IN FLAMES

if you aren't down to burn the forest down,

you're not my kind of person.

fire makes the cold and the dark tolerable,

and i needed some to make these very cold, very dark nights a little less awful.

it's been windy at night, or wet, or both,

and that makes going outside my least favorite thing to do.

so the very first night it wasn't windy,

i was out making fire.

YEAH!

one match, everybody knows the rules.

ha.

it's true though-

the natural chimney effect of my log cabin fire building style

lends itself to single strike ignition.

y'know how when it's cold af, even fire takes a while to feel warm?

well,

i was frozen for the first half of this pyre- if i could've climbed into it

to get less blisteringly frostbitten...

sure, i could've stayed indoors and been a lot warmer,

but man, c'mon, that's not the point.

the fire is key to barbarian battle beastliness.

y'get me?

it'd been too long since i did any of the woodsly goodsly things

that make remote mountain winters endurable.

and this recharged me a bit.

except only half of me was warm at any given time.

i was spinning like a rotisserie kebab,

and i was still barely cooked.

here's the thing-

fire is good for you,

and cold or not,

the dancing tongues of flame was like super sustenance for my spirit and memory.

yeah,

it's not fancy, or huge, or even that unusual,

but it helped, and there needs to be a lot more of that;

never quiet, never soft.....

PANMAN

panniecakes panniecakes PANNIECAKES!
yup.
look:

oatmeal coconut vanilla sweetcake flapperjacks,
with real maple syrup from CANADA,
and homemade raspberry compote??
that's what's UP.
and add in some savory tofu scrambo with spinach,
and those british fried tuh-mah-toes,
and some crisssssspy roasty skin-on homeboyfries,
and all of a sudden,
you're ready to do lumber work or somethin',
ha.
-
my pancake game is tight, bro.
real talk.
they're thick, they're hearty, they're fluffy, they're sweet,
and they've got layers upon layers of rich flavor throughout each perfect circle.
hmm?
well, i'm using shapes to make perfect pancakes, obvi.
what am i?
an A*-hole?
no way.
-
the pancake recipe is expert.
 i mean it.
1/2 cup + 2 T king arthur flour;
1/4 cup oat flour;
1/4 cup ground unsweetened coconut;
1 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
1 T coconut yogurt;
3/4 cup s'milk + 1 T lemon juice;
2 T vegan butts, melted;
1 tsp vanilla;
1 T brown sugar...
stirred, rested for an hour, and fired up in a hot hot pan.
-
the potatoes were tossed with olive oil, Garlic Powder and Onion Powder,
and salt and black pepper and cayenne,
then roasted at 400℉ until they're golden af.
easy?
of course.
parchment and a baking tray and however much time you need
to be satisfied with how they look.
mmmmmmm.
-
and i added spinach and scallions to the scram,
as well as GPOP, nootch, turmeric, salt, pepper, and smoked paprika.
i sure do love a good scramborghini, neighbors.
and apparently, spinach and tofu boost serotonin.
so i'm happy, nutritionally.
yeah!
-
how about those blackened tomatoes?
heat, oil, tomatoes, being awesome, that's all.
i love 'em,
and i'm psyched about eating them, always.
that's the truth.
-
but how about that compote, man?
a cup and a half of raspberries, a handful of powdered sugar,
a scoop of non-GMO organic cornstarch,
and a dash of vanilla,
slowly heated up until it's thick and syrupy,
and that's what compote is s'posed to be like.
and it be like that.
and that be's goooooooooood.
uh-huh.
-
big B's like these are gonna fatten me up a little more,
and maybe keep me that much warmer, if i'm lucky.
i'm always cold,
i'm always hungry,
i'm always ready for pancakes, even if it's been a little minute since
my last batch-
i dunno why i've been reluctant to make the best foods.....
but this reminded me how much i LOVE pannicakes,
because i'm a no joke pannieMAN.
that's just what it is;
never quiet, never soft.....

