true stories, told truly.

even if sometimes the fortunate fortune
is more than a little lost in the translation:

it's so true.
every gathenn i've ever been to?
totally welcomed,
with open arms, even.
well, neighbors,
now you know what i did about dinner.
sometimes,
you've got to get that sesame tofu jauns in your mouth.
especially after a doo-doo buttery b!tchbag of a day
dodging jams of traffic,
and jamming dodgy duders,
and trafficking tattbombs on dirty d-bags,
and getting the F* out of dodge.
oh, c'mon.
it's true, my ninjas.
today,
as far as end-of-summer last-hurrah-type jauns go,
was a washed-up washout of waterbabyish weakness.
and,
somebody must've misprinted a notice
in the announcements section of the small,
shoddily edited up-here newspaper, too.
huh?
yeah,
that's actually pretty common.
illiteracy is how these up-here 'necktards get busy.
i can write that,
because they can't read it.
(EXPERT)
anyway,
about a billion and a half boatloads of buttholery
passed by our secluded Fortress this morning.
for serious, son.
out-of-towners, turning around as confused as can be,
in a seemingly endless roundabout search
for lame-cake labor day yard sales.
NONE of which were happening in my driveway,
in the woods,
off the main tract of tracks.
i'm sure my sawdusted and dirt-toothed
sweaty woodstackin' axe-warrior crazy eyes
weren't their only hint as to the misprint.
oddly,
only one old lady actually rolled down her window to ask
about the yard sale that was pretty flippin' obviously
not occuring in my woodshed.
the rest got a good gawking gander
at your favorite warrior composer of northern extremism,
and sped away with all due and undue haste.
i'm just sayin',
it's pretty much universal law that yard sales have sh!tty
hand-lettered cardboard signs, right?
for real.
if you don't see a sign, mutha-'uckas,
what makes all ya'll think that there's some unadvertised
mystery deals going on up on the dirty dirt roadways of the
out-of-the-ways away woodsly goodness?
ah well,
i just know those duders were feeling pretty envious
of my masterfully arranged log ends and layers.
i mean,
unless they were A*-holes.
in which case,
they can make like the haters they are,
and suckle it.
hard.
*
tomorrow is my littlest sister's berfday.
that's exciting.
mostly,
because it gives me a reason to bake a cake,
even if she won't be up here to eat it.
(that means more cake for me)
also,
my brother-in-law robert,
his baby mama sharon,
and their sons harlen and oakleigh
are all coming up to belatedly celebrate rob's berfday.
which is today.
another 'nother gathenn, kids.
and i'm always welcome.
you know it;
never quiet, never soft.....