apple, obvi.
apples are their best selves when they're in a pie.
i'm certain that's the truth.
sure, a fresh, crisp, tart apple is pretty tight,
but,
in a pie??
c'mon, neighbors.
that's when they shine the brightest.
i made myself a thick apple pie, and i've gotta admit:
it's totally F*ing expert.
all the right flavors.
all the right textures.
...and with some vanilla coconut milk ice cream, and a little coconut whipped cream?
a la ooh-la-la mode???
boi, you already know what's poppin'.
check the teleport:
Wu-TANG!!!
that's the best.
cinnamon swirlies on top?
and that crisp, flaky, buttery vegan pie crust workin' it for all it's worth?
yeah!!!!!
damn, duders, i do so love a good pie.
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here's the recipes, for your face:
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*
PIE CRUSSSSSSSST PUNX!
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in your trusty food processor,
combine;
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour;
3 T raw sugar;
dash of salt;
1 tsp vanilla;
10 T very cold cut vegan butter;
3 T ice-cold vegan creamchee';
3-5 T super chilled non-dairy milk.
pulse all the ingredients until they're clumpy and crOmbly,
and barely stick together when pinched.
add as much s'milk as you need to make that happen.
dump the contents onto plastic wrap, fold it up tighty-tight,
and refrigerate it for at least 1 hour, or overnight, if you can be patient.
yup.
that's it.
so easy.
you can do it no probsies.
*
preheat your oven to 400℉
-
roll out half your dough on a well-floured surface,
and form a circle to stuff into a 9" pie pan.
roll out another quarter, and make those braids from some cut up strips-
tight.
i got those leaves, and i got those rolls,
and i got myself amped up on apple pie because i doo-doo that freaky sh!t.
mmmhmmm.
next up, the insides:
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*
APPLE FILLING!!
-
in a medium-sized pot, on medium heat, simmer up:
6 medium sized peeled, cored, sliced apples of your favorite varieties;
a pinch of salt;
a spoonful of vanilla;
3 T maple syrup;
1/4 cup dark brown sugar;
cinnamon, nutmeg, and allspice to taste;
one handful rolled oats, to soak up any exxxtra juice.
cook 'em down until they're soft,
and about half the volume they were when you started, stirring occasionally.
let 'em cool, so they don't eff up your dough by being too hot.
that's it.
*
the cinnamon rollies on top?
that's a 9"x 6" rectangle of dough,
and 1/4 cup dark brown sugar; 3 T vegan butts, cinnamon, and 2 T oat flour,
smashed up, and spread across everything but 1/2" on the long edge of the rectangle.
that, you moisten up, and stick to itself when it's rolled.
(roll it from the other side first, obvi)
slice yourself up some 1/4" discs, and arrange 'em however you'd like.
the important things here are order of operations, which i think i have outlined incorrectly.
ha!
dough first.
apples next.
oven on.
bottom crust.
cinnamon rolls.
fill, top, decorate, and the bake.
i gave mine 30 minutes (or a few more, even) until it getting golden,
and the interior of the cinnamon jauns was bubbly.
it came out perfect.
the apples are hearty and soft and sweet but not syrupy and gross.
the crust is crisp and held together like a champ.
the crunchy cinna-mini swirls are expert in every way.
that's how you do apple pie like a hero.
***********
i just wanna make allllll the food.
i've been feelin' it especially these last couple of weeks.
big tasty meals are what i need to stay warm.
that's for sure.
and big tasty meals keep the stove hot, which helps when it's 8℉ outside.
that's some bullsh!t.
i know, i know, it's supposed to be cold in the mountains of new hampshire.
it's juts not supposed to be THAT cold this soon.
i'm all for overachieving, but this takes it to eleven.
we're in deep winter while its still early-stage late-fall.
ugh.
i guess you get what you get, and you're only wasting time being mad about it,
since it is all already here.
i'll get my shovel, you bring a fork, and we'll have pie once the path is clear;
never quiet, never soft.....
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