JAMMIE JAM

THIS KID

BLOCKS

chocolate cookies,
with vegan caramel chips,
and chocolate drizzle?
i did that.
and there's a lot of 'em, and you should have one.
i can't eat 'em all, y'all.
so help me:

PLEASE!
melted chocolate ganache all over the tops,
with autumnal mini-sprankles, just to make 'em nicey-nice.
cookies are simple, and they get the job done every time.
-
*
BLOXXX!
-
preheat the oven to 375℉
-
in a medium mixing bowl, cream together:
1 stick vegan butter;
1/2 cup sugar;
1/2 cup brown sugar;
3 T cocoa;
1/2 tsp salt;
2 tsp vanilla.
mash it thoroughly-
then stir in:
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce;
add:
2 cups king arthur flour;
1/3 cup ground unsweetened flake coconut;
1/3 cup coarse oat flour;
1 tsp baking powder and soda;
1 pkg, 1o oz. caramel chips.
-
make those little golf balls, about three dozen,
and bake 'em for 12 minutes.....
-
that's it...
just eat some cookies.
they won't solve any problems.
they won't make you taller.
you won't get smarter.
but they might help your day taste better.
sometimes that's all you get;
never quiet, never soft.....

OATSSSS

oatmeal is F*ing great.
and when i'm basically just freezing myself to death every F*ing minute,
i need some rib-sticking hot heartiness to help me not actually die.
and what's thicker than oatmeal?
mud?
i'm not eating that, even if it's hot.
so, oats it is.
a blend of thick-cut rolled ones and scottish steel-cut chunks.
check the teleport:

WOOOOOOOOORD.
simmered up in coconut-almond milk,
with a fat pat of vegan butter,
a dash of salt,
a little scoop of brown sugar,
and a splash of vanilla-
topped up with unsweetened coconut yogurt,
AND toasted walnuts,
AND agave-glazed cinnamon sunflower and pumpkin seeds,
AND mini vegan dark chocolate mini chips,
AND chilly sugared raspberries,
AND toasted coconut,
AND mooooore brown sugar.
so simple, so burly, so MANLY, even when it's pretty for a picture.
what else is there to even say?
oatmeal is the best.
i love wheat, but if i'm gonna get busy with some straight-up great grain goodness
in the morning?
it's gotta be oats.
they're better than all the competitors for best a.m. grain.
grits are cool, but this is the NORTH, bro.
we're up here with that highland hot fire.
i'm channeling the soul of some claymore swordplayin'
tartan skirt wearing warrior poetry,
in the hopes of maybe getting a little more heat resistant.
so far, it hasn't taken hold.
i must need another hundred thousand bowls;
never quiet, never soft.....

THAT SAME SAME

i should get a new oven.
i mean, for the amount that i use it, a faster, more effective, more efficient piece
of equipment would only make my life better while i'm
baking better bits and pieces of radical vegan hottness.
but i don't have one yet,
so i waited FOREVER for a superhot oven situation so i could crisp
up a supersexxxy pizza pie...
that's unfortunate and fortunate.
the pizza was still dope, the timeframe was a real suspense builder.
look:

DAMN,
that's a lotta stuff on that thiccc one, y'feel me?
tomatoes.
spinach.
little mincey pepper spranks.
jalapenos.
caramelized onions.
red onions.
fried garlic sprankles....because rules is rules.
...and minced daiya mozzarella, speaking of rules.
the sauce is cooked.
marinara from-scratch with that hearty italiano flavor exxxplosivity.
mmmmmmmmmm.
and then, to turn it up to eleven?
fried from-scratch slabs of seitan,
with GPOP, black pepper, cayenne pepper, and hot paprika.
YO, that's what's up.
you've had pizza, but you haven't had take a hundred years
and have a hundred things on top homemade ordeal pizza.
it's okay.
i was glad the oven was helping heat up my cold af Fortress.
i'll take a little warmth here and there.
*
it's the coldest ever.
like, as a matter of record, even.
so that's pretty neat.
we win for worst in real time.
is that the title you would shoot for?
not me, bro.
i'd take the warmest one in history any day.
and these weirdies up here who are so excited to do cold weather sh!t?
i like the way the mountains LOOK,
but i hate the way the air feels,
and i hate fun so much,
that skiing, snowmobiling, four-wheel atv-ing, ice fishing, or whatever other
arctic freezy jauns are like alien science experiments on how to waste a perfectly good
day for staying in and getting cuddly by being sweaty
inside some water-resistant balloon clothes while snow sticks to your face
and boogers drip freely out of your head.
dudes,
stop it.
or don't. i'm not gonna be there with you, so do whatever.
i'm forever gonna NOT do that stuff though.
not when i could take too long to make a pizza.
at least i'm warm, and i get to eat pizza.
that's way better;
never quiet, never soft.....

