp chia/flax meal.
-
stir it all up,
and drop it evenly into 3 lightly greased 3" tins,
and bake them until the tops brown slightly.
BOOM!
you just made something amazing, and it's all for you!!
-
y'know what goes great with eggless ommies?
hash brownzzz, b.
yup.
-
*
HASH'EMOUTBROWNZOS!!
-
grate two medium-small red potatoes and one average-sized purple carrot,
and drain them, salted, in a colander, with mandoline-shredded paper-thin red onion.
squeeze 'em out, and get as much moisture out as you can,
before you pan fry those puppies in hot oil on a hot pan,
maybe even in a 3" round cookie cutter/part-time hashbrown mold.
how tight is THAT?
it's just those few things, and a flip or two when it browns enough to fuse together.
expert.
-
of course, the real superstar is that sausage.
mmhmm.
breakfast sausages are what's poppin'.
kayla said she loves 'em,
so what was i gonna do?
NOT make 'em?
c'mon, kid.
what do you think i am?
some kind of an A*-hole?
no way.
i figured it out, and i'll pass it along to you-
-
*
MAPLE-BREKKIE-SAUSAGE PATTIES!!
-
in a medium mixing bowl, combine:
1/2 cup wheat gluten;
2 T tapioca starch;
2 T garbanzo bean flour;
1 tsp ea Garlic Powder Onion Powder;
1 1/2 tsp smoked paprika;
>1/2 tsp ea. parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme, basil, ground mustard, black pepper;
1 tsp crushed fennel seed;
2 tsp nootch;
1 T brown sugar;
1/3 cup broth;
1 shake-a-shake liquid smoke;
1 tsp soy sauce;
1/2 tsp maple extract;
1 tsp olive oil;
kneaded for five or so minutes into a tight lil ball;
rested a room temp for another ten minutes;
sliced into patties, and simmered in a medium sauce pot full of broth,
maple syrup and extract, and liquid smoke....
for maybe thirty minutes, until they get all fat and plump and thick and sh!t...
that takes being expert to eleven, my man.
no question, this was a winner.
i made the sausages the day prior, in anticipation of the week's festivities.
i've got regular tubular sausages, too.
and straightforward seitan, as well.
i doo-doo that freaky sh!t in advance, because i like to be readily ready to rock.
that's simply smart planning.
-
oh, and the whole sandwich is glazed with real new hampshire maple syrup.
rule is rules, even if the waffles are part of a larger project.
the lil green sproutsies were a nice touch, too.
DUDES!!!!
i could eat that every day, but i won't because there's still seven more lucky days of
sandwiches to enjoy,
so there's no reason to get caught up and dwell on just one of many.
too much is the right amount,
and we're coming correct on sandwiches all F*ing week.
i hope you're in the celebratin' spirit, because i want everybody everywhere
to start munchin' up on sammers right NOW.
it's all really happening,
and what's happening is all good stuff.
***********
we're going to see sylvan esso in portland, tonight.
i'm serious.
a live music experience, near other humans, out of town.
that's what's in store for us.
i guess i think that shared experiences build stronger bonds or something.
i'd prefer to just share meals and ideas,
but young people these days need interactive spectator audience connectivity.
it'll be good. or it won't. no big deal.
we'll be spanning time cooperatively, and that's all i need...
well, that and MORE sandwiches;
never quiet, never soft.....

RABBBBBBBIT! RABBIT!!

the first of the month!
wake up wake wake up!!!
to get up get get up cash yo' checks and GET UP!!!
dudes!
today is the day.
the first one of the new page on the calendar.
yup.
and you know i said the magic words, first spout out of my mouth:
rabbit! rabbit!
heck yes.
rules is rules, and we say the thing that cultivates coincidences
and ferments and foments good fortune through mindful focus
on follow-through and spirit and memory.
y'know?
if you remember to remember, you're one step ahead of the game, kiddo.
today is something else, too-
F* yes, and i'm so excited about it.
it's a sunday.
it's the first of the month.
...and THAT means something very important here in the
darkened predawn halls of this Folk Life & Liberty Fortress-
uh-huh.
it's time once again to activate an exxplosive, mean-mutha-b!tchin',
mama-jammi', mo-fuggin', molto expert hot and fiery eight-day festival
of fresh, pretty, hot and tasty delights between bread, bro-
WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
that's riiiiIIIght,
it's sandwich week!!!!
wordimus prime.
that's another 'nother rule around here.
y'all go ahead and get weird with cellophane 'grass'-
that's your own bunny's butt-nasty creme egg craptacular problem-
see, we're not with that.
nope.
in our sunny sunday forecast, there's a 100% chance of sandwiches,
so we're gonna climb all aboard the 'guini train express,
and run away with juggernautical abandon.
that's the truth.
hmm?
oh, i'll have a bonnet on, bro, don't you worry about that-
i'm not anti-springtime flavor, i'm just not really diggin' on easter this year...
*
also,
AMPERSAND TATTOO is closed today.
that's not a joke.
what IS april foolish, however,
is the all-vegan super-pizza exxxplosion we're having at my girl's family's place.
yup.
that's real.
bbq seitan.
buffalo cauliflower.
potato and brussels and caramelized onions.
all the greatest hits, back to back to back,
in a row,
for a whole roomful of non-vegans.
i feel like the challenge is set,
now all there is left is to execute it like a worthy warrior poet.
i doubt i'll be winning hearts and minds,
but if i can satisfy and surprise, i'll consider it a win.
*gasp*
waitaminute.....
pizzas on easter?!
not sandwiches???
maaaaaaaaan,
miss me with the scorn.
it's april fools day,
and that is the loophole deluxxe, if ever there was gonna be one-
i'm ready,
three different doughs and and four F*ing sauces later,
i'll be there with seitan and sausages and all the skills, harm, poise,
and practiced preparations to see it through.
that's the way to do what needs doing.
it's part of being a partner.
unlike leaving for six days with seventy-two hours notice.
that's how some other people think it works.
(they're wrong, btw)
now,
i won't point any fingers,
but i WILL say this:
i'm going to have the house to myself for a week, starting thursday.
yeah, yeah, i know.
but that just means you and i get to enjoy half a sandwich week a little MORE,
and maybe even together.
that's pretty neat, isn't it?
either way, it's all really happening,
and that's gonna have to do the trick;
never quiet, never soft.....