Sunday, October 7


and crust,
and cinnamon and sugar and spice and everything so nicey-nice....
that's right kids,
y'boi doesn't play around when it's time to get fresh with the apples.
i'll explain-
apples are kind of expert all on their own,
when you simmer and soften 'em,
and add all the little exxxtras,
and stuff 'em inside of a crust,
and crumble some streusel, dutch-style, on the top?
then you've got a slice of elite americana that goes to eleven.
and that's the good stuff, neighbors.
check the teleport:

wordimus prime.
that's a mutha-uckin' crisssssssp, lil bihhhhhh.
the apples are soft, but firm, not mushy.
the spices are tight af.
the top is all the right textures.
but the real breakout star?
the crust!!
gf vegan pastry???
i got you, boo-boo.
here's how to doo-doo this freaky sh!t like a champion:
in a mixin' bowl, using a pastry cutter, combine:
1/2 cup gf oat flour;
1/2 cup bob's gf all-purpose baking flour;
1/4 cup bob's 1:1 rice-based flour;
1/2 tsp xantham gum;
3 T sugar;
1 tsp vanilla;
1 stick + 2 T vegan butter butts;
chopped and lowered, cut in, and stuffed up-
and then, you add:
3-5 T non-dairy milk,
and fold and turn and fold and turn and on and on and on and on.....
and when you've got a streaky, buttery dough?
refrigerate it for an hour.
preheat your oven to 375℉.
core and peel 6 medium-sized apples;
(i used a combo of local macs and macouns)
cube 'em up into 1/2" chunks, and add 'em to a medium sized pot,
on medium-low heat,
1 tsp vanilla;
1/4 cup brown sugar;
1/4 cup maple syrup;
dash of salt;
2 tsp cinnamon;
1 tsp each nutmeg and ginger;
1/2 tsp allspice;
dash of cloves...
simmer that until they're all slightly soft,
and toss in a handful of gf whole rolled oats...
now you've got two components ready to go.
you roll that dough out, and put it in a pot.
i had a sexxxy glazed terracotta thing, and it fit this perfectly.
i had the crust up the sides, with a little crimpin',
and a whole lotta apples packed in snugly-
all that was left was that streuselly crOmble!
3 T vegan butts;
2 T brown sugar;
2 T powdered sugar;
cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice;
splash of vanilla;
1/4 cup gf oat flour;
1 cup gf rolled oats.
chopped and clipped and crumbled up into a perfect streus!
and then spread ALLLLL over the whole entire top, nice and thick.
bake the whole thing for thirty minutes,
and get ready to lose your flippin' mind, man.
this sh!t right here is the TRUTH!!
and nothin' compares to new englandy apple crispiness.
not once, not never.
....with vanilla bean coconut milk ice cream?!?!
AND coconut whipped cream?!?
and exxxtra cinnamon sprankles?!
too much is the right amount,
and anything else is a waste of our time;

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