ohhh, very tasty.

...or do you take what's in the box?
i doo-doo take what's in there.
that's the new super bowl.
and it isn't even sunday, yet.
i had the lamest days off, ya'll.
spending loot on necessary goods doesn't make me glad.
the freeze on getting super-fancy unnecessaries?
doesn't make me glad, either.
but, i did get to be glad about having AAA.
the keys to the truck?
i had 'em on me.
i even used 'em on the big rig...
but they don't work on the locks, kids.
oh yeah, duders,
the locks just stay locked.
which meant that right after i bought a toilet,
and a flavorfully fresh bathroom light,
some extras, and some odds, and some extra ends,
i stared right at my dog, who stared right back,
and i couldn't get in the truck.
why did i lock the car doors?
i didn't.
but jess didn't want anyone to steal the dog.
like seventy pounds of semi-retarded hellacious pit bull
is first and foremost on anyone's to-do list at lowes.
sure thing.
i sat in the parking lot of the home improvement headquarters,
while my wife used the phone inside.
used the phone inside, huh?
yep.
cell phones?
c'mon.
i'm not having it.
so, after a little minute of waiting,
and another 'nother minute of jimmy-bar shimmy-shimmying,
we made it home,
and headed back out again,
to size up, select, and sort through
a crazy costly bevy of barbarian board feet.
i'm talking about how my living room looks like
an interpretive sculpture of president wilson:

that's a wood row, for sure.

floor, ceiling, walls, counters.

it's all right there.

i've got long wood, and wide wood,

and i've got short wood, thick wood,

and narrow wood;

come daybreak, my ninjas,

i'll even have morning wood.

it feels like my whole life is made out of trees.

there won't just be saws and such being used, either;

we're using blowtorches and sh!t to make magic.

that's correct, my blazing berserker buddies;

blowtorches.

how hot is the hottness now?

pretty flippin' hot, i'd say.

this all-consuming project may be on hold for a while, too.

special order speedy deliveries aren't being dropped off.

so i am a patient boy.

i wait, i wait, i wait.

i guess the little mexican coppersmiths

don't feel the need to rush my extra-luscious sink up here.

and without the sink,

i can't do the counter,

and without the counter,

i can't plumb the faucet,

which means no backsplash,

which means a hold on the walls.

ridiculous.

good thing i've got some double chocolate oatmeal rock blocks.

y'know.

rock blocks.

a.k.a the best cookies on earth,

and also also known as the most plentiful portion of dopeness

currently being digested in my bellyhole.

for every hour i wait,

i eat a cookie.

i'd better begin baking a bigger better batch.

what with the weekend waxing on the horizon,

and the united parcel service taking sats and suns off,

i'm gonna be a big fat F*n' pig come monday.

there's no such thing as empty calories,

just empty bathrooms;

never quiet, never soft.....