grinder.
hero.
sub.
are you really trying to tell me this?
if i put my tasty food treats in a long roll
instead of a square or circle of bread,
it gets a regionally specific name?
uh-uh.
no way, jose.
i don't buy it;
that's not a hoagie,
it's just a big guini.
look:
...see?
'man'-guinis to be sure,
but absolutely not subs.
more like sub-stitution of a lamer word than guini.
that's word.
and is that soysage and peppers, by the way?
you bet your A* it is.
deli-style, with tomato sauce, ninjas.
i needed some hard-syle help
after burning off the green elephantitis of the day prior.
i had huge ambitions for the day.
giant aspirations of immense accomplishments.
how'd i make out?
mostly,
i got blisters, cuts, and a sore neck.
doing what?
well,
i stained most of the oft-neglected,
as-yet-incomplete baby bottom bathroom.
that's no joke.
and i hooked up the lights in there.
i know god pulled that off on the first day,
but the pace is a little slower in the woodsly goodnes.
on the one hand,
i'm turbo-psyched about how incredible this little water-closet
is gonna look;
on the other hand,
every single part of this miniature nightmare takes extra work.
so it takes extra time...
and pre-stain has to sit and soak in for a while,
and the regular stain has to be applied within a specific window of time,
and watersealant has to be sanded between coats,
and the first coat can't even be applied until 24 hours have passed
since the final coat of stain has set and been buffed and wiped,
and then only two to four hours apart, for each additional coat,
but not more than two coats in a day,
with three coats as a minimum recommendation.
jeez, that's some straight-up no-fun bullsh!t!!
before i knew it,
it was dark out, cold out, and time for bed.
and it was wednesday.
that's dinner night.
for the second straight week in a row,
only my ninja jim was hungry enough to
make an appearance at the fortress.
and he brought information.
yessir, he showed me different summer-weight yarns.
it's true.
that's the kind of stuff that happens.
yarn, long-guinis, semi-stained, strained situations.
what can i tell you guys?
it's just not the same without my lady.
at all.
and it's not looking too good for much quality time, either.
at least not for the next trio of weeks.
kids, travel, work, tourist vacation sensations....
times get hectic, duders.
that's that real life business.
grown-up stuff an' that.
F-.
***********
...i suppose it had to happen.
all this springly sprightly bird seed feeding-
-the fields and forests are alive with feathery alightings.
as it turns out, for most practical purposes,
chipmunks and assorted birds all in one place
look just like a smorgasbord of small treats to predators.
no, not the pig-faced rubber-dreadheadlock aliens...
i'm talking about birds of prey.
y'know,
sharp eyes, sharper other parts,
the favorites of bikers and native americans.
yep.
they're here now, too.
yesterday,
a northern goshawk dive-bombed right past my head.
for serious, within five feet of my face,
tryin' to munch up a 'munk.
be easy,
he missed.
but,
today, a red-tailed terror has been circling up above,
biding his biting, tensing his talented talons an' that.
sooner or later, kids,
nature's infinite nature reminds us:
right here, inside of a year and a day,
is where the wild things are.
and they're hungry.
and wild.
and that's just the way things are.
real life. real real. and this is how it happens...
like the woodsly goodness's brutal barbarian balance
is taking time to let some other real ninjas know what time that is.
it's business time.
a little reminder of who's really in charge here.
take that, kind-hearted vegan caretakers.
you like watching those scampering scamps?
i'll bet.
keep fattening 'em up yeah?
oh MAN.
we're practically playing the part of the gingerbread-house witch,
all hansel and gretel,
complete with a trail of birdseed disappearing behind us.
dang.
nature wins, y'all;
never quiet, never soft.....
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