saturday night

ugh.
sometimes,
the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress is overwhelming.
it's empty and it's full,
and there's nothing and everything going on all at once.
there are rooms that are jam packed with the accumulated accoutrements
of experiences long since faded from sharp-focused memory;
empty rooms, in practice, but stuffed with stuff on purpose.
damn.
that's a lot to take in, when it's dark, cold, windy,
and i'm home alone,
hungry,
thinking, rethinking, and inevitably overthinking,
all the options and opportunities to act and interact,
and probably overact and overreact within these walls in the woodsly goodness.
y'get me?
there's always so much to do, and i usually end up doing nearly none of it.
yuck.
however,
i never ever ever let my dinner situation go unchecked, unchallenged, and uneaten
for two days in a row.
i spent friday in a fugue,
so saturday night had to get live.
i do my dirt all by my lonely, neighbors,
and when i'm left to indulge in a dinnertime fiesta for one?
i'm using ALL the pots and pans,
and i'm putting down some massive quantities of new hottness for sure.
there's plenty that needs to be done,
and most of it is a worthwhile investment in the future-
but what am i doing about it?
making a mess in my kitchen, obviously.
i might do dumb things, but they taste so smart.
check the none-of-the-above-type teleport:

mmmhmmm.
french lentils and garlic and caramelized shallots,
celery stalk, celery seeds,
caraway, sage, thyme, smoked salt,
nootch, g.p.o.p., black pepper, flax seeds,
egg replacer and a pinch or two of flour.....
pureed and pressed and made into rectangular patties.
pan-fried in butterish pats of earth balanced yellow-tinted fatness,
which is so delicious, kids, so don't let my description ruin anything.
i broke out the mandolin slicer,
and got expert on some superfine ultra-thinly-cut tomato discs,
and some uniformly luscious and professional fresh red onion rings,
AND some paper-thin cucumber-
i brined that in salty apple cider vinegar,
and let it soak up some freshly chopped dill leaf, too.
c'mon.
that's sharp pickle activation with the quickness, y'know?
yup!it's sittin' so pretty, though,
on that sexxxy soft french bread,
coated in that crawnchy everything seed style,
olive oiled up and toasted down on the grill.
i can't tell if i'm a food wizard or a mad scientist, sometimes.
what's more,
the mirror isn't helping me on the introspective soul-searching sojourn
i've embarked on, as a yet-to-be determined,
but decidedly determined duder,
questing across the kitchen for gruel and grail,
albeit by being cruel and unqualing,
without fear of failure,
but plenty of apprehension about far-reaching and long lasting success.
luckily,
even the best meal will always turn to sh!t,
and that's not alchemy so much as digestion.
damn.
hard styles abound, huh?
so,
what am i about, i wonder?
am i a not-quite barking mad bite-after-bite barbarian,
or a seasoned veteran of shamanic scalding skaldic sugar and spice seasoning?
a wizard of warrior poetry, summoning sandwiches from the aether?
a mad scientist, stitching together styles and flavors to reanimate my meals?
i dunno, guys.
maybe all of 'em, at the same time?
maybe i'm just a weird old dude in the mountains making food for myself?
EW.
that's not it.
like i just told you,
i'm lookin without to see within,
and the mirror is reflecting it all right back at me....
the only thing i can say for sure is-
if my eyes are any kind of window to my soul,
then it's a grade-a-extra-fancy maple-syrup-colored pit,
and it's really F*ing empty.
awwwwwwww.
don't be bummed, i'll fill it with food.
and eventually,
my outsides will more accurately match my inner workings.
huh?
if i've gotta be ugly, then i'm gonna be real dope.
rules is rules.
to that end-
i keep it gluttonous and gastronomically harmonious;
and i represented on three side orders of more and more and MORE.
that's what's up.
too much is the right amount.
and a triple spate of other other foods on my plate is just what i needed.
science and magic,
war and poetry,
activation and participation...
it's all really happening,
and there are no questions that can't be answered by eating more food.
i think that's a thing.
we've got answers.
like,
what are those black rectangles in the picture?
black-rice-flour-crusted superfirm tofu, seared up all crispy.
and those brussels sprouts?
mmmmmm.
deep fried.
uh-huh.
they're so soft, but still so green and good,
and they got glazed with agave and soy, and dusted with fresh racked black pepper.
expert!
so,
then, that salad must be poppin' too, right?
i'm not some first-time turd, friends.
there's shaved carrot, shredded red and green cabbage, thin radish slices,
and tangy watercress all tossed together with a scoople of vegenaise,.
and that's that crackin'-good slaw for your jaw.
i put it on the sandwich, too.
i mean,
how could i not?
i made enough for everybody,
but last night was more of a solo virtuoso performance.
...i still ate it all.
my eyes are open,
and my insides are full,
and my rooms are empty,
and the exact opposite of all of that is equally true;
never quiet, never soft.....