a few hours later.

i almost wrestled with a bear a little minute ago.
really.
i let my dog out at 5:30 for some peepee time,
and lo! a burly black baby burly barbarian battle beast
took off a-runnin' down the mountain.
yeah, it was a baby black bear, but i still would've wrestled it.
AND his momma bear if she wanted a piece too.
tear-assing around eidelweiss village,
kicking off our first morning wit some silly a.m. shenanigans.
day one of my two month holiday.
nice.
about 7 seconds later,
thanks to the ruckus rolling through the trees,
a silvery gray sly and slinky fox was flushed out of hiding,
and chilled out across the street, taking in the scene.
olive was SO busy wondering what the F* was going on,
what with the major ursa minor threat on the other other side of the street,
she didn't even notice the foxy lady checking us out.
the woodsly goodness isn't quite ready to abandon
it's lightning-striking vikings and valkyries just yet.
nature wins, ya'll.
2-0.
word up.

so just to recap:
there's some epic '80's-type living situation stuff happening here;
the location is semi-secluded,
the road is a pothole a-hole dirtskid stretch of totally crappy,
and the lot is craggy and mosquito-suckin' bug-ridden.
the house has a t.v. or two in every single room,
(is that even a real thing?)
and it's actually deceptively large.
although that's hard to tell at first
since it's so chock full of other people's property.
(it turns out in this instance, i'm not so down with o.p.p.)

anybody else seen those butt-nasty mammary-meat cutlets
over at shawn hebrank's minneapolis chainsaw massacre?
yep. that's what happens to ultra-hardline vegans.
flippin' out about honey? hatin' on leather? nutritional yeast?
and then this sh!t starts happenin'.....c'mon.
now,
i looooves me up on some TT's, believe you me, mutha-lickas;
big, small, perky, droopy, whatever's clever.
from pendulous & swollen balogna-pony feed-bags,
to xylophonic flattie-boombattie ribs with nibs,
all different kinds of sweet boobalinis are pretty good.
but not so much so, when severed on a slab, yo.
i mean, i get it,
i got it,
i even understand it,
but damn, kids,
i've seen 'the silence of the lambs'....
i'm just sayin'.

i just polished off a 14oz. bag of swedish fish,
and washed it down with a thomas kemper ginger ale,
with honey, but sans human breast!
boo-ya breakfast treats for my bellyhole, kiddies!
why would i consume such a slew of sh!t at 9:30 a.m.?
because i'm on vacation mutha-uckas,
and i don't give a flyin' *uck!!!
i've got a dischordant dog whine soundtrack,
and a tummyache, too.
that's just how really real warrior poets wake up and get busy.
i doo-doo that, ya'll,
as it unfolds, so it is recorded;
never quiet, never soft...