BIG B

tofu scrambo.
reg toast.
avocado toast.
roasty, toasty, smoky, spicy homeboyfries.
blackened tomatoes.
y'know what that's  called?
yup.
the big B.
i needed it before i could begin to brave the bad weather and worse vibes of
a mountain valley early winter snowstormy day.
yup.
a snow day.
but also, an ice day.
and also, a darrrrrrrrrrk day.
with added wind for added discomfort.
expert?
nah, man. that ain't it.
anyway, my guts were prepared more than my skeleton body.
look:

WOOOOOOORD.
that's sourdough, from-scratch, toasted up-with raspberry jam,vegan butter,
and some slab-style sriracha-and-sesame sprankled AVOCADO jauns.
wu-TANG!
that's straight up boomfire for your face.
the tomatoes are just fried with a splash of olive oil,
because they're dope all on their own.
the scrambo?
well, that's some other other sh!t.
black beans, onion, bell pepper, poblano pepper, jalapeno pepper,
cilantro, and scallions,
plus exxxtra firm 'fu, with turmeric and GPOP and smoked paprika
and black salt and pepper....
if you measure spices for tofu scram', you're a genuine bummer.
i stand by that statement.
-
and those skin-on red new roasted homeboy potatoes??
maaaaaaan,
that's 3 bad spuds, cubed,
and tossed with olive oil, cayenne, smoked paprika, GPOP, black pepper,
and a lil' baby bit of ground coriander,
all roasted on a parchment lined tray at 375℉, until they were crisp and golden.
did i pan fry them just a bit before i added the cilantro and scallions?
i did.
did that make them better?
it did.
did i eat all the food with my big dumb face?
i DID.
and is that an expert way to begin a real bummer of a day?
it IS.
ha!
i love good food.
i may not make as much superfancy unnecessary magic anymore,
but when i do, i really remember how F*ing awesome it feels to enjoy
a real whole-food home-cooked intentional and inventive vegan meal.
i had a moment in the morning.
and i liked it;
never quiet, never soft.....

COLD FOREVER

today has not started by going to eleven.
nope.
in fact,
it's only 10℉.
....and it's windy as hell, which makes the lack of degrees feel even worse.
hmm?
oh, i know, i'm always cold,
but right now, it's actually well below freezing everywhere.
and that wind, bro.
seriously, i hate it.
maybe if i was a sailor, i'd be psyched, but since i'm landbound
and in the woods, it sucks the hardest.
it's so cold that this damned dog is taking it easy indoors,
instead of being a real bastardhole about being outside misbehaving.
and when we DO go outside?
he's got a snowbaby outfit to help his chilly short-haired dumb head.

