knee-slapper

uh-huh.
i did that.
to myself.
in fact,
i felt obligated to mark the moment with my own two hands an' that.
y'know,
kinda taking it back.
i could've gotten someone else to do it to it,
but that's not really my style, now, is it?
yeah.
instead i half-stripped down to my undies,
wrapped up my upper body in scarves like a gypsy woman,
and straddled the pair of chairs i'd set up.
wait.
gypsy woman scarf costume?
yeah. i get cold sometimes.
be easy.
it made the top of my head look like fabric for a little minute instead of scalp.
you'll see...

is the side of your own knee easy to tattoo?

sure,

when compared to tattooing the back of your own head.
c'mon.
disproportionately distended digits notwithstanding,
i don't generally find myself hanging around in my skivvies

whilst doing ballerina splits.

at the studio or anywhere else.

my legs are very sensitive little kindling sticks.
and that little hinge-bone on the pivot-point is pretty much
a lava-release lightning-strike button.
i kept pressing it.
i'm sayin', i had to.

after all,

i'm never ever that nice to my clients, even when i am one.
turns out,
even after ten ridiculous years of this sh!t,
i still hate getting tattooed.
just ask jess:

she gave me a super-romantic itty-bitty october filler tatty-o.

a present, and a tandem tatblastin' to christen the occasion.

that little luscious candy corn up there is all her.

i moved the whole time.

no, for real though, the entire time.

what an A-hole.

me, i mean, not her.

she was and is super-sweet and awesome and fun to work with.

those two funtime inkslaps were the only work that got done all day.

yeah.

happy anniversary, indeed.

it gets better;

the super-sexy bamboo floors are halfway in.

that involves moving appliances around.

all out-of-the-way an' that.

here's the thickened plotline:

somehow,

while we were out,

the gas stove decided to eat it.

hard.

...curious.

that skuny propane fart stink filled the house,

and uncle steven casually mentioned the fireball he set off

when he tried to heat up some lunch.

...curiouser.

too bad sherlock holmes is long dead,

and probably a creation of pure fiction;

i bet HE could crack the case.

so,

how much is a new stove?

happy happy anniversary, indeed.

one decade down the pipes,

one stove down the tubes;

never quiet, never soft.....