DUMP DUMP!

dumpz on yer face!!!
yeah, boi!
that's how we doo-doo that freaky sh!t at the end of the year.
on the real,
if you're the type of duder that don't eff around and get expert super hard
on some righteous vegan supersexxplosive dumplings?
you might be an A*-hole.
yup.
i said it. it's documented. i meant it.
dumplings are what you need, and they're where you wanna be.
hmm?
ew.
no. i mean asian dumplings, always.
floury soup blops or whatever the F* you think i'm talking about are NOT invited.
this is a plant-based activation sensation, neighbors,
and that only ever means luscious pouches of tofu-laden love.
word up.
i made 'em with the crinkler-pleats this time.
i think i need more practice on those wrinkle-dots,
but i still devoured the whole batch with gusto, bro.
check the teleport:

DUMPZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!
i love 'em so much.
this time around i went super-simple and they came out so super-good.
dough.
filling.
sauce.
if you got that, you've got everything.
*
the wrappers were über-simple, but also turbo-delish.
i made 'em in my stand-up mixer, with 1 1/4 cups of flour,
1/2 tsp salt,
and 1/2 cup warm water, kneaded using the dough hook for 11 minutes.
then i wrapped and rested that ball of dense delightfulness for another 11.
then, because you can't make dumps without cutting out the shapes, kids....
i rolled the whole ball out superthin on a floured cutting board,
and cut out some 3" circles, until i had about twenty of'em.....
i let those wait patiently while i was doing somethin'.
*
what was the somethin' i was doing for those 22 minutes?
umm, obvi, i was making the filling-
yup.
in a 8" pan, with a blop of sesame oil,
i had 1/2 cup tiny diced cubies of pressed exxxtra-firm tofu,
3 T minced red onion;
2 large cloves of garlic, crushed;
2 T shredded and chopped carrot;
2 T rice wine vinegar;
1 1/4 cup shredded kale;
2 T tamari;
1 tsp sesame seeds;
GPOP, dried ginger, crushed coriander seed, and black pepper,
all according to how nice you like 'em.
more of everything means stronger flavor....
that all got cooked down and browned and drowned in the juices it created.
yum.
high heat? sure. it cooks fast.
medium heat? if you don't wanna eat anytime soon go right ahead.
i'm cool with whatever, buddy.
but, y'gotta stuff a fattieboombattie scoop in each of thoe cut dough circles,
and the pleat-top technique is NOT what i'm 100% at, yet.
but i will be, boi.
believe it.
they look a lot like the money-bag icon from monopoly, huh?
yeah.
ANYway, i fried 'em for two full minutes in a hot pan with a blend of sesame and olive oil,
a drizzle of each, and all those dumps getting golden on their bumbums-
then i dosed the pan with a splash of hot water, lidded it, and let 'em steam,
with a handful of sossamon sesame sprankles, for another 'nother five minutes-
that had 'em fully activated, and ready to go.
*
so, really, all i had left was to make up a quick sauce:
1 T tamari;
1 T rice seasoned vinegar;
1/4 tsp two-tone sesame seeds;
1/2 tsp sesame oil;
1/2 tsp agave.
that's soooooo simple, but it tastes elite in these streets, b.
on the ones, when you dunk a dump in the sauce,
then streak it in the sriracha on the side?
expert is the only word that works.
i can't help but toss some green goodness garnish on top-
leaves and sprouts and what-have-yous on there, just to make it nicey-nice for my eyes.
i mean, you know that rules is rules,
and while i'm old and busted, my food is fresh and hot, y'feel me?
stay ugly, eat beautiful...that's my move.
***********
BYE BYE 2018.
i can seriously say, with confidence, that this one was a wild one,
and that it went to eleven, just as all eleven years do-
what's an 11 year?
man, it's math:
2+0+1+8 = ?
yup.
E.L.E.V.E.N.
that's no joke.
i loved harder, i worked harder, i lived harder, and fresher, and louder, than ever before.
i found my person.
we made a person (scheduled to debut in april)
we started a whole new thing,
and the things i already had underway really took off.
we're going into 2019 as a whole new and all-different batch of berserker barbarian battle-beast,
a warren of wild wintry wizarding warrior poets,
a savage storswept raging pack of lightning-striking virtuous virtuoso vikings and valkyries,
and as a team, a tempestuous overlapping whirlwind spirographic ven-diagramatically-correct
starburst of overlapping ghost rings and echoes of infinity.
it's ALL really happening,
and we're stepping into the new year with brave and confident footsteps.
i'm grateful for the time i have been given;
never quiet, never soft.....