PREZZZZZZZ!

are the pretzels getting better?
F* yes they are.
perfect practice makes perfect pretzels.
that's for real.
check these freshie-fresh ones out:

YUP!
these are one third rye.
that's especially bavarian, bruh.
i dunno if that's technically true, but it feeeels true.
and they taste pretty great.
i think i'm really onto something.
anybody out there think a pretzel and pizza joint would be a success?
i'm into it, for sure.
sea salt AND sesame seed sprankles?!
F* yeah!
y'see that centerline double twist?
that's expert.
seriously, though-double seeds and double twists
and a thick skin of alkaline-boiled badassery is what you NEED!
alright.
here's the recipe for the upgrade:
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*
PREZZ'!
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preheat your oven to 450℉ convection fieriness.
-
bloom up 1 tsp of bread machine yeast in 1/4 cup warm water,
with 2 T real new hampshire maple syrup.
-
in your stand-upright mixer, with the hook hoooked up, knead up:
2 cups + 2 T king arthur flour;
1 cup bob's dark rye flour;
1/2 tsp salt;
1 pkg active dry yeast;
1/4 cup wheat bran;
1/2 tsp baking soda;
3 T vegan butter...
add that syrup/yeast mix,
and 3/4 cup warmed s'milk.
give it a hard 11 minute beat-up, until the dough is hella tight.
using wet hands, roll it over itself up into a ball
and let it rise for forty minutes, covered, until it's doubled in size.
divide it into 8 equal pieces,
and give it that exxtra-twisty twist-up.
roll 'em out long and lean, and form 'em into a U,
followed by a twin-spin and a tuck, to make the classic shape.
believe in yourself and believe in pretzels...
-
you'll need a big pot, hard boilin' with salted baking-soda'd water.
alkaline action makes pretzel skin turn ON.
thirty seconds on each side of each pretzel should do the trick.
fish around in that water with a spider (that mesh spoon thing),
and arrange 'em on a parchment-papered baking tray.
hit 'em with the spranks,
and bake them for no longer than 14 minutes TOPS.
11 might even be enough.
y'gotta watch out for overbaking,
and y'gotta never ever underbake them either.
just pay attention and you'll be okay.
-
did i toast up some dill seeds and caraway seeds to add to the vegan butter spread?
obvi.
that's exxxtra excellent, which is to say: very necessary.
i'm like that.
loaded up MORE little bits of tasty goodness.
that is the right way to present a pretzel.
i'm feelin' especially germanic about these jauns;
and i'm happy to have had 'em hot out of the oven.
***********
why is it SO flippin' cold every night?
i enjoy a nice spring chill in the air,
but teen degrees of fahrenheit coldness?
that's dumb.
it's almost april for cryin' out loud.
i guess it's always a hard style in the woodsly goodness,
but we always forget about it until it's all really happening all over again.
i'm bundled up.
crabtree is snugged in a heap of fuzzy blankets.
we're huddled together and waiting for sunnier times, temps, and dispositions.
the cold hasn't touched our hearts, but it has frozen our extremities;
never quiet, never soft.....