thirty-eight special?

jeez.
happy berfday to me.
ugh.
today is the day.
thirty-eight years of steady sh!t-talkin' hot fire,
and lightning-striking viking viscous viciousness,
and savage stormswept raging gypsy battle-beastliness,
and berserker barbarian bard business,
and all those other adjective-laden objectives.....
all of that, and worthy warrior poetry in motion,
every day,
for thirty-flippin'-eight mutha-F*ing years,
in a row.
damn.
i'm tired just thinking about it.
good news, though, neighbors.....
i'm sticking to what i'm best at-
check the berfdays-was-the-worst-days-type teleport:

yup.
i made myself some treats,
because, y'know what?
i deserve 'em.
and who better to activate some expert bakery bits
than the bakingest bearded weirdie in the woodsly goodness.
right?
heck, yeah, that's right.
what are they?
white chocolate cupcakes,
with chocolate-chocolate hot-chocolate-infused
mocha coffee-extractivated pastry creme filling!
aaaaaand coffee frosting smothered and covered
with cookies-and-creme sprankles,
and a mocha goobieblpop of best-yet-creamy frosting on top.
uh-huh.
fancy.
that's just what happens when i'm up early
and feeling like maybe there's a little magic that needs casting.
y'heard?
wordimus prime.
there will be candles,
there will be singing,
there will be wishing-
it's all really happening, friends.
that's sorta the whole point.
***********
duders,
i crashed my car yesterday,
and that was GOOD news.
the alternative was sliding backwards off of a cliff
as the rainy day gave way to the iciest treachery
that ma nature could provide on short notice.
did i fall on the ice in my driveway?
hell, yeah.
was i soaking wet and throbbing before i even got in my car?
yuuuuuuuup.
did my brand-new car lose all traction on my own steep rural dirt road?
it sure did.
kids,
i had to do some fancy maneuvering,
and crash into a snow-and-ice-covered stone wall,
just to keep from killing myself.
now, isn't that expert?
sorta.
in a certain light, i sorta saved the day from being worse.
and yes,
i was wet;
and sore;
and frustrated beyond belief;
and scared (just a little itty-bitty bit);
but,
i wasn't upside down and impaled on a tree,
or on fire in a steel deathtrap.
so, really, i mostly emerge victorious.
i mean-
the car is fine,
i'm fine,
and a little haphazardous out-of-control mayhem is good for you.
isn't it?
seriously.
i felt young again...
...for the twenty seconds of slalom doomsday
careening and smashing at any rate.
and then it was slush and slogging,
tire-spinning sh!t-salad spraying,
and sucking hard balls trying to extricate my fresh automobile
out and away from the embankment.
nice.
a better fate than death awaits us anywhere,
and a berfday is certainly proof of that.
*
it's even colder than before,
and there's been a special delivery from the northwest, too.
hmmm?
what's the special treat?
oh,
you know-
a rotten, steady, severe, and pitiless wind.
big thanks for that, nature.
(is always winning bad sportsmanship?)
-
this is it.
i'm older,
and busted-er,
and broken-er than i've been in ages,
which includes my wallet as well as my knees.
there are only hard styles available today.
and cupcakes.
at least there's those cupcakes.
happy berfday to me;
never quiet, never soft.....