awwwww, s'kyoooot.
i can't wait to get outside and freeze my face off while he poops on some snow.
it's so cold i kept extra sleeping clothes on, under extra blankets.
mmhmm.
i run cold, man.
i already told you that.
i just don't think you really get it.
i'm arctic on the inside, and it only gets colder every day,
and so do i.
do i wanna be hot?
no.
i wanna be warm.
that's all.
and it takes a billion degrees to get me there.
i'm about to get mummified in a hundred layers,
and move even stiffer than i already feel.
is that cool?
it does't look cool.
i'll accept that.
i fell asleep super early, both from the deepest dark and all the blankets,
but naturally i woke up in the dead center of the night for hours.
and when i finally got up outta bed, in the same deep dark,
i navigated by candlelight.
no.
not for ambiance.
huh?
no, the power was still on.
for added warmth.
ten candles throw more heat than a lightbulb, buddy.
i'm not even kidding.
i'm F*ing freezing.
i wanted to have a full moon fire outside.
instead, i had a full linen closet of blankets on my body.
ha.
i'm just not enough person to hold onto any heat, or anything else for that matter.
so,
i'm cold.
colder than cold.
the coldest.
and it's only mid-november!!
man, life is a real wild ride, and i'd better summon up some savage
stormswept viking tolerances to this weather,
or i'm gonna get frozen solid mid-complaint.
i s'pose today is as good a day as any other to start;
never quiet, never soft.....

SNOWBABY

and now there's snow everywhere.
i mean, i live in the northern mountains,
so it's not a huge surprise that it's extra cold and busted outside already.
did i rake any leaves before they got buried under that frosty waterblanket?
nope.
i didn't even mow my lawn before that.
nope.
i don't play outside, man.
and i don't worry much about curb appeal.
for real, my house has needed to be painted for a decade.
y'know why it hasn't been?
because a nice lawn or a sweet paint job don't feel important to me at all.
not one little teeny tiny bit.
even though in the long run, it has to have some positive effects.
i can't see that far into the future anymore.
and that's lame as hell, neighbors.
i mean it- i had plans on plans and plans,
and now i'm blurry-headed about tomorrow,
nevermind the equity that comes from the maintenance of a well-manicured property.
sh!t-
i didn't even get a F*ing snowblower yet.
...and it's snowing, bro.
yup.
it's a snow day, and anything could happen.....
but the main thing that absolutely has to?
snow removal, man.
yep.
i have to get it today, even though it's SO awful to even think about.
i wait and i wait and i wait, and events keep progressing without me.
that's the effect the last year has had on me.
the fear of doing it wrong keeps me from doing anything,
and that's also wrong, for sure.
so, i'll go get the wrong snowblower-
i'm woefully underinformed about machinery-
and blow snow and leaves and tall grass across
the expanse of the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress,
since i have all of that debris in abundance all over the yard.
-
it's weird to work hard on dinner,
which disappears in a shark-gluttonous feeding frenzy,
but to avoid the labor associated with yard work.
i just HATE it so much, and i always have.
i need all the money, to hire all the workers, to do all the things i never ever wanna do.
and when all the money shows up, i'll need it to also generate time,
and with that time,
i'll do anything besides tattooing and driving and being all alone.
i don't have a megamillion dollar idea,
and the skills i have are great for being a multi-thousandaire,
but not much more than that.
so, instead, snowblowin' feels like a mission to colonize mars.
and work seems like the best job ever for not-quite-as-much-as-i'd like.
am i complaining?
probably.
am i improving?
i dunno;
neverquietneversoft.....

ENCHILADA BE KIDDING ME

soft flour tortillas, two sauces,
all sorts of tasty bits on the inside,
and a side of beans and rice?
neighbors-
i was up early, and i was busy busy from before dawn.
i couldn't sleep well.
maybe that's because i fall asleep way too early,
because it's SO freaking dark all the damned time.
probably.
ANYway, i was up and at 'em,
making homemade seitan in a big ol'  pot.
and,
i was deep into some expert enchilada sauce, too.
slow simmered prior to pureeing.
yeah.
i did something especially awesome,
in honor of the day being eleven eleven.
y'feel me?
look:

so much homemade hottness.
it's been a looong time since i wasted that much time making one meal.
-
now, lemme just say this:
too much is the right amount.
also,
MORE sprankles is way better.
and there's a whole lotta those, bros.
i'm sayin', just on top, there's:
red onion.
cilantro.
sweet baby tomatoes.
black olives.
pickled jalapenos.
thin-sliced radishes.
and AVO-F*ING-CADO.
that's pretty much a meal in itself.

