Wednesday, December 5


man, i F*ing LOVE eggplant.
on the ones, it's the best, and when i'm gonna do it,
i gotta overdo it.
i mean, c'mon- rules is rules.
and the number one rule with eggplant?
too much is the right amount.
so, eggplant sandwiches are here, and they're large and they're in charge,
and they're really molto expert, too.
check the teleport:

dylan came over, because he's an aubergine-head as well,
and we both took down a massive manly sandwich
on a homemade slab of fresh-baked bread.
the vegan stretchy chee'? from-scratch.
the breading? so tight.
the sauce? homemade tastes better, always.
neighbors, this sh!t right here is the TRUTH.
just look at this:

that's level-eleven off-the-charts hottness, homeboy.
le,,e tell you about those buns-
in your stand mixer, combine:
1 3/4 cups a.p. flour;
1/4 cup semolina flour;
2 tsp salt;
1 tsp sugar;
1 pkg regular actin' yeast-
with the dough hook attached, knead that up with:
2 T olive oil;
3/4 cup warm water w/ 1 tsp bread machine yeast.
beat that up on lowish speed for ten minutes,
cover it and let it rise until double in size ( i refrigerated mine all day while i worked)
preheat your oven to 375℉
shape three long logs of luscious loafism on a baking tray,
and allow them to rise thirty or more minutes-
brush a splash of melted vegan butter on each, and score the tops,
before baking them roughly 20 minutes, turning twice to allow for maxxximum browning
and ultimate fluffed fresh-to-deathness to dominate your kitchen.
das IT.
the sauce?
man, i had two cups of tomatoes roasting at 400℉ until blackened.
yeah. i had that going on just in case i needed to get expert on some sauce.
good thing, right?
i know.
in a 1 quart sauce pot, in 1 T olive oil, saute:
1/4 cup sweet onion, minced;
2 T minced shredded carrot;
3 cloves garlic;
2 cups blackened baby grape tomatoes;
pink salt, black pepper-
when the onion browns at the edges slightly, add:
1 heaped T tomato paste;
1 T nootch;
1 T white wine vinegar;
1 T tamari-
cook for three minutes on medium heat,
then add:
1 1/2 cups crushed tomatoes;
1/2 cup warm water;
1 tsp ea GPOP;
thyme, sage, rosemary, basil, oregano, parsley.....
just let it simmer on low-low until it's lookin' thick af,
then put a lid on it and relax.
it's ready.
and it's gonna be so good.
homemade sauce is the way to heaven.
jar sauce is NOT
the chee'?
dudes, i might've marginally effed up.
next time? no turmeric.
that sh!t is yellow and that's not what i wanted at all.
otherwise it's so rad, and the recipe goes like this:
i your food processor or high speed blender, puree:
1/2 block undrained silken tofu;
1/4 cup tapioca;
1 T lemon juice;
3 T nootch;
1 tsp ea. Garlic Powder Onion Powder;
pink salt;
2 T olive oil;
1/4 cup water.
smash that into a slurry,
and stir the heck out of it in a small pot on high heat until it's one stretchy, sticky mass.
that's all you gotta do, and you get all the goodness from like, two steps of effort.
there's parsley sprankles on my sandwiches.
i like a little spritzle of fanciness-
there's a lotta radicchio and spinach, too.
y'know i want leafies on my sandwiches for all the nutrients-
and carmies?
maaaaaaan, come ON-
thickness is the key here, bro.
fat strips of slippery caramelized onion are the super-activator.
...that's flavor for your F*ing face!
and that's how you make it magical.
it's the eggplant that exxxplodes with excellence-
molto melanzane in full effect-
slices of small italian eggplant >1/4" thick,
salted, rinsed, and dredged in eggless batter,
before getting breaded like a F*ing champ-
yo, dudes, you don't know, but you should learn a little-
1 cup of soy milk,
1 T chai/flaxseed meal, bloomed in there,
salt, black pepper, and 1 tsp chickpea flour for the juicy juice that affixes the crOmbles.
gluten-free rice crispies,
organic non-GMO cornstarch,
chick pea flour;
oregano, nootch, black pepper, crushed red pepper, GPOP,
and, if you're feelin' wild, cornflakes, all crushed up to a fine crumbly grist,
and stuck fast to both sides of each flap of purple circular superiority.
i fry mine for a few minutes on each side in huge pan with lots of vegetable oil-
i like 'em crissssssp, son, to counteract all the sauce and chee' they'll be loaded with,
before i bake those badboiz in the same oven i baked the bread in moments earlier-
how long?
until it's finished.
they sizzle, and they look better,and they smell amazing-
you'll know what to do when it's time.
hot fresh bread, hot fresh sauce-embossed chee'-stacked eggplant,
and all that other stuff,
all loaded together and exxxploding with amazingness in your mouth.
huge sandwiches are the best.
and i miss sandwich week.
i do.
and it's been a minute since the last one,
but we're still nine MORE months away from the next one.
i gotta get it poppin' in between, broski.
that's a thing.
this helped.
i may need another soon, though.
there's never enough sandwiches, and that's no joke.
i am psyched to have my table set with sumptuous feasts,
i am psyched for the intuitive cooking skillset i employ,
i am grateful for the time i have been given,
and i'm ready for tonight's dinner already;
never quiet, never soft.....

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