Monday, December 3


vegan sour creme.
that's the secret ingredient.
it makes things soft and light,
and it makes 'em smooooooth, too.
ok, so-
i wanted to make coffee cake, but about halfway through the process,
i just jumped off the path, and went into a whole other 'nother direction.
i still made coffee cake,
but, like, for real, though-
wanna see?
you do?!
ok, then check the creme-cake-type teleport:

i like cake, neighbors, and i have an oven and nobody to answer to,
so that's all y'all need to know.
that's not entirely true.

now, i'll also tell you HOW to make one yourself.
because i'm nice with it, homie. duh.
that oven better be convectulatin' @ 360℉
in your trusty, never-rusty stand mixer, with the whisk attached,
pulp up:
1 stick vegan butter;
1 cup sugar;
1/2 tsp salt;
1/2 cup non-dairy vanilla yogurt;
1/2 cup vegan sour creme ( i still prefer tofutti the most);
1 tsp vanilla.
1 tsp xantham;
1 cup mama's gf coconut flour blend;
1 cup bob's ap gf baking bend;
3 T tapioca;
1/2 cup bob's 1:1 rice based gf flour;
2 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
3/4 cup non-dairy milk.
whip it as fluffily as you can manage, and spoon it evenly, and level,
into a 9" springform pan.
single layer cakes are for anytime.
that's my theory, and it seems to hold truer than not more often than not.
that's good enough for me, man.
bake it for 40 minutes, or until a cake tester comes away clean,
and let it cool completely before you attempt to frost it.
and that frosting is a three-stage coffee-based blast of burly strength, neighbors.
y'got 6 T vegan butts;
1 T vegan creamchee';
a baby pinch of pink salt;
1 tsp vanilla;
1/2 tsp pure coffee extract;
2 1/4 cups powdered sugar;
1/4 cup non-dairy milk-
whisked with your manly mixer until sooooooo aereated and light,
and spread over the top.
now, all the frosting you didn't use?
add it back to the bowl, with 2 T instant coffee,
and 1/2 tsp finely ground espresso beans,
and beat it up all over again.
that's expert, and strong, and delicious, and dope.
no doubt.
well, yeah, those're little candy cuties on top.
rules is rules, and exxxtras are actually just rights in these parts-
the sugar snowflake sprankles just activate the site-specifity of the thing.
we're in the wintry white mountainous white christmassy woodsly goodness,
and i wanna like i'm living', bro.
and that's cool as ice.
i've got stockings EVERYWHERE.
that's real.
if you're on the team, and you're around a lot?
you have a stocking.
crabtree has one,
tron and i have matching ones at the studio,
heck, even weird dylan has one.
that's just how i do it up here.
it's a representation of gratitude and generosity, spirit and memory,
hot fire and lightning and all the other warrior poetic virtues.
it's all really happening, and it's going right into a bunch of giant single socks;
never quiet, never soft.....

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