greyer than gruyere.

holy smokes!!
my little diaper-baby infant youngest sister,
anna,
turns 29 today!
that's ridiculous.
i mean, she's the baby of the family,
not some grown-up woman or anything weak-sauce like that.
what the F*, ya'll.
happy berfday, freaky-diki old-ass b!tch!!
weird.
hell,
jess's lil' broski,
robert,
hit the same milestone yesterday.
y'know what that makes your favorite berserker barbarian lawnmower man?
old.
i feel that sh!t in my osseous calcium sticks when i wake up, too.
and when i go to sleep, all early-like an' that.
and especially when i peep a peek at my mirror image in the lookin' glass.
i'll gladly take the gray hairs that're stayin' put
over the ones that're brown and still leaving my scalp for greener pastures.
nice.
not to mention, lest i ever forget for a quick second,
i've got hunin and munin sittin' pretty on either side of my facepiece, yo,
or at least their feetprints next to my eyes.
crow-footed squinty smile wrinkles, some would say, look distinguished.
c'mon.
laugh-lines my ass, mutha-uckas.
i think it may be more of a pyrolysis effect.
weathering my wan complexion with each licking tongue of hot fiery spit.
it's better to be bold and let the words, worlds, and worries wear well on my face.
the price of vainglorious narcissism, ya'll.
i can't help but stare.
even when it sucks.
ah well,
you miki-fikin' mutha-lickers aren't gettin' any younger either.
yeah, misery does love company.
it's so true.

okay, i'm really not that old at all.
maybe i'm just feelin' time creepin' up on me
well,
with the nonstop reality that i contnue to age,
in some places more gracefully than others,
i don't worry about having a screw come loose
or about problems with the plumbing.
my jawns is tight, ninjas.
that's yet another 'nother benefit of having the right tools for the job.
just one more reason to always choose the wrench, y'heard?
i live life, ya'll.
it's all really happening,
every single day in every possible way.
careworn and weatherbeaten,
worthy warrior poetry is written all over my face;
never quiet, never soft....