Thursday, December 6


i wish the krampus would've come through and
set off a whoopin' and a thrashin' last night.
i mean, c'mon, man-
a giant devil with a broom slappin' you silly because you've been naughty?
that's rad.
i'm into it, and i feel as though i would've been in good company
as my legs and arms caught a switchin' from the observant powers of heaven and hell.
instead, i had a really long phone call, and no cookies.
i made cookies, but i gave them to away-
and nothing makes long talks more productive than a handful of cookies.
that's a fact.
cookies make conversations better;
and while i had a whole plateful of the cookies earlier,
that way waaaaay before the chat got underway.
krampus cookies are expert.
and when they're gluten-free, and coconutty, too?
man, that's when you gotta eat a LOT of cookies as fast as you can.
check the teleport:

some of you may remember that i made that krampus a little ways back.
i'm not just a real-life documentarian,
vegan epicurean creator and curator,
and a tattblastin' warrior poet.
i also doo-doo that puppetry sh!t, as well.
that's right, friends, i'm over here in the woodsly goodness making some sort of Folk Life,
and i'm willing to share the cookies and the stories with some of you, too.
here's the rundown of radical gluten-freedom-fighting bakery barbarianism,
as it unfolded in real time here at the morning-glorious Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
preheat your oven to 375℉
in a medium mixing bowl, combine:
3/4 cup sugar;
1/4 cup powdered sugar;
1/2 cup unsweetened small dry-flake coconut;
1 3/4 cups bob's ap gf flour (chickpea-based);
1/2 tsp salt;
1/2 cup bob's 1:1 gf rice flour;
1 stick vegan butter (8 T);
2 tsp coconut oil;
1 tsp vanilla;
1 tsp xantham;
1/2 cup gf oat flour;
1 T tapioca starch;
cut that all together into a crumbly meal, and add in:
1/2 cup coconut yogurt;
1/3 cup carton-style coconut milk-
stir it, knead it, and make it into a sticky dough-
then get yourself a baking tray, and blop out two dozen small balls,
and bake 'em for 11 minutes.
you'll have plenty of dough left-
add 1 T vanilla bean paste, an knead it in-
do the small ball thing again, but flatten 'em a little, maybe,
so you can tell the difference an' that-
bake those, too-
and then add 2 T cocoa to whatever's left, and make some chocolate jauns!
that's a lotta cookies, but that's a good thing:
too much is the right amount...
for real.
eat 'em, love 'em, share 'em, ice and decorate and get fresh-to-death on 'em,
but whatever you do,
don't forget that krampus is watching, boi.
it's too bad you can't fill in a sign-up sheet with candidates for a threshin'.....
i'd fill my own name in the first three slots, for sure.
a good old fashioned A*-kickin' in the name of XI-mas?
i'm so ready already;
never quiet, never soft.....

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