oh my darlin'.

hey there duders,
what do y'all know about citrus?
yeah, that's what i said- citrus.
it's delicious, and too much of it is the right amount.
those are the only two pieces of necessary information i'm going to need.
neighbors,
i spent some time zesting the sh!t out of some clementines.
uh-huh. my microplane was working overtime,
scraping off the oil-soaked ragged rinds of a fistful of those elite orangey orbs.
into a big bowl of buttery sticks and powdery sugar.
yeah.
but i couldn't just leave it alone and let it end there, could i?
no way.
i mean, if
so i found some pure lemon extract,
and fired in a splash of orange juice, i was in the market to make a perfect ten dessert,
i'd be leaving the kitchen a F*ing loser.
my jauns go to eleven, ninjas-
so with the help of my mightily-rotored stand mixer,
i whipped it good and hard,
until light fluffy vanilla-bean infused sweet heavenly frosting got activated.
yeah!
check the teleport:

word up.
chocolate fudge cupcakes, kids.
that's what's up.
and goobieblops on top of that spread-heavy frosting,
over a thin crusting of caked-on sprankles.
son!
my next goal is to up my decorating game, kids.
yup.
pastry tips are on the list,
and then i'll have a broader spectrum of blop-applicators super soon.
***********
i know you want one,
and you know you want one,
but the price of each cup is one visit to the woodsly goodness.
to the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress i call home,
or even the sh!t-salad sandwich where i ply my trade
and trade barbed words and crooked insults with the minky, mincey
mealymouthed meatheads that frequent said establishment.
ouch.
if you can't hang out, then neither can i, y'heard?
in the meantime,
that means these delightful dollops of chocolate and fruit are mine all mine;
i'm wolfing down individual servings of vitamin C,
and keeping all the vitamin D to myself at the same time.
which amounts to more mutha-F*ing nutrients an' that for me, my ninjas.
everybody wants something,
so somebody must be looking for that, too.
no?
oh.
well, okay.
and while every day is the worst one,
every treat gets a little better than the one before it.
i may hold multiple titles as a grand champion of real-life documentarianism,
but small victories will still lose you the war, friends.
so let them eat cake in the meantime,
and whatever starving artistry ensues will have to be attributed to the
presence of preventative warrior poetry in motion.
it's all really happening, y'know?
and today, as always, is the day;
never quiet, never soft.....