dumps.

lunar new year.
yeah.
neighbors,
i couldn't skip out on some sort of celebration.
so i produced some new activation as a variance on
some staid, tried and truly due-processed hottness.
what?
c'mon,
i did what needed doing, duders-
y'know?
word.
check the new-year new-moon new-style teleport:

that's right.
dumps,
on my face.
i got busy on the filling, too.
to make sure it wasn't just expert,
but also went to eleven.
i mean,
it has to get fresher than usual if it's for a celebration.
otherwise, how are we really fully truly appreciating the fresh start?
not with ordinary elite activation, that's for sure.
duders,
radishes are dope.
they're in there for spice and crunch and texture an' that.
smart.
minced carrots and celery and red onions,
and garlic and garlic and garlic,
and shredded baby brussels sprouts are all sauteed and
spread out inside the dumpty wrappy-wraps!
i know about flavor combining, kids.
ground mustard, hot sauce, rice wine vinegar,
ginger, g.p.o.p., black pepper....all of that.
it's the only way.
sesame seeds and agave nectar and sesame oil,
toasted and caramelized base for an amazing deglazing
by seitan and tempeh crumbles, stewed into super softness.
i'm telling you- it had to happen in a specific sequence-
simmered for a spell in liquid aminos and sushi vinegar,
with liquid smoke and spices, to make a complex vegan protein matrix.
yeah.
brown on brown business is what's up.
and i even freaked off my sauces a little this time, too.
all kinds of sauteed garlic,
red pepper,
oils, sugars, and secret spices.
don't worry, y'all, i had it all under control...
after all, i'm an expert.
***********
the wood horse.
i'm worried a little bit.
i mean,
the last wood horse i heard about F*ed up troy well properly.
subtle sneaky subterfuge?
no thanks.
let's hope this one is more straightforward and less duplicitous.
i guess we'll find out.
i prefer a brutal berserk barbarian battle-beastly full-frontal charge.
you know how i like it.
no nuance,
just hammering home the raging stormswept sh!ttiness.

i can say with certainty that the first day felt a whole lot like this:

ugh.
the date on the calendar, eastern or western, is irrelevant, friends.
every day,
in every way,
i follow a rigorous routine that remains constant no matter what-
stay ugly, stay dope.
that's it.
stinking smoke on my tongue,
for the first time in months and months;
with a soy sauce and sesame sriracha chaser?
my mouth tastes like my face looks.
.....horrible.
awwww, man.
it's all really happening,
one way or another;
never quiet, never soft.....