NOBAAAAAAAAKES!!

the only cookies you only cook,
and almost everybody loves 'em-
gluten-free, good to go, and exxxtra-especially activated
with MORE stuff than the average jauns.
yeah.
i'm sicker than a dirty dog,
so just check the teleport:

YES.
and here's how y'all are gonna doo-doo these dark blarpity blops:
-
*
NO-BAKING!
-
in a small sauce pot, on high heat, melt and bring to a boil:
1 stick vegan butter;
1 cup sugar;
1 tsp vanilla;
dash of salt;
slightly heaped 1/4 cup cocoa;
1/2 cup natural peanut butter;
1/2 cup non-dairy milk (i used coconut almond unsweetened vanilla, it was perfect);
-
boil it for exactly one hard bubblin' minute,
then add it to a large mixing bowl filled with:
2 1/2 cups gf quick oats;
1/2 cup unsweetened unsulphured shredded coconut flakes;
1/4 cup vegan chocolate chips;
1/4 cup vegan white chocolate chips;
1 tsp vanilla...
-
stir allllll that up, all together,
and when it cools just a little tiny baby bit,
add another cup of gf cocoa crispy rice cereal.....
then y'just blop it however you want 'em to look,
and hit 'em with those ka-POWdery sugary sprankles if you like that sort of thing.
you should, because too much is the right amount,
so obvi, MORE tasty bits always make it MORE expert.
...that's a fact.
these slide down so smooth-
the key is to wait to add the crispie rice, so it stays that way-
otherwise, they get gummy, and nobody enjoys a soggybottom bummer no-bake, bro.
that's not invited.
so be patient, and be rewarded for it with these decadent cooked-up bakelessnesses.
*
it's so windy that limbs are snapping outside,
and cold fronts are bringing all the arctic frostiness with 'em-
meanwhile, crabtree is barking (which he hardly ever does) at 4am every day,
because he's not getting exxxtra-lonmg walks
because my sinuses have me halfway to crippled,
with head pressure, drips and drops and coughs and chills,
and aches and agues for acres and ages......
i'm all effed up,
and it's all really happening,
and even if that's the point, it currently feels more like a dull, throbbing, mallet-strike
on congested kettle-drums,
and i feel a million miles away from present and accounted for.
.....i'll be the guy bundled up in four sweatshirts under my coat out there
walking the dog who isn't behaving,
so if you see, do me a favor and just run me over;
never quiet, never soft.....