tran-spotting.

tomorrow is the big day.
MY birthday.
the most important one, yeah?
i'll be celebrating with a piratey gimpin' pimp-limpin' walk.
why?
because the inestimable hottness of the very excellent mr. phuc tran
is getting administered to my thigh this evening.
i'm getting tatblasted.
hard.
yeah, i know,
how often does that happen?
it's not exactly easy...
not just anyone gets to put some zaps down on my business.
that's reserved for only the really-real really dope ones.
and so i'll be down in the old-dock stank of portland, maine, tonight,
at the perpetually, impenetrably sweet-scented tsunami tattoo,
enjoying the full-flavored freshness of phuc
and his incredibly awesome wife, sue.
they're nice folks, kids.
way nicer than you are, for sure.
i'm sure i'll get to lament my lack of luster,
at least compared to the effervescent optimism of those two.
the best part?
he's NOT using hand-poking pop-stabbers!
contrary to what you may have heard,
i hate, hate, HATE getting tattooed.
jigglystick tebori torture is not even any kind of option.
especially not on my side-ass.
one-and-a-half years in the making,
my thigh-meat lobster is getting a little color added today.
the original inspiration, my ninjas-
for, y'know,
my hands have teeth.
because they really do.
lopsided grabbers that they are, lobster claws are really flippin' dope.
i'll see you there.
thick lentil soup and homemade cornbread.
the sweet sweet hottness of a full belly.
duders,
when i tell you that a bowl of bangalicious legumes
is just what i needed to garner a gleeful
gastronomically astronomical good feeling,
you'd better 'ucking believe i flippin' mean it.
that jauns has little tater cubes in it too,
which serve to make it starchy and filling and heavy-duty dope.
add a square soup-scoopler made out of corn,
and it's pretty much the perfect doo-doo-butter-destroying,
doldrum-decimating, dolorous dirge-defying deliciousness you can get.
i, for one, feel better,
that's for sure.

holy smokes!!!
is that the zig-zag "tobacco" accessories man?
not very likely.
still,
i could maybe start a career as a real-time live-action spokesperson.
like the marlboro cowboy, only vaguely turkish instead.
right?
right.
seems like a perfect fit, since nearly everyone can agree:
i at least look like i have a left-handed hookah around here somewhere.
well ironic an' that.
***********

do ya'll know dean whipple?

i do.

he's a strong duder from the weak wastes of ct.

and, he's been spotted relaxing in the woodsly goodness.

i bumped into him at the grocery store,

and immediately got confused.

y'know,

like when something you know from somewhere else

is not where it's supposed to be.

we figured it out quickly, and tentative meet-ups were made-

maybe he'll hang out a little bit?

we'll see.

***********

anyway,

tonight's the night.

and tomorrow is definitely the day.

will there be cake?

it's too soon to tell;

never quiet, never soft.....