RABBIT!!! RABBBBBITTT!!!!

i said the words.
i didn't sleep, not one little teeny wink, let alone a full forty-
but i said it over ad over as i rolled in and out of coherent consciousness.
hmm?
yeah.
i got sick.
like sick sick.
and i was shivering and sweating and shaking and i think i did about a billion crunches
by accident with all the over and over convulsions.
was my face in a permanent overnight rictus?
it was.
but did i cultivate coincidence like a champion,
because rules is rules?
man, c'mon. don't be dumb.
you know i said the thing-
rabbit! rabbit!
was i sick for all saints day anyway?
i was.
like, rescheduled an appointment and everything.
that happens so rarely, i almost didn't believe it.
but, sitting wide awake and feeling awful and wondering
what the F* was wrong was what