sconification.

so,
i thought i'd had the lightest, softest moistest scone possible
while i was in connecticut earlier this week.
which of course made me furious the instant i was done eating it,
because i didn't make it,
and that just would NOT stand.
so,
i got home,
and i shivered, and shoveled, and huddled up and sniveled and sniffled,
and then,
after a break in my feverish fugue,
and a forceful flexing of my enfeebled fingers,
i got molto busy with upping the ante on my own scone zone.
i mean, c'mon.
the best scone i'd had was someone else's?
i felt a little embarrassed, and a lot motivated,
and i figured that i'm smart enough to reverse-engineer the recipe,
so i did what i could, and i got what i wanted....
neighbors,
i needed new hottness, and i got that new hottness.
check the teleport:

SCONER-POPPIN' FIRE!!!
what did i do this time to bring that heat from the ovenly loving forge-lords
down to my humble home,
in order to summon the good stuff to my hungry bellyhole?
well,
for starters, i threw in 50% more butterish pats,
and half a cup of creamchee'.
i hit 'em with a heavy left-handful of sugar too,
which is to say, half again as much as i'd used previously
oh,
and i used lemon juice for half the liquid, to give it some wetter, better,
acidic activation in the baking portion.
and i chilled the dough twice, once before cutting, for a half an hour,
and again for eleven more minutes, after portioning,
in the flippin' freezer.
it really did a little something special,
and these were even more expert than the fluffy flopper i fed myself the day before.
i set goals, and i strive for them.
guys,
i couldn't let that other scone be the one.
....and it was soooooo good, too.
i love scones. a lot.
like,
maybe too much,
and even when they're the especially dry ones,
i still have to have 'em if they're there, and i can, and so i do,
because i doo-doo that sconey-islander sh!t,
but here's the thing-
if one scone variety is good,
then two is clearly better.
y'know?
too much is the right amount, and that's the g-darn rules, freinds.
so,
we have ourselves some chunky, hunky wedges of lemon cranberry jauns,
with lemon drizz', and cranberry sprankles!
and then,
we get a second wind, and a second helping of cranberry-almond jammie-jams,
with toasted almonds and raw sugar spranks,
and a little sexy almond icing drippin' down the sides,
 for just a tad extra sweeeeetness.
that doesn't tell you what the recipe is,
but,
that's sort of the point.
i don't know how YOU like your scones,
i'm just sayin' that these ones were definitely MY type.
in fact, i had a fourgy of flavors,
and that fed my illness a hearty overdose of scone medicine.
i feel a whole lot better, too.
i guess it's true what they say-
let food be thy medicine,
and then double-down on the dispensation of the goods.
what?
really?
is that not how it goes?
oh.
well, i still feel better,
so maybe you're the one who misunderstood.
*
in unrelated news,
it would seem that the majority of the rural north's tax return money
has already gotten spent up right quick.
hmm?
oh.
the studio had a rash outbreak of last-minute cancellations for this weekend.
which i can only attribute to the hard styles of empty pockets.
ummmm, yeah.
it appears that all the big-daddy movie checks talk a whole lot of noise
when they first show up, all swollen and heavy and urgent,
but,
poor people will do as poor people do,
and as the big-bobby-all-out-ball-out doodietwinkles peter out and piss away
their earned-income credits,
every non-instantaneous extraneous indulgence usually slinks away
like past-due invoices and loose-coin changepurses by the end.
awwww.
ha.
it affects me, and it doesn't, duders.
on the one hand,
spaces have opened up,
but on the other,
it wasn't the new hottness that disappeared,
but rather the mundane and the mediocre.
and while the money spends exactly the same,
it feels different in my wallet.
i'm serious.
it's the difference between a gas station muffin, and a homemade one.
sure they're both blueberry,
but they're not really alike.
i do what i do,
and i do it as hard as i can, to the best of my ability, every time-
but that doesn't mean i don't have my preferences.
and i prefer an informed client with a bad idea over an indifferent one with a great idea.
that's totally a true story-
you vote with your wallet, kids,
so make smart decisions.
....or not.
i'll be eating scones, and zipzapping regardless,
however,
due to predictable circumstances,
at this late last minute,
i might even have spot within which to make your dreams come true;
never quiet, never soft.....