thor-oughly

i've got sh!t to do.
moves to make.
fire to spit.
activity to activate.
and skin to inscribe.
...all flippin' day long.
brutal barbarism, my ninjas,
attacking each hour in an all-out full-frontal
berserker blitzkrieg.
and to top it off,
i got a haircut,
and my beard trimmed.
whaaaat?
yeah,
less wiry pube hedgerow cheeks,
more classy mutha-F*er.
c'mon-
i didn't say i was shaving, baby,
so be easy;
i said trimmed.
my facial topiary garden is ready to look it's best.
and i'm looking for a perfect balance of
blowing locks and blinding bald spot.
my hairline's receeding,
but my bloodline's top seeded.
that is, it's number one.
that's correct,
the breakbeat double-bass of my
double-boilin' dutch oven of dopeness
is the numero uno entry in the woodsly goodness.
for what?
i'll tell you for what:
for proactive participation and personal activation,
and anti-site-specific social network interaction.
huh?
c'mon, ninjas.
i'm tryin' to win over here.
***********
turisas is what's up.
epic viking hard style barbarian battle metal.
just what the world needs more of.
and,
it's fully the perfect soundtrack to tattoo to.
a little norse fury,
some fiddle solos,
and an accordion.
instant awesomeness.
it works, too.
everybody had a better day at the studio today;
and i believe it was 100% due to the
battle metal masterpiece rockin' our socks
and our eardrums for hours while we worked.
russian gypsy jigs and finnish freshness?
i'm trying to help you mutha-uckas here.
try it.
you'll be converted as well.
***********
who wants to come over and stain my bathroom?
hold on.
hold ON.
with some minwax.
jeez.
the wood is lookin' good (no sexy)
but it needs the sealing protection and preservation
of a couple coats of hott sauce.
what am i proposing/
well let's see;
do you enjoy vegan treats?
how about heroic hospitality?
the warmth of a woodstove?
well, then,
i've got a mission for your A*.
come on over,
bring a brush,
or at the very least,
strap on some big business overalls,
and let's get busy.
i could use some help is all i'm sayin'.
where all my brush-strokers at?
never quiet, never soft.....