don't F* with my mise!

mise en place, neighbors.
yeah.
that's that sexy t.v. kitchen jauns.
y'know?
like,
you never see chefs cutting their own sh!t.
it's all chopped up and waiting for them.
all those little bowls, awaiting their pleasure-
why?
because big timers don't prep.
that's for their lessers to facilitate.
hahaha.
but, for real though.
the thing is, i like chopping stuff up,
and i really like making stuff to eventually chop up,
and i really really like making all the stuff from scratch.
mmhmm.
duders,
check the mise-en-place-type teleport:

c'mon!
and then, C'MON again!!
go ahead and try to tell me that a spread like that is't expert.
yeah, right.
if you can't hang out with the assembly line looking heck-xtra luscious,
you are an A*-hole, and you can't come over for dinner.
duders,
i got all my top-notch tippity toppings all in a row,
all seasoned and sauteed and steamed and everything.
i like when it's all ready already.
and honestly, when there's big action afoot,
it helps a whole lot to be right on it,
instead of just F*ing around like a freaking amateur.
that's no joke.
i'm about it,
and i'm not just 'bout it 'bout it,
i also enact all the pre-prep preparations, too.
mmhmm.
seitan, vegan roast, vegan sausages, pesto, underchee', & secret chee'
were all created on the spot, in advance, but at the same time,
as i got my game face on, and my good stuff poppin'.
that, my friends, is how really really real food heads amp it up.
why?
because too much is the right amount, always.
seriously, though,
take a look at some of what i had happening yesterday:

woooooooooooord.
that's vegan roast.
fat red kidney beans, a quarter of a block of tofu, sage, thyme, smoked sea salt,
sweet paprika, black pepper, nootch, g.p.o.p., tapioca, bouillon, olive oil,
garbanzo flour, oatmeal, sauteed onions, whole cloves of fried garlic,
and all of that tied together with a cup of wheat gluten.
damn.
it's good.
it took longer than usual to bake, because it's fatter and wetter than average.
why?
i dunno!
i just adapted to the circumstances as they reared up.
i do that.
and how about this wheat meat?

i sure love seitan!
there are some especially gross photos of this stuff,
and i can't help but wonder why folks'd take a snappy
of something that looked so terrible,
and more than that,
i wonder why wouldn't they take a shot
at making it look just a little less sh!tty in the first place?
i dunno.
i think mine looks like wet bread chicken breasts,
which, while not all that sexy, does't look like heaps of animal poop.
real talk.
and since we're already talking about poops,
these are the shape of sh!ts,
but i sincerely hope you'd never mistake them for it:

sausages!!
steamed wheat gluten and tofu and bean flour and tapioca;
a similar base to the initial roast, which is really just a fluffier, wetter seitan at heart-
these jammers have ALL the spices, (but for serious, they have all the spices)
and liquid smoke,
and parsley, and onions, and more onions,
and a ton of garlic,
and after rolling, foiling, and hot air activating,
they taste pretty damned amazing.
plus,
i whipped up that cashew, nootch, g.p.o.p., garlic olive oily tofu underchee',
and i thinned out a smaller portion with soymilk, and tapioca,
for a closer-to-melted-mozzerella dolloping chee'.
my food processor was working triple-double-exxxtra-duty overtime yesterday.
all so i could have a fresh-to-death spread laid out for my favorite night of the week!
wednesday?
no.
not exactly.
my favorite night isn't anchored to a specific point on the calendar.
it's pizza night!!
ha.
a.k.a. the best night.
i eat a lot of pizza, and i make a lot of ingredients for it.
it's all really happening,
i'm always ready for it,
and that's all there is to it-
don't snack off my line, though, bro.
my mise isn't here for F*ing with;
never quiet, never soft....