internet-only sales.

wake up call, y'all.
IT'S CYBER-MONDAY!
i'd really love to be more excited about that,
but that is a terrible name for a sales event.
so bad, in fact, that it seems unlikely that
i'll buy any compu-tard items at all today.
that's how it is, duders.
i protest terrible nomenclature.
that's what's up.
black friday?
that sounds dope.
BLACK.
like, sabbath and plague and flag,
putting a little black to it makes it better.
(that's what she said)
but cyber?
c'mon.
isn't that what dial-up chat people used to call
rubbing and typing at the same time back in the old days?
that's not so cool, after all, now is it?
of course not.
cyber-monday.
one big electronic mouse-click market.
closer to gerbiling, if you get me.
tippy-typey-tap-tap-tapping away at the keyboard
is as close to this magical monday's
big capitalist consumption as i'm likely to get;
no loot means no loot.
wordimus prime, ninjas-
i'd be psyched for coal this year,
because i'd burn them jauns to stay warm, neighbor.
for real.
another snow-capped, frost-covered back-to-workday.
these days are like molasses, ninjas.
no, not sweet and syrupy.
it's freezing up here.
molasses moves slow in the best of conditions,
but these days,
it's at a frozen standstill, son.
stopped-up an' that.
time is marching on,
but crawling by these mounatinous manors.
stealthy-like, it's passing, before i notice,
while it seems to take forever.
cyber.
so gay.
***********
i'm feeling wiser.
god knows i'm older.
and not for nothin', y'all,
but i'd hope to be keeping it worthy an' that,
in the face of the bleak weak-sauce ice-capade charade
of winter's discontent.
what i mean is:
i'm still here.
it's still happening.
and if there is only these moments,
then i'm all about makin' 'em count...
...for SOMEthin'.
even in the strength-sapping b!tch-sap sludge
of a blizzardly blitzkrieg,
i'm still making my moves,
and decoding the heavyweight hottness
of the secret universal plan.
odin plucked out an eye and hung upside down from a tree,
and all he got was knowledge of the runes.
i'm plucking skins off of garlic cloves,
and hangin' out at the fortress,
but i'm hoping for a little more clarity
than just a bunch of stick figures and stones,
and broken bones.
however,
names,
when as doo-doo buttery as cyber-monday,
can always hurt me;
never quiet, never soft.....