GF PUMPKIN PIE

i don't even like pumpkin pie.
i never have,
and now, for sure, i'm even less into it.
i made a gluten-free vegan pumpkin pie,
from scratch.
i got up extra earlier than usual, and the usual is pretty dang early.
my oven still sucks, but it works.
that might be symbolism for a lot of my life,
but also, it's very irritating when it takes half a year for the box to get hot.
maybe i'm getting myself an oven for christmas?
ANYway,
i thought it'd be a kind thanksgiving gesture to make a little
gluten-free treat and bring it along to share and enjoy.
i even made brown sugar gingersnaps without wheat, too.
yeah, i did.

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i could've skipped it.
that's all i'm saying.
instead, i've got a whole pie and dozens of cookies i don't want all to myself.
yeah.
i mean, as far as pumpkin pie goes, all the flavors are right there-
pumpkin, molasses, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, allspice, cloves,
with a touch of vanilla......
it's not BAD tasting.
in fact,
i'd bet it's one of the best damned gluten-free crusts i've ever made-
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GF CRUST!
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6 T vegan butter;
1 1/2 cups gf oats;
3 T brown sugar;
1/2 tsp cinnamon;
3 T powdered sugar;
1/3 cup almond meal;
an eyeballed shake of unsweetened coconut;
3 T of bob's 1:1 gf flour;
a dash of salt;
a splash of vanilla;
and a few spoonfuls of nondairy milk to give it some stick'em.
all pulsed in the food processor to a crOmbly cookieish consistency.
i formed it in a greased pie tin, then baked it for 11 minutes at 375℉.
and that's what that is.
expert.
*
the filling?
well,
that was something else entirely-
in the same food processor, i pureed:
1 15 oz can pumpkin;
2 tsp vanilla;
1/4 cup tapioca starch;
1 T non-GMO cornstarch;
1/4 cup molasses;
3 T brown sugar;
1/2 block exxxtra-firm tofu;
3 T non-dairy s'milk;
2 tsp cinnamon;
1 tsp ginger;
1/2 tsp nutmeg and allspice;
a heavy shake of cloves and a lil dash of salt.
when that was pulped and punished enough to get thick, smooth,
and puddingy,
i spooned it into the crust, and baked it in that same lazy oven until it got a few cracks in it.
like, 30 minutes?
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it's firmer than a normal pie, and i prefer that.
it's the baby-doo-doo-goobieblop consistency that i like least about pumpkin pie.
this fixed that.
...
and then i put those cookie garnishes on the hot top so they'd sink in a little while it cooled.
yup.
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and when you need cookies that do something special,
y'gotta make special cookies.
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*
GF SNAPZ!
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1/2 stick (4 T) vegan butter;
dash of salt;
1 tsp vanilla;
1/2 cup brown sugar;
1 tsp ginger;
1/4 tsp cinnamon;
1/3 cup bob's all-purpose gf flour;
1/3 cup bob's 1:1 gf flour;
1/3 cup mama's almond meal blend;
1 -2 T non dairy s'milk,
all mashed up to a smooth cookie dough,
refrigerated an hour, rolled, cut and baked for 11 minutes.
...and with a little bit of planning,before you know it- that's cookies.
i have a whole lot of them,
even though i cookie-monster face-smashed stress-ate a ton right off the jump.
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a la mode, with whipped coconut creme, is how i prefer mine.
warm or room temperature or cold, it makes no difference.
it's not my favorite, so it doesn't get better according to temperature.
hmmm?
did i make cinnamon supercreme frosting too?
i did.
too much is the right amount.
i added all the little details to the thing.
that's what i do.
listen, motherF*ers-
radical vegan treats is my LOVE LANGUAGE.
do you understand?
i don't think you do.
self-care is great food, as far as my needs go.
true romance is making sh!t i don't like,
the way i do,
for the person i DO like.
as i said up at the top-
i don't even like it.
and now, it just seems like i'm an idiot.
i baked a pie for a girl to impress her,
but all she really wanted was for me to think differently than i do.
damn.
that's a pretty big gap in expectation vs reality.
ugh.
i am sad about it.
in fact, i'm sad most of the time.
truthfully,
i haven't had a day where i wasn't sad for at least some of the time in a long time.
depression is being sad in an undefinable melancholic way.
i'm sad about actual events.
it isn't depression.
it's a series of uncomfortable, unfortunate, inescapable circumstances. 
and all the P.M.A. on earth can't make believe that good is actually something else.
y'know?
because good is good, and bad is everything else.
wishful thinking and pie aren't the way to fix that.
but i'm pretty sure time and money are.
*
the older i get, the more i see a path in front of me that looks more like a straight jacket
than a straight upward trajectory.
the long and winding road, the path to success, the road less traveled....
that all sounds cool,
until you're on seventy miles of long winding road to nowhere,
making less money, and having less time.
my heart is there, my life is here, and they'll both break wherever i go.
at least i've got an acre of pumpkin pie i don't want to eat.
i'm scooping it up with cookies.
two birds, one cup, or whatever the saying is;
never quiet, never soft.....