SPORTS.

the superbowl.
*yawn*
i still didn't watch it.
i still don't care about clever commercials.
it's not my thing.
i mean,
sports are obviously the very best thing that ever happened ever....
.....if you're the most boring person in the world.
otherwise,
there's too much to do,
and not enough time to do it,
which means that watching that stuff, instead of doing more stuff,
is kind of like throwing away a big ol' span of time.
...and i can't hang out with that,
but,
i CAN hang out with the team spirit i associate with fat american sports 'tards
when i comes to getting fatter and even more gluttonous than ever before.
what?
no.
really.
i mean it.
i don't care about super sunday,
but i sure as heckfire give a holy sh!t about eating site-specific
situationally-appropriate holiday-themed overdoses of dopeness.
mmhmmm.
rules is rules,
and i'll eat my way through almost any occasion.
besides,
i always bet on chili chee' to win the trophy,
and i fix the game, and bribe the officials,
so that it always does.
neighbors,
check the sports-and-fans-and-sports-and-sports-type teleport:

WU-TANNNNG!
duders,
double bean burgers.
uh-huh.
small red beans, and pink beans.
why the similarly shaded set of protein farterizers?
well,
i mean,
i was already making two-bean chili, in a hurry,
after a crazy long, super-sh!tty sunday at the tatzap shack,
so i held half back for burgers,
and that burly blend,
in cooperative tandem attack with the chili,
made for contextual continuity across my palette
in a way i wouldn't have imagined was possible when i left for work in the morning.
that's the truth.
friends,
i've been feeling run-down and achy, ague-afflicted and stuffed up,
but,
only weak-sauce diaperbabies call the game because of illness,
and i'm not about to b!tch out on movie checks when there's work to do.
do you know about that?
or are you reppin' sick days like a health-conscious hypochondriac?
ha.
i muscled through the messy mountain of tattoo time,
and raced home,
late,
to boil up some chili,
stir up some chee' sauce,
and mash some mutha-'ucking beans into burgers.
what's in the chili?
beans, duh.
and onions, and bell and chili peppers, a ton of garlic,
too damned many spices, broth, diced tomatoes, and a blast of nootch.
what about the chee'?
soymilk, butters, flour, nootch, salt, turmeric, g.p.o.p,, paprika, a little mustard,
and apple cider vinegar for the extra point.
friends,
the chili was great, and spicy;
the chee' was thick, and a ton of turmeric turned it appropriately garish in color,
the caramelized onions were all sorts of sweet and limp and brown and perfect,
and underneath?
word up-
the secret purple cabbage and cilantro slaw, with it's hint of shredded carrot,
and the pat of vegenaise that smoothed it out,
just happend to pair up in precise balance with the firm, flax-seeded, cashew-pulpy,
twin-bean, garlicy, oniony, spicy burger patty-boombattie big action on top.
and not for nothin',
but chili chee' burgers need to rest heavy on some serious bun action.
that's why,
before i even started the prep for all the simmering sexXxiness,
i also, kneaded a batch of homemade triple-rise buns from scratch.
that's F*ing right.
y'know why?
because expert recognize expert,
and doing vegan sports foods, without ruining it with sports,
is pretty flippin' expert, for certain.
........wait.
are you wondering what's up with that cauliflower?
ampy-d made buffs. b!tches.
yuuup.
y'GOTTA crush some buffs on super sunday.
i'm almost positive that's a thing.
those buffalo baked florets were hot!
twice dipped, and fired up, with so much ho' sauce my lips are still tingling.
....and that guacamole?
c'mon.
it was realllllllly dang good.
y'gotta rep the guac, too.
for serious, it's not an all-ammerican pro-sports spread without guac!!
we're just doing our part to participate,
and contribute to the 8 million pounds produced yesterday.
that's a fact.
and what's more-
that stuff was already ready when i arrived,
which made a good thing even better!
chee' doused wafflers?
OBviously.
you won't find me hanging about with people.
but you might find me doing my own version of a thing.
i prefer it, and it's usually more meaningful, and tastier,
and totally removed a ways away from regular.
that's the way wlorthy warrior poets compose their paeans.
like pros,
like prose,
like posing for pictures of food...
it's all really happening;
never quiet, never soft.....