BLUEBERRY DISTRACTION

cake.
because nothing makes sense, but ovens and ingredients make cake.
yup.
if i can't communicate well,
or at all,
i can express myself with edible excellence.
nobody is listening, but my guts are soothed by the sweetness,
and that isn't worthless by any means.
check it:

FLUTED PANS, MAN!
a greased high-wall tart tin is a good idea.
and an oven roaring at 350℉ is a better one.
what's the plan for this tasty bit?
it's like this:
-
*
BLOOBCAKE!
-
cream together:
1 stick vegan butter (8 T);
3 T vegan creamchee';
1/2 tsp salt;
2 T tapioca flour;
1 tsp vanilla;
1 cup brown sugar;
2 tsp cinnamon....
mix well, then stir in:
1/2 cup vanilla non-dairy yogurt.
sift in:
2 1/4 cups king arthur all purpose flour;
2 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
3/4 cup non-dairy milk-
stir it all together and add the completely well-mixed batter to the tin.
-
next up, in that same now-empty bowl, stir up:
1 cup blueberries;
1 tsp vanilla;
3 T brown sugar;
2 T powdered sugar;
1/2 tsp cinnamon;
2 T vegan creamchee';
1/4 cup unsweetened flake coconut;
add that all over the top of the batter,
and bake it up for 40 minutes or more, until the center isn't a wet jiggly mess.
word?
word.
delicious, soft, fruity, hearty, warm, comforting.
mmmmmhmmmmm.
there's darkness all damned day lately.
it was twenty freaking fahrenheit degrees during my dog walk yesterday...
that's F*ing laaaaaame.
it's barely a third of the way into november and now we're just frozen?
WHACK.
***********
y'know what i want?
i wanna LIVE.
i'm not really doin' that as much as other stuff.
i'm working.
i'm surviving.
i'm most definitely enduring.
but,
i'm not improving and i'm not thriving and i think that's some genuine bullsh!t.
there's more to do than i can wrap my head around,
and all of it feels so overwhelmingly unrewarding that my motivation is less than zero.
broken house, broken back, broken heart, broken path.....
it's mosaic puzzlement with no picture on the box to decipher it with.
i guess i'm making up the answers as i go,
with full knowledge that they can't possibly be correct.
...and also, eating heroic cake.
the cake is proportionately good to the inverse that is everything else;
neverquietneversoft.....