treats.

duders,
you all already know that i get busy with
the eleventh-level EXPERT gift giving, right?
...right.
so check the teleport on this hottness:

hung by the chimney with care an' sh!t, suckas.
you know it.
yeah,
even olive the dog got a ration of fresh treats.
what am i?
a monster?
stop it,
it's XI-mas, neighbors.
good will and cheer an' that,
even for big dumb dogs.
*
of course,
if four-legged disasters are getting my good will,
you'd better believe that my human companions
and coconspirators of cohabitated compatibility
are gonna reap the rewards of their presence
with a whole A*-F*-ton of presents.
c'mon...
wordimus prime, kids-
harvest and maple got hooked up proper.
on the ones,
their color-coordinated bows and jauns
made for a well-presented parcel of pure freshness:

yeah!
we activate that 'more-beautifully-than-you' action.
by the fireplace an everything, friends.
if it isn't picture-perfect,
it isn't XI-mas.
i mean, otherwise,
what's the point?
the wifey's haul wasn't slouchin' either:

c'mon.
solid gold, mutha-lickers.
we GOT that sleek streamlined tight and brightness.
amongst all the well-reasoned, researched,
wrapped and righteously received regalia
what was her most favoritest thang?
four on the floor, making each foot her best foot forward-
she's rollin', you're hatin':

yuuuuuuuuuuuuup.
when it comes to showing affection,
i express myself best with items.
you want feelings?
you're asking the impossible.
tangibles, y'all.
that atlas shrugged-style of emotionalism.
recognize.
huh?
what about me?
awwwww.
how kind of you to ask.
don't worry, my ninjas-
i wasn't left out of the generous goodness.
in fact,
i got proper activated,
and i'm livin' with some serious gratitude for what's up.
for serious,
we were fed and lodged and interacted-with
the whole time we were away,
and that wasn't the half of it.
check it out-
my father-in-law, tom, hit me off this double bundle of
super-deluxe cedar-lined stink-stick stogie stock:

wow.
that's a hot batch of flammable carcinogens for my face!!!
but that's not even close to the limit, either.
i'm referring to the lovely mrs. rock.
we knew she was super hot.
we knew she was disproportionately dope.
we even suspected she had an extra-share of skill and talent.
but who could've known about the casual considerate
confidence with which she executed this XI-mas's
big deal deluxe special delivery for yours truly.
DAS IT!!!
the wifey pretty much brought the ultimate hot fire
down on my gifty-giving head and shoulders.
like an expert of active participation, even.
what time is it, y'all?

wellllll,
according to my new mutha-F*ing wristwatch,
it is precisely 'baller-A* doodie-twankle' o'clock.
...yes it is.
ninjas,
i've never been more grateful for the time i've been given.
mostly,
because i've never been given time like that hunk of
superior genrosity up there...
-that is some seriously futuristic chronographic 'ness.
vintage infantry werewolfen titanium depleted-uranium
unobtanium wolverine berserker-fury from the swiss alps.
it actually checks the checks that check the teleport.
we do it better, kids.
sorry.
it's just how we get it together.
***********
life is unfolding, kids.
real life.
real real.
i've got my three most important ladies,
i've got a blazing fire heating up our home,
i've got a preposterously nice watch.
real life keeps happening,
but we keep it realer, y'all;
never quiet, never soft.....