axe and smash!

better known as demolition, right?
for those of you who had healthy childhoods;
axe and smash were leatherclad s&m fetish-suited professional wrestlers,
more commonly referred to as the tag team duo of devastation
commonly cheered and jeered by mulleted metal-heads and pseudo-urban midwesterners
under the mosh-magical moniker of demolition.
(shhh, listen. can you hear the megadeth playing in the distance?...)
nobody's wrestlin' with anything but pangs of conscience up here,
but plenty of smash-bashin' barbarian heavy-handed
axe-haft hammerin' is happenin'.
who would have guessed that home improvement involves so much home demolition?
i'm wrecking my house under my own volition.
on purpose, an' that.
hell,
it's costing us loot, to boot!
but,
the new & better berserker battle platform is gonna rule my jewels off,
and that's totally worth all the power-washed waterboarding
that i'm torturing myself with right now.
i lament the lack of dead bird lovin' in the forests of flavor,
because we've got enough tar here to puritanically punish
even the most unrepentant pilgrim,
all we're missin' is the feathers.
when the last ant kicks the bucket,
and the last square-head screw gets torqued into place,
what should we be expecting:
lantern posts?
i think so.
wrought iron plant hangers?
F* yes, my ninjas.
a kickass spiral-staircase gate with blackened iron hinges?
of course.
what am i? an A-hole?
maybe, but i'm an apehole A-lord with soon-to-be elite deck, too.
recognize.

i don't just screen my calls,

i screen my doors, and my photos, too.

uncle steven gets busy, ya'll.

and in case you mutha-flippers weren't sure about how it goes;

a sawzall really actually truly saws all.

seriously, i was there. i saw it all.

c'mon.

these days are unfolding.

they're unfolding from incredible unsolvable origami animal shapes.

some kind of geometric capybara or somethin'.

i can't do much but reactively participate,

enjoy the slow striptease of unfurled events,

and follow the clues left behind by the secret universal plan.

it's like a treasure hunt,

and the prize is a fresh Folk Life in the woodsly goodness.

it's all really happening,

and i am pretty mutha-lickin' grateful for the time i have been given;

never quiet, never soft.....