BRAIDS

yep.
i did it.
braided prezz'ly-styled bagel magic for my face.
mmhmmm.
pretty breakfast buns to go with a hot cuppa irish brekkie tea.
check the teleport:

s'nice!
ever since i learned to braid, i've been all about that triple-twist life, f'real.
i gotta tell y'all- wheat bran is my friend.
it has a TON of flavor, and texture, and color, and really,
i feel like it turns up the overall sexxxiness to eleven.
...and that's no joke.
so, i have a slap of that manly branliness in 'em,
to give the whole project some burly big barbarian bavarian activation,
and there's real new hampshire maple syrup in there, too-
just because i'm feelin' good about sugar season.
yeah.
you wanna make some of these pretty powerhouses?
a'ight.
here's the plan:
-
*
BAGEL BRAIDS!
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in your upright stand-up mixer, with the dough hook attached,
combine:
3 cups flour;
1/4 cup wheat bran;
1 tsp sea salt;
1/2 tsp baking soda;
2 T vegan butter;
1 pkg regular-actin' active dry yeast.
-
in a separate bowl, combine:
1/2 cup non-dairy milk;
1/2 cup + 2 T warm water;
2 T maple syrup;
1 tsp bread machine yeast.
give it 11 minutes to bloom.
-
...and while you're a it, preheat your oven to 450℉...
-
allow your dough to rise for, like 30-40 minutes-
and while it does, get a rolling boil on for a pot of salted, baking soda'd water-
that's 2 tsp sea salt/3 T baking soda/8 cups water.
-
now, on a floured surface, divide your dough into 8 equal pieces.
mmhmm.
roll every chunk into a looooong length of dough-rope-
i'm talking 15-16" long, and cut each of those into equal thirds for braiding.
the important thing here is to crimp the ends so they don't unravel.
and you may already instinctively know this,
but the first ones done will still be rising and attaching themselves into solid braidy blocks,
so boil them for twenty seconds per side, starting with the first ones finished.
i always bake 'em on parchment, and i like a little coarse sea salt on top, too.
yummmmm.
they get 14 minutes in the oven, tops.
that's all they need.
these jauns got beautifully browned,
and verrrrry good lookin' within the allotted timeframe.
expert.
toasted, with vegan butter, is the smart move here.
i mean it.
simple excellence, and superior tastiness.
that's all y'all need to really experience the full effect of these braided babies.
*
this weekend is FULL.
that's a good thing.
i had tentative plans for yesterday,
and when they fell through, i did what i always do.
i went to work.
that's all i know, guys.
if i can't work at it, i work through it, and work on somethin'...
and my work is personal; i put in work, i work with purpose.
yeah yeah yeah.
meanwhile,
i'll be tattooing with some kind of terrible thumb-ache.
uh-huh.
i sprained or pulled or somehow hurt the hell outta it.
- thumbs are important, kids.
and i'm down one on my power hand.
really, who needs opposable thumbs when you're opposed to most comforts anyway?
i'll be hook-handing the day away,
with all the hours of tattooing ahead of me.
that'll keep me occupied, at least.
so,
here's to hard styles and hurt hands and all these muh-F*ing TATtoos, too.
that's what's happening, and that's what's up;
never quiet, never soft.....