-
the interior excellence was no joke, either.
refried beans-
with red sweet pepper, jalapenos, white onion, nootch, ho'sauce, and GPOP,
plus mashed up pink beans....
and 
cashew chee'-
1 cup raw cashews;
salt;
1 cup boiling water;
1 T lemon juice;
1 T nootch;
3 T tapioca starch;
1 tsp ea Garlic Powder and Onion Powder
cooked up in a small pot until it thickened up...
and
poblano pepper strips
and
diced white onion
and
cilantro
and
minced daiya mozarella.
(rules is rules)
and simmered homemade seitan.
the seitan recipe is here.
the oregano, smoked paprika, cumin, black pepper, and GPOP stirred up with it,
and a dash of lime juice, to fully-flavorize.
that's a ton of tastiness,
and all of it is wrapped in tortillas.

...
and then there's the gravy.
if you ain't using gravy on your enchiladas?
you are weak and sad and i feel pity for your face.
word.
the gravy is GOOOOOOOD.
and all it is is 3 T flour;
3 T vegan butter, toasted to a nutty scent and a golden color....
plus 1 cup seitan broth,
1/2 cup water;
1 T nootch;
1/2 tsp ea GPOP.
that's that good-good, guys.
poured into each gap between the arranged wraps?
perfection.
duders, the oven's gotta be 350℉.
and these tubes of tightness need to be laid over a greased 9" x 11" pan,
and then covered in enchilada SAUUUUUCE!!!!!!
mmhmm.
-
*
SAUCE!
-
in a 1 quart sauce pot, melt 1 T vegan butter,
and saute:
1/3 cup sweet onion;
1/3 cup minced sweet pepper;
1 minced jalapeno;
1/2 chopped poblano pepper;
2 cloves garlic;
2 bay leaves;
1/4 cup minced cilantro stems;
cooked until the onions are translucent,
then combined with:
1 tsp oregano;
1 tsp cumin;
1 tsp ground coriander seed;
1 tsp hot smoked paprika;
1/2 tsp black pepper;
1 tsp ea GPOP;
salt;
2 T fire-roasted tomato flakes;
2 T tomato paste;
1/3 cup sliced small baby grape tomatoes;
1 1/2 cups vegan broth;
simmered and simmered and simmered on low-low,
just to make sure it's fully cooked up-
now, after an hour or more,
add all that and 2 T flour, to a food processor or ninja blender or whatever,
and pulse it into a thiccc boi.
now, simmer it up for another 'nother thirty-forty minutes, man.
DAAAAAAAAAAAAMN.
it's too freakin' good.

-
and then there's yellow rice.
that's 1/2 cup jasmine rice,
and 1/2 tsp turmeric,
and 2 tsp enchilada sauce,
and 1 T lime juice with 1 1/4 cups of water....
and then, in the last five minutes of the simmerin',
i added:
scallions, cilantro, tomato, red bell pepper, jalapeno, black pepper,
black beans, poblano pepper, and white onion all together,
to heat it up and make it rainbow magical.
that's a lot of F*ing food.
but that's what happens when the day is over before it starts and the weather is
a heap of crap,
and it's cold as heck and mexican monday and veterans' day
and eleven eleven.
tight.
-
i should've gotten a snowblower.
i should've had a walk-in pickup-trucker in boots
who needed a half sleeve of silhouetted trees with a deer in it,
but instead, i just had enchiladas,
and sometimes, that's all you get.
-
i also have a hole in my leg, and it looks like a small-arms gunshot wound.
i have NOT been fired upon to my knowledge,
so that's troublesome.
imagine if i lost a leg to some mystery overnight injury?
that's be some kind of weak sauce for sure.
unlike my enchilada sauce, which is perfect;
never quiet, never soft.....