oxymoronic.

vegan cheesecake.
it's neither cheese nor cake.
which means it's a big fat F*ing liarmouth in terms of nomenclature,
but also a big fat batch of brutal tasty-times for your face.
yuuuuuuuuuuuuup.
however,
i didn't even know if i could really do it,
but i did it.
(i doo-doo that freaky sh!t all the time, after all)
now,
i guess there's a bunch of recipes out there in the world
for a faux-cheesy not-so-cakey super-sexy icebox treat.
and that's for realsies.
but,
i don't USE recipes,
because i'm a worthy F*ing adversary for the pages upon pages of recipe-tested
weak sauce box-mixing minky mincey mutha-ucking beloved by the lazy
and unimaginative moms of the earth.
so,
in keeping with that confrontational and effeminate manner of living,
i freaked it off with expert-level theoretical food science instead.
and for the utmost in kitcheny oven-lovin' activation,
i made some kind of true-life fake-dairy double-dope dessert!
wordimus prime, neighbors-
check the top and bottom piecrust teleport:

yeah!!
i even made a new version of that graham crackery crumble-type jauns,
and my experiment created too much of it for just one lonely bottom layer of pie.
lucky for all of us,
too much is almost always the right amount;
so i mounded it all up on top of that sh!t, too.
firm and heavy, sweet and succulent, that white sh!t in the middle is from the future.
and i brought it down to earth with my big crazy cooking styles.
huh?
c'mon.
of course there's blueb's all over it too.
what do you think i am?
some kind of an A*-hole?
no way, my ninjas,
and when it comes to sugary sweet sticky blue balls of awesome,
i'm kind of the authority on the subject.
real talk.
***********
the weekend is almost over.
i've been awake for almost all of it,
but i've also been getting next to none of anything accomplished.
however,
i started to learn to knit-
and i mastered the art of the knitted brow.
consternation is my new best friend.
and we're hanging out all day together;
never quiet, never soft.....