beauties and the beast.

staying ugly isn't a problem, kids.
it's staying dope that takes all the work.
yuuuuuuuuuuuuup.
check the broken mirror bad-luck what-the-F* teleport:

ugh.
who is that wise man?
melchior or balthazar i'm not.
it's not looking good for caspar either.
no myrrh, no frankincense, and definitely no gold,
unless you count staying gold.
i doo-doo that keeping it real sh!t, for sure.
okay,
so what's up then?
you wanna know what gift this magi brought?
the thunder.
that's right, ninjas.
that's all i've got to rock your stuffed-up stockings with.
fortunately,
my daughters know how to class the place up a bit.
that's real.
the best, brightest, and most beautiful two sweet and lovely ladies
kept me company on regular person xmas all dang day.
i couldn't have been more delighted to span time with those wonderful little women.
lucky me.
no, for real.
lucky me.
talented, kind, considerate, polite, bright, and loving-
somehow i contributed to something good in this world.
twice.
yeah. i know.
i'm as surprised as the rest of you.
neighbors,
check the reindeer-powered teleport:

c'mon!
harvest and maple in their party dresses.
that's the good stuff.
*
duders,
connecticut did not disappoint.
i showed up with gifts, and berfday cake,
and a prime directive to actively participate in what promised to be one for the record books.
my first full-time family holiday in five years,
and my first all-alonely loveless single christmas in sixteen.
it got pretty intense.
...and quickly.
taking it to eleven is a family tradition,
and the escalation of events would've given a normal human severe whiplash.
luckily,
i'm no novice to the natural order of the occasion.
y'know how evolution gave humans the autonomic fight-or-flight response?
well,
me and my peoples left out the"l".
correct.
we operate a fight-or-fight response.
it's a thing, i promise.
harsh language and diamond-hard styles,
with pointy cutlery and sharper tongues,
not to mention potential fisticuffs.
hell,
even the dog caught a kick or two.
warrior poetry is sometimes composed in tinsel and mistletoe.
wild animal werewolfen full(ish) moon business,
paid in full for all-access admittance to.a holiday hoe-down throwdown,
with a furious festival of goodwill toward somebody who must've been somewhere else?
don't think you can ever compete, kids.
we keep it realer.
believe it.
it's ALL really happening;
never quiet, never soft.....