thoroughly.

more like thor, roughly.
it's thunder day again.
only,
with 11% less thunder.
what could've lessened the lashing?
if i was taking guesses,
i'd suppose it might've been the human feces.
wait!
what?
yep.
you read that right.
human excrement.
not contained within the human body either.
human waste,
in my house.
on the new bathroom floor.
uh-huh.
the wood one,
the very same one that hasn't been poly-coated.
it has, however, been stained.
with sh!t.
sh!t-stained, even.
since the most excellent lair of loafing
hasn't been completed,
there's no toilet in there yet.
so the whole hole was just plugged up,
waiting for the wax ring and the ceramic seat.
of course,
the cloth clog couldn't compete with the
hard style hurricane of backed-up squack
from the functioning facilities.
i know what you're wondering:
how'd that work out yesterday evening?
with a full house of guests waiting for dinner?
what type of monumental mishap marauded my life
at precisely the magic moment when
the upstairs bathroom's number one gravity feed
decided to collide with the epic log jam jamboree
lurking within the iron drains,
previously deposited by unknown persons?
(it sure as F* wasn't me, ninjas)
oh yes indeed, muthab!tches.
secret sauce,
the weakest, and most awful,
just like you hear about in other people's horror stories.
doo-doo butter meets doo-doo water.
the end results?
how about a small poop sprinkle sittin' pretty on the floor?
you like that?
do ya?
i know i did.
especially when jess walked into the overflowed bathroom,
and while mopping up the mess,
spotted our knobbly little nugget of gnarliness,
asked if it was what she thought it was,
and then left.
and i mean LEFT left.
without returning...
...
...
thank goodness for antibacterial soap,
and for the possession of prior janitorial talents.
i'm sayin',
take a wild guess who stopped cooking, mid-stir,
in the midst of making a meal for six,
and stooped down and out long enough
to paper towel, plastic bag, and thoroughly pooper-scoop
a butt-nasty little toxic soft-serve tootsie roll?
makes one wonder just what exactly
fortune bestows in favors on the bold.
real life.
documented.
let me take a second to mention that
i'm glad i really, really like my friends.
because i'm pretty much positive that last night
i scoopled one of 'em's turds.
the thunder is less ferocious today by comparison;
never quiet, never soft.....