and trying to feed this cold into submission...
uh-huh.
i've got complications crushing my cranium with congestion,
and that's a savage interruption of XI-mas festivities.
uh-huh.
that's no joke.
i feel terrible: my once-a-year rotten rhinovirus is in full swing,
and taking great pleasure in my tremendous discomfort and discomfiture.
yuck.
so, i'm just over here wrapping presents until way too late at night,
hunched over on the floor, using up ALL the fancy paper-
(f'really real, i went through six rolls last night- i guess boxes take up a lotta paper!)
and i'm chilled to the bone next to a little high-powered exxxtra-heaterizer.
which is another way of saying: i'm a man with a cold,
which is another 'nother other way of saying:
i have the most deadly cold anyone has ever had
in the whole entire history of human immune systems.
right?
it feels like it.
but, as i said up top, i'm also feeding this F*er alllllll the pasta.
yup.
you ain't taking me down on an empty stomach, bro.
that's my word, y'heard- teleport:
HOMEMADE FIRE-ROASTED TOMATO SEMOLINA PAPARDELLE!!!
boiiiiii, you already know; and if you don't know??
...y'all's had best start askin' somebody.
but, like, i'm serious, neighbors-
i came through with the homemade expert pasta POWER for supper,
and it's probably the only thing that kept me from completely ceasing forward progress,
seizing up, and shutting down...
it worked pretty damned well, too.
i mean, i wrapped up presents for four hours without falling apart,
and i credit it to this super-thiccc pasta and sauce.
first off- i gotta have arugula.
well, rules is rules;
and besides, nothin' goes better with italian food than arugula, man.
-
parsley sprankles? heck yes.
exxxtra little bitsies are always a good idea.
-
and fresh basil?
dudes, that's the MOVE.
the activation level is steadily at eleven, and that's where it belongs.
-
those miyoko mozzarella shreds? exxxactly what this jaun needed
to exceed all the greatest expectations.
s'tight.
just a little melty magic for your face, just for MORE awesomeness!
-
the sauce is becoming a staple of this brutally bitterly cold season, kids.
that thickfreakness is fully operational, and it's made like this.
don't be cheap with it, use a LOT, and then add some MORE.
mmmmm.
too much is the right amount,
and that's the only answer i'm tryna hear.
-
now, let's chitchat about that pasta.
superfat noods of semi-semolina dough,
with dried tomato sprankles throughout-
yeah, friends, that's the sort of stuff that makes dreams come true.
at least, that's what i dream about, anyway.
here's the ritual you can perform at home:
-
*
FIRE-ROASTED TOMATO SEMOLINA PAPPARDELLE!
-
get yourself a big potful of salty water, and a lid, and turn it up to make it boil
-
now, remember that your stand mixer is a hero of unrivaled necessity-
put the dough hook on it, and knead up:
1/2 cup + 1 T flour;
1 tsp salt;
1/2 cup semolina flour;
1 T olive oil;
4 tsp fire roasted tomato flakes;
1/2 cup warm water.
beat it up for eleven minutes, until it's a firm, stretchy ball-
roll it in a dusting of flour, and rest it for another 11 minutes.
divide it in half, and roll each piece into a thin, flat rectangle.
now, here's the secret: gently flour the thin dough, and roll it up into a loose log,
then cut 1/2" chunks off, and unroll 'em to reveal big, fat sexxy noods, bruh.
that's what's good at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress my friends.
let those wide ribbons dry for a short spell,
then slide them into your bubblin' pot of hot water.
they only need like four minutes to be ready, too.
that's quick-
you want some inside info?
aight- i always add my drained pasta to a bowl with a scoople of sauce in it-
yeah, i like 'em all tosssed and coated,
before i blast a big blop of family-style tv commercial dollopy sauce over all of it.
that's right.
MORE sauce, on top of MORE sauce- i told y'all already.
the basil truly blows your mind in this configuration,
with it's accentuation of the burly sauce with such a light, crisp bite...
s'fresh and s'clean-clean...
*
i even almost felt a baby bit better after i ate.
but, i ate too much, of course,
in keeping with my shark-gluttonous infinite nature.
i can't help myself, anymore than i could become a no-present-wrappin' warrior
of holiday cheer.
i wrap, and i box, and i tape and i stack.
it's what i do.
five times the fun?
don't mind if i do, dudes;
never quiet, never soft.....
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