rabbit! rabbit!

it's that time of the month, mutha-uckas.
day one of a whole new month.
of a whole new quarter.
it's kind of a big deal.
i made sure that the cottontail coney cantrip
slipped out of my lips,
all secret syllables and triumph an' that.
i think there's a 30 day limit on the effectiveness
of that magic mantra...
and as such,
i may have used up march's luck a day early.
in fact,
i'm sure of it.
right, minnesota?
oh, yeah.
all's quiet on the midwestern front, kids.
the louderhorn inn is minus one scheduled guest.
the brown blop buffets are breathing a bit easier.
and the hottness is still just warming up.
the good news is:
i DIDN'T get arrested.
waitaminit,
what?
is this an april fool's prank?
nope.
i'm in northern new hampshire.
not minneapolis.
but like i said, there was good news.
***********
so,
what brings a ninja back before it even begins?
problems, y'all.
hard-style, ninja-bag, flip-the-F*-out problems.
my first flight?
cancelled.
when?
well, as some of you know already,
i don't like close at all to an airport.
the flight was cancelled once i was already
well on my way there.
and when i got to the airport,
bags all packed,
i.d. all set,
miles and hours of road behind me-
they gave me only two options:
come back the next day,
or take a refund and go away.
no alternate routes.
no connecting flights.
no solutions.
hell, no 'i'm sorry', either.
mechanical malfunctions was the reason.
the plane broke.
seriously.
some duder at the desk,
(not the s.w.b. 'assisting' me)
tried some creative problem solving,
going so far as to end up shouting back and forth with
the unhelpful, unfriendly, unintelligent goon
who was blankly staring past me,
telling me to politely get bent.
i'm not sure when it was,
exactly,
that i decided to take it to eleven.
but i did.
so hard.
do you guys have any idea how many different
kinds of security and police are at an airport?
me neither,
but i counted at least five different kinds of outfits
as they led me away.
hold on,
led me away?
heck yes.
but, hold on now;
we're getting ahead of ourselves.
i started out both disappointed and upset.
i mean,
it's not the turd-gremlin behind the desk's fault
that the plane is broken.
it IS her fault that she was speaking to me
without any manners, impatiently informing me,
as she put it 'for the fourth time, sir,'
it's not the airlines fault that we can't
actually assist you in any form whatsoever......
i graduated to frustrated as she sabotaged all efforts
from her coworkers to actually help in any small way.
but when the duder she was yelling at
got so bright red and flustered with her awfulness,
that i opted for the wrench.
it's like riding a bike, kids.
you never ever forget how.
(and to think that i forewarned her
when she asked 'what kind of people don't have cell phones',
that apeshi!t bananas berserker beast status
was in her immediate future)
irate is even better than irrational.
there's always a moment,
the top-o'-the-roller-coaster-moment,
when a warrior poet sees himself
from outside his own perspective-
it's that deep breath before the plunge;
the second-guessing split;
the last-chance to reconsider;
....as if that was ever even an option, duders.
c'mon.
i decided to go out like a lion,
and march into the end of march
like a bold and worthy mutha-flipper.
wooooooord.
***********
did i use the term 'stupid white b!tch?'
oh yes i did.
and that was just the tip of the iceberg.
oh MAN.
it turns out you can only get so crazy in line at the airport.
too bad,
because i hadn't really gotten loud and proud in a while,
and i was just getting warmed up....
lucky for me,
(and maybe the march madness did have a little juice left)
the duders who also hated his coworker
came outside to the police car,
and spoke with the troopers.
nice.
turns out,
we ALL agreed she's a s.w.b. (stupid white b!tch)
and so i was given the opportunity to leave.
of course,
that left a lot of unresolved travel issues up in the air.
at least something got airborne yesterday.
but,
given the alternatives,
i figure i'll wait until today to see how i can remedy
my unused ticket and reservations.......
vacation?
not hardly.
me and air travel go together
like prison rape and anal sutures.
they DO correlate,
but in a pretty horrible way.
great.
***********
so i'm here.
in the woodsly goodness.
still.
i'll be drawing,
and tattooing,
and preparing for my postponed trip.
which looks like it'll be a whole month away.
and i'll be hatin' on some dreadful folks.
and probably going to work.
and listening to dark dark dark.
of course,
being here is the same as wishing i'd stayed.
ouch.
real-life. documented.
this is my life.
hard. loud. crazy.
and totally worth it,
if only for the story.
true stories, told truly;
never quiet, never soft.....