that's what i treated myself to last night.
uh-huh.
for realsies.
a platter of magic that dazzled and delighted my spoiled and cynical tastebuds
with new flavors and better textures than i'd had in, like, literally, hours.
ha.
that's a thing.
one ultimo-explosivo expert exxtra-elite extravaganza,
for one homely old hungry homebody hermit,
in labor-intensive comprehensive turbo-deluxe thematic hottness,
from the first to the last of it.
...and it didn't last long.
neighbors,
check the stacks-on-stacks-of-big-fat-attacks-type teleport:
i mean, c'mon.
and then, right after you c'mon,
then i'm gonna need you to C'MON...
on the ones,
if that doesn't do anything for you,
you are most certainly an A*-hole,
and that's no joke.
homemade fatbread flatbreads, leavened with vegan sour cream,
and seasoned with thyme and black pepper.
grilled up and puffed out, and put aside for a few seconds while the rest of it got ready.
duders,
that bread alone was a magnificent treat.
so when i hit up all the other other jauns,
my whole mind blew right out the back of my head!
yeah.
garlicky hummus spread heavy on the bottom,
to affix the lemon-kissed parsley-cilantro-scallion salad in place,
with pickles to pucker my puckerer,
and some sharp tongue-biting onion slices to fire up an inarticulate spiciness,
with raw veg and hard styles and so much mutha-licking flavor.
-
friends,
i made babaganoush.
yep.
one very slow roasted eggplant,
which, for those of you who are interested, was a fairly seedy female.
ha.
i mean it.
the bottom of eggplants determines the gender,
and the gender determines the relative number of seeds.
there's a post-flower butthole on every eggplant,
and if it's a roundie, that eggplant is a dude, and the seed count is molto low.
but,
if it's an oval, it's a lady,
and she's liklely got a TON of pithy petite potential babies in there.
ah, well.
-
i tuned it up, and peeled it post-roast,
and all-the-way activated it with a blop of tahini,
and a flash, splashy whole grove of lemon,
and exxxtra-virginal olive oil, and roasted cumin, and sumac, and cayenne,
with g.p.o.p., and a whole mess of crushed fresh garlic, salt, and black pepper,
and we have ourselves something worth eating up in huge gulps.
yup.
babaganoush on top, with another 'nother dusting of sumac,
expert.
then, because you know i needed that real-real,
there's a F*ing phenomenal lentil/lemon fritter in the middle.
holy sh!t.
smoked paprika, and cayenne, and crushed red pepper flakes,
and thyme, and coriander, and cilantro, and parsley, and grilled onion,
and garlic and garlic and garlic for days,
with a dash of ginger, and a dose of that roasty toasty cumin,
and a pinch of sumac, which goes SO great with the lemon in there,
all shallow-fried to a crispy-skinned sexxiness that defied all my wildest hopes,
and took them to uncharted levels of eleveniness.
that's word.
and as if that wasn't enough, i toasted sesame seeds,
and they got fried right into the crusty outer awesomeness
like armor-plated sprankles!
seriously,
i kind of took this one to a new realm of righteous Folk Lively freshness.
*
sumac-slappin' babanganoush on the side?
expert.
pepperoncinis and kalamatas, too?
expert.
hummus with MORE sesames?
ummmmm.
SIKE.
expert!!
mixed tomato salad on that green scenery?
i needed that, too.
why?
because too much is the right amount,
and if you aren't dominating your kitchen,
what the heck are you even here for?
and while we're on the topic of domination,
that ricey nicey-niceness is one hundred thousand percent the TRUTH.
real talk.
y'ever had mjeddrah before?
no?
then you might be effing up kind of hard.
it's dope.
like, really dope,
and you probably should get some, a.s.a.p.
in my version of the classic middle-eastern pilaf,
i used farro.
that's like, big burly barbarian cracked wheat,
and therefore, a mandatory addition to my b!tchin' kitchen business.
yep.
i doo-doo that.
with grilled onions, and lentils,
and long grain rice, with few spices, and a leafy green garnish,
it's a scorchy torch of light and joy that brought all the flavors together
in one harmonious choir of angelic jam-session juiciness,
and that's exactly what had to happen.
a lonely saturday night became a spoil yourself with toil-type endeavor into excellence.
haha.
i'm not even a little bit kidding.
this one was a lot of work,
but,
i think i deserve some heroic edible efforts,
don't you?
affirmative.
i am a complicated culinary communicator,
and i will eat my words, symbolically, with a dash of sumac.
this is What Is,
and i wouldn't have it otherwise;
never quiet, never soft.....
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