yeah.
it really appears as a snowy groundcover, but it's all ice all the time.
that's lame.
and dangerous.
especially outside my door.
yup.
it's a hazardous slope of treachery and deceit, dudes.
and there's also a lot of ice!
ha!
i've been representing holiday times the best that i can muster up.
i'm no superhero, but i try to do good according to my ability.
that mostly means i bake things and decorate with pine branches and sh!t like that.
mmhmm.
also,
i get pretty fresh with the chocolate treats.
and sometimes, during white christmastime,
in the white mountains,
i make some radical white chocolate BOOMFIRE for your F*ing face, too.
yeah.
i do.
check the teleport:
THAT'S WHAT'S UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!
hahahaha.
gluten-free oatmeal cookie magic,
and triple-tone vegan white chocolate on top,
plus seasonally-appropriate snowflakey sprankles.
so kyooooot.
and also,
so gooooood.
here's how to do it at home:
-
*
GLUTEN-FREE OATMEAL WHITE CHOCOLATE HOLIDAY WEDGES!!
-
grease an 8" cake tin
-
preheat your oven to 350℉
-
in a medium mixing bowl, combine:
1/4 cup sugar;
1 cup gf quick oats;
1 tsp vanilla;
1/4 cup gf oat flour;
1/3 cup bob's gf ap flour blend;
1/4 cup unsweetened dry small-flake coconut.
-
melt 3 T vegan butter, and add that in with
3 T non-dairy milk-
stir it all until it stics together when pressed together,
and push it evenly across your pan, then bake that bad boi for 11 minutes.
it's basically a simple oatmeal cookie piecrust, neighbors.
and it's F*ing tight as heck, too.
-
in a small saucepot, on low heat, melt:
1 cup plus 3 T king david white chocolate chips.
if nobody you know carries 'em, ge 'em online, but get 'em now
because they're dope, dudes, and you won't be disappointed.
add 1/2 tsp vanilla;
2 T powdered sugar;
2 T non-dairy milk, and stir often, to prevent it form getting clumpy.
it's not like regular chocolate- it cools quiclky, so y'gotta work quickly-
pour off the majority over the top of the cookie,
and prepare two teeny bowls with red and green food coloring
(as much or as little as you'd like).
add a big blop of hot, melty white chocolate to each, and stir 'em up for all you're worth-
i did mine one at a time to keep the white choxxx pliable in the bigger pot.
smart? maybe. effective? absolutely.
you see the drizz all over the top, right?
yup.
i bet you can figure it out.
i believe in you, friends, always.
now,
if you acknowledge that that's expert af?
you are a dirty poopmouth liar, and we're not friends anymore.
word.
***********
i haven't started wrapping anything.
nope.
i need to look at all the piles, and estimate the size versus the overall cost
versus the general theme versus the comparable unity of everyone's gifts.
no kids get more than others, because that's effed up.
i do not believe in playing favorites.
i do, however, believe in playing least favorites.
i do NOT let that affect my holiday planning, though-
if you're a part of my life, i care about you-
if you're even one step removed from it?
you do not matter one itty-bitty teensty-tiny teeny-weenie lil baby bit.
parents, partners, kids, and kin, and that's it.
kids first, because chrzzmizz is for the children like wu-TANG.
partner second, because they see you naked, and that counts for something.
and then you see what's left over for anybody else.
it's nothing personal, it's time, money, energy, and ability.
and all of those are always in short supply.
time first and foremost.
it's running away at a full sprint,
and it's almost tomorrow as soon as today starts,
and my todays almost always start while it's still sort of last night.
that's a tight schedule, and it interferes with holiday cheers,
so i'd advise you to come get some vegan white chocolate with me,
and call it good;
never quiet, never soft.....
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