Monday, October 8


man, if you ain't effin' with pizza,
you may not even be effin' with real life!
seriously, pizza is the best thing ever,
and if you're not on board?
well, you must be pretend or somethin'.
i made pizza the other night-
dough from-scratch,
sauce from scratch,
specialty toppings,
unconventional expert activation for your FACE!
radical magical homemade vegan pizza is the BEST, and that's no joke.
check the teleport:

this sh!t is pure love, neighbors.
on the ones, it's got all the flavors, and all the textures, and all the crispiest crust crunch, too.
y'ever have broccoli rabe on a pizza?
it's great!
for really real- a lil blanched b-rapini will do you good.
i trimmed the stems and boiled it for precisely two minutes in salty water,
and drained it, so it wouldn't soak my dough, bro.
oven roasted skin-on potato wedges?
you've GOT to get into those.
baked up on parchment on a tray, while the oven preheats to 485℉-
drizzled with olive oil and salt and pepper, gettin' all good and golden.
it's delicious, duders. like, the most.
there are caramelized onions under the minced daiya mozzarella chee'.
rules is rules,
and if you aren't chopping your chee' into smaller bits, you're a chump.
that's bush league amateur laughable sh!t, and we don't play like that around here.
so, you've got potatoes, and broccoli rabe, and mincey chee'....
i also had fire-roasted tomato sauce-
that's blackened crushed tomatoes, salt, oregano, and GPOP,
for those of you who were curious.
a layer of that, and those carmies- always using vidalia onions, btw.
next up, red onions.
too much is the right amount,
and that's how we doo-doo the onion scene at my house.
and there's also fried garlic, and fire-roasted dried tomato flake, and crushed red pepper,
and parsley sprankles!
that's quad spranks, and that's a LOT of exxxtra goodness, y'feel me?
it's true, and it's expert, and i ate the whole thing.
let's talk about the dough......
my stand-upright manly mixer with the dough hook
is indispensable to my daily breadmaking.
i love it, and it loves me back.
it attacked the gluten chains in the wheat-based flour like a champion,
and this crust was so flippin' fresh, i could've eaten it with nothin' else on it.
2 1/4 cups a.p. flour;
1/4 tsp vital wheat gluten;
2 tsp sea salt;
1 tsp raw sugar;
1 pkg fast actin' yeast;
1 cup warm water.
that's IT.
nothing fancy.
everything in one bowl, beat up, and allowed to rise while the 'tatoes and the oven get hot.
olive oil on a seasoned steel tray, and some hand-tossing and stretchin' and dressin' up,
before using a peel to put the pie directly on the baking stones for the last little minute.
i mean,
y'all got baking stones?
kiddo, that's molto molto lame.
you should go get one, or some, and get it poppin' like you know you wanna.
and how long do you bake your pizzas for?
man, i dunno your life!
is your oven convection?
does it register true to temperature?
when your crust looks sexxxy, and the chee' is melty,
and the 'tatoes get those little crispies on the corners it's ready.
use your eyes and your personal preferences to determine what's good.
october is going by too fast.
hallowe'en hasn't even begun over here yet.
i'm stressed.
i need more time, and more sleep, and more of everything.
maybe today is the day?
i'll have to dig deep and start cutting up some foam,
and gluing all the bits together....
if not today, then when, am i right?
today IS the day, and that's just the way it's gotta be;

No comments: