grumbles.

i think somebody laced my thai food.
i may finally be somebody worth assassinating.
it's a goal i've been working toward for years.
spicy vegetable drunken noodles, no tofu,
side order of poison?
i don't think we ordered THAT.
well, at the very least,
if it was not spiked with poison,
then it just made in the normal way.
that includes using some terrible southeast asian ju-ju
equivalent to iocane powder.
(they must've orderd it from australia.)
duders, i must've munched up a little bit on some
colorless, tasteless, terrible aquatic destruction.
as it so happens, i've discovered that i most likely have
an adult-onset dead ocean allergy.
y'know,
throat-closing, hot-eared, nausea-inducing itchy death.
it's not like i was sucking on shrimp,
lunching on lobster,
scarfing on scallops,
crunching on crabs,
or any other underwater fauna, either.
i wouldn't. i couldn't. i didn't.
it was trace elements, ninjas.
out to take me down.
normally,
our homeboy at the bangkok cafe, li,
hooks us up with some special order crucial eat'em'ups-
and he makes all of them jauns tofu family style.
that's not family style, but with tofu,
it's the style of the tofu family.
and i'm the head of the family.
no joke,
vegans and vegetarians from all over the town
order their treats like my family orders 'em.
no filthy furious fermented fish-weiner spicy poison awful sauce,
and no heinous ornithological ovum scrambles, either.
i guess nobody ever told the new cook.
i got some kind of hot fire lava death attack.
and all i could think about?
hot much hotter the fire would seem ,
when it would literally shoot out of my facehole,
if that four-star spicy devastation came back out through the 'in' door.
benadryl to the rescue, kids.
i went from a light-headed, breathless mess,
to a still-nauseous unobstructed-airway mess.
i thought the sith were immune to poison?
all that time,
and darth vader could've been defeated
just by getting a hug from admiral ackbar.
maybe that's really why he wheezed so much?
y'know, it could've been that he used
cod-liver laden a+d ointment to keep his bionic
iron lung bodysuit from chafing, right?
oh, the humanity.
***********
so i didn't die.
that's cool.
then again,
whatever's making it's way through my body
hasn't shown up again yet either,
so i still might.
since today could very well be my last day,
i'll be living it loud and hard.
sorry, busy saturday full of tatty-o clients,
but it looks like it's going to be another 'nother
knockdown dragout barbarian wallbanger.
this time, however,
no police will need to be involved.
i've already got guns, and authority,
and i'm taking it to eleven,
even on some less-than<5-type weak-sauce clientelle.
so it's gonna be a battle of wits, i guess.
to the death. of course.
i can clearly not choose the thai food in front of me,
but clearly, you would've known that,
so i cannot choose the thai food in front of YOU.
(i'm pretty sure they're both poisoned, kids)
inconceivable, yeah?
butt-hurt and gut-wrenching.
i doo-doo that freaky sh!t.
never quiet, never soft.....