Saturday, November 24

PUMPLESTILTSKIN PIE!

of course i made a pie for my guys.
girls, actually.
my girls, harvest and maple.
my oldest two daughters.
my dearest darling delights.
i love 'em, and they love pie.
harv is more opinionated and outspoken, and she is of the opinion that pumpkin pie is to die for.
like DMX said: 'give 'em what they want', right?
right.
so, i made a fresh, from-scratch exxtra-expert pumpkin pie,
and baked it and wrapped it and transported it to connecticut especially for my special ones.
yup.
we may not have had family thanksgiving together,
but we are inextricably connected to each other,
and i'm forever gonna wanna make them all the treats.
check the thankful-type teleport:

THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT, B!!!!
pumplestiltskin deliciousness, in F*ing full effect.
yeah.
that's dope.
homemade oaty piecrust?
obvi.
-
food processor-style choppin' makes exxxtra-crumbly flaky goodness if you do it right.
-
1 cup flour;
3 T raw sugar;
1 stick vegan butter;
1/2 cup thick rolled oats;
2 T vegan creamchee';
dash of salt;
1 tsp vanilla;
3-4 T non-dairy milk.
pulsed until the dough is crOmbly and stics together barely when squeezed.
dump it onto plastic wrap, and tightly seal that in a lil ball, y'all.
let it rest at least an hour before rolling it and shaping it and pressing it into a pie tin,
and getting your filling ready, and your decorations ready, and your oven ready at 400℉.
yeah.
the filling on this bad boi?
expert.
check it-
-
*
PUMPLESTILTZSKIN!
-
in your food processor, combine:
3 T tapioca starch;
4 tsp egg replacer powder;
dash of salt;
1/4 cup powdered sugar;
1/2 cup dark brown sugar;
1 can (15oz) pumpkin;
1/2 tub vegan creamchee';
1/2 block pressed silken tofu;
2 T organic non-GMOcornstarch;
2 tsp vanilla;
cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, allspice, cloves, in that order of quantity, to taste....
puree that sh!t to pulp, and pour it into your piecrust.
i cut out the shapes i like,
and i arranged them in snowflake and acorn hottness across the top-
not everybody likes a pumpkin pie,
and even fewer people allow themselves to be creative and make it look any fancier
than a flat beige boring bummer.
i'm not with that-
i baked this lil bihhh until it got all those telltale cracks in the surface.
that's for sure the sign of molto thorough doneness.
-
i want to feed people vegan food.
that's the truth.
i've been eating very, very well- with superfancy exxxtra-dope delights, for decades.
sure, the last seven years have seen me have more time to indulge in developing skills
that were formerly unnecessary and unappreciated by my dinner guests
(read as: picky wife, unhappy life)
but, since then, in all those many years, i've been growing and expanding and diversifying
my culinary repertoire, and now, in the present day,
i just wanna make you something to eat.
i did that for the girls.
i HAD to.
it's what i DO.
*
also,
i dunno if it's a good thing to offer up pie after droppin' bombs on their brains,
but i did that.
we're competent and capable communicators, and i'm constantly impressed by their capacity
to process information in effective ways.
damn, dudes, but for really real,
they're so much better than i ever was at their age.
i'm ceaselessly impressed by their adaptability.
i'm thankful for who they are, how they are, and the way they live their lives.
that's my great gratitude;
never quiet, never soft.....

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