man, i got you covered on all accounts-
yup.
christmas-style soft and silky sexxxiness is ON the menu.
that's real.
it's crazy easy to make,
it's super rich and decadent and dope,
and it's got all the holiday appropriate sprankles on top, too.
that's how you do it right, and how else would you do it, anyway, right?
right!
so check the teleport:
CREAMY DREAMS, DUDES!!
seriously, though- this is a huge win in the pie department,
and it's so quick and awesome you'll be making one a week
until you feel all your pants fitting exxxtra-snugly in the middle, man.
haha.
guys,
the crust is some new-new...100% gluten-free oatmeal chocolate crumbles!
-
*
GF CRUMB CRUST!
-
preheat your oven to 375℉
-
in a small sauce pot melt 3 T vegan butter
-
get yourself a pie tin, and get it read to fill
-
in a medium mixing bowl, combine 1 1/2 cups quick gf oats;
1/4 tsp salt;
1 tsp vanilla;
1/4 cup gf oat bran;
3 T cocoa;
1/4 cup rice flour;
1/4 cup brown sugar-
dd the melted butts, and 2-4 T s'milk, until the mixture holds firmly together when squeezed-
press and shape it into your pie pan, and bake it for 11 minutes.
bingo, broski. just like that, you're the crustiest!
...
and the filling?
it's expert. ...and it's super simple.
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*
CHOCOLATE CREME!
-
in your food processor, combine one pressed and drained block of silken tofu;
2 T cocoa;
1 tsp vanilla;
1/4 cup powdered sugar.
-
in a small sauce pot,
temper/melt 1 pkg vegan dark chocolate chips,
with 3 T s'milk, on low heat, until totally lava-esque,
and add that into the processor as well.
whip it all up in there until it's one smooooooth consistency,
and pour it into your piecrust-
level it out, give it a few shakes and a tap or two,
and let it set in the fridge for a few hours, or overnight-
i hit it with a triple shake of all the X-mas spranks at this point, pre-refrigeration.
i like when they sink in just a little teentsy tiny lil bit.
but that's just me.
-
after it set,
i lit it up with those chocolate frosting stars.
uh-huh.
...as if there somehow wasn't enough sugar in that muh-fuhhhr, y'know?
c'mon-
too much is the right amount.
that's a thing.
the frosting is a nice touch though,
and the new frosting gun that patti and dennis, my great northern stepfolks got me,
has already made itself useful for days on end.
tight.
***********
the big presents and the big family fun and all that sh!t are all over, now.
it's almost time for a new year, and with it, a new calendar,
and with that, a transfer of all the birthdays i've written on each and every one,
for years-
i edit 'em, neighbors-
i add some, i remove some, i cross some off, i circle some others.
it's a hard style, honestly.
a tally and total, cross-checked and amended, for all the folks who've come and gone.
yeah, it's a yearly ritual, and yeah, rules is rules,
but it's tough to leave off those names,
it shouldn't matter.
it's just me, over here, looking at this calendar, thinking about endings.
years and friendships, loves and lives-
it's all really happening, and without the bitter, the sweet's just not as sweet-
i know there's new stuff coming.
that's the whole idea of that new calendar- it's like a setlist for a whole new cycle.
that's cool.
i s'pose i could just leave everybody Off The List?
no, that defeats the whole purpose of having a list.
i'm juts gonna wait a day or two before i get out the pen and start writing;
never quiet, never soft.....
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