the end.

this is it.
the last day of august.
the big finale.
and it's been a scorcher.
and what could be better?
melting your flesh on contact with the arid air,
evaporating moisture into the searing atmosphere.
dehydrating, my ninjas.
dehumidifying, even.
withering.
one hundred degrees of blistering, brutal barbarian waves.
nothing makes a sweater-loving bearded weirdie like me
go completely cranky-pants furious and unpleasant faster
than a climbing thermometer.
the whole woodsly realm had a fever today.
y'know what else loves the oveny temperatures of late late summer?
the dump.
now,
all you public waste collection, trash day, garbage can-type
urban mutha-uckas have NO idea how really real us rural doo-duders
doo-doo that doo-doo disposal business.
there is no trash man, b!tches.
we're the trash men, i mean.
and we take all that really ripe, rancid, ruined and/or recyclable refuse
to a big square building in the woods.
and let me tell you, kids:
it F*ing stinks.
SO HARD.
worse than a thousand decomposing unwanted dumpster babies.
worse than all the spoiled spilt milk in the dairy.
worse than a hot dock covered in old oysters.
it's rough, neighbors,
and i suspect the vultures swarming overhead
aren't there for the festy leftovers.
they want whole human being bits,
from those unfortunate nose-huffers who succumb to the stench.
i'm just sayin',
if you pass out and puke a little bit,
you'd better hope you land face down...
because those birds will so fully peck out your eye, y'all.
that's just how it goes.
i spotted a couple of sweet macaronis for my hat, though.
and i stuck those feathers right in, too.
yankee doo-doo never sleeps on that hot decor.
believe it.
***********
since family day has been cancelled
on account of the kids being back in school,
we took a grown-ups-only day together to portland, maine.
just me and the wifey.
y'know,
like a date.
we ate heaps of green elephanty goodness,
shopped around a little bit,
and generally enjoyed each other's company.
that's some romantic-type sh!t, ninjas.
don't you be doubtin' it.
except for the sweat.
and the dead oceany aroma of seaside waterfront reality.
hard styles don't take days off.
even when i'm rockin' one of my own.
goodbye, august.
goodbye, summer vacation.
goodbye, weekend.
i'll miss you;
never quiet, never soft.....