ex'd out.

neighbors,
don't go getting all kinds of upset with me;
well,
unless you really want to-
i suppose i can live with your scorn,
your incredulity,
even your mistrust-
but i've got to tell the truth, because that's what i do:
i hate cats.
hard.
uh-huh.
they're my least favorite ones.
they rank right down there, below pandas and koalas and dolphins,
i assume it must be the progressive encroachment of a dominant strain
of werewolfen battle-beastly infinite nature.
i mean, what else could it be?
cats and dogs an' that.
i mean, i'm not super psyched on ever hearing about other peoples' animals.
that sh!t is just the most terrible ind of conversation-
but when it's cats?
ugh.
that's the worst, because they're the worst.
and before we go any further,
no,
i don't mean tigers or pumas or lions-
i don't plan on being in the bengal jungle, the sahara,
or any kind of territory-infringing hike,
so i'll most likely not bump into any of those big A*-holes-
but common housecats can all pretty much evaporate,
and with the exception of boring codependent people,
nothing will be any worse.
why?
why have i become so polarized to the presence of these feline F*faces?
what could've pushed me over the edge?
was it  atlas shrugged?
maayyybe.
no free lunches, no moochers, no looters,
no pleasure-seeking abusers.
nothing is any good without a purpose.....
and being cute is not a job.
you know the mantra, man-
stay ugly, stay dope.
cats aren't invited.
huh?
ohhhhhh, but they catch mice?
clean your pantry, and sweep your floor for crying out loud.
jeez.
for serious.
besides, mousetraps don't need shots, and don't take sh!ts,
and never pee on your rug. and definitely don't eat much...
and they're like, three for a dollar, or something.
but on the real,
i think it's just their pointless self-serving sense of entitlement,
and the caretaking craturds who provide places for them to abide,
that make me cringe at the mention of any and all cat stories.
gross.
it's a test of expertism for sure.
if you actually want to hear about your friend's cat who blah blah blah blah blah...
damn.
you very seriously need to checkup on whether or not you are an absolute A*-hole.
the odds are that you're a real jerk.
i mean it.
and what the holy mother-F* is up with vegans who love cats?
cats are the least vegan thing on earth.
i'm just sayin',
they're about as vegan friendly as i'm an astronaut,
and i'm not in a mylar jumpsuit on cape canaveral, kids.
there are no compassionate, considerate, conscious decisions coming out of a cat.
and they don't love you, or other living creatures,
in fact,
they'll kill the heck out of a songbird or a moth,
even after they've just eaten a beige hockey-puck of the foulest smelling
potted meat mush you've ever whiffed.
ew.
-
anyway,
there are whole other loooong litanies of why cats are awful,
but that's not the point.
the point is-
i've had a cat-face tattoo,
based off of a painting by james c christensen,
on my mutha-flippin' hand, for somewhere around fifteen years.
there is a story, but it's an old one, and not a good one,
so i'll skip ahead a bit.
whenever i'm talking noise about the relative uselessness of felines,
some clever d!ckturd will notice my hand tattoo,
and call shenanigans.
well,
i'm not that into rebuttals,
and especially not when it comes to well-reasoned arguments being
derailed by physical appearances rather than facts and figures.
therefore, i finally got around to correcting that sticking point.
mmmhmmmm.
one self-blasted blast-over, for maing my point a little louder, fresher, and harder.
check the only-cats-i-like-are-dead-ones-type teleport:

yeah!!!!
i mean, c'mon, y'all.
i can't have a whole other 'nother decade elapse with an accursed creature on my claw.
so,
now, i'm at full power.
no more jinxes,
no more retorts.
just werewolfen berserker fury,
and raging stormswept bestial warrior poetry.
X marks the spots,
and i'm feeling better about myself already.
funny how destroying something is usually such a marked improvement, huh?
that's a thing,
and that's how i'm living, left-handed compliments,
and backhanded tattoo self-effacing skin-defacing.
stay ugly, stay dope.
that's it;
never quiet, never soft.....