if you're gonna do it....

you'd better totally commit to doo-dooing that freaky sh!t.
mmmhmmm. it's hearts and lace and pink and red and white all over the place.
y'know why?
yeah!!
happy valentine's day, duders!
now,
it should be noted that some people are the one rose and a card type of gifters,
some others, maybe more of the chocolate and strawberries and champagne,
other other 'nothers might be the kinky lingerie, fuzzy handcuffs and cheap hotel folks....
that's all well and good,
because there's no wrong way to get freaky-diki,
provided you're committed to the path, and you stick to the plan.
that's real.
look, man.
i'm not implyin' there's only one right way to get it poppin' on valentine's day,
what i AM saying is:
there's only one way to get expert on valentine's day.
mmmhmmmm.
and that's to fit as much in, and fill as much up,
as there is time and money to do it-
yup.
flowers, candy, presents, breakfast, dinner, homemade cards,
AND a storebought jauns,
just to let mutha-'uckers know that romance is no joke,
and deserves twice as much hottness,
by virtue of lovey-dovey huggy-kissie-poo-poo being
the very best bonding experience that money can buy.
haha.
oh, c'mon.
take it easy.
it's not that the number of dollars you flop out is an accurate indicator
of your romantic heart,
it's more like the effort you DON'T make proves whether you're a d!ckturd or not.
right?
or is that too stern a position to take?
honestly, i rather thought it accurate, friends...
hey yo,
i'm sayin',
hard guys do have feelings too.
and hard styles don't limit them in any way.
so yeah, neighbors-
i catch the feels, and i know the rules-
too much is the right amount.

so,
i mean,
don't b!tch out with your weak diapery butt-batter, babies.
here at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress,
there's breakfast heart pancakes,
with our custom breakfast tea;
and there's presents, and presents, and maybe a few more presents;
and there's flowers;
and there's cards, with secret treats,
and sweet handstyle scripty messages of devotion an' that;
and there's even special treats for my little happy chappie, crabtree.
awwww.
huh?
what about candy?
what do you think i am?
an amateur?
an A*-hole?
don't be dumb.
of COURSE there's candy.
jeez.
and,
tonight,
there's a fancy dinner scheduled at a super-crackery white mountain white person inn.
word up.
the eagle mountain house is the business.
that's for serious.
i imagine we'll be the youngest (her more so than me) people there,
but i promise you this-
we'll eat the most, the hardest, the fastest,
and every bite, always, in the most extravagant way possible.
rules is rules, kids.
believe it.
i hope you're happy about today,
or at the least,
you find red and pink to be flattering shades against your skin tone.
i love the idea of true love,
i love the idea of to blathe,
i love today,
because today is love day,
and what's better than that?
wordimus prime, kids;
never quiet, never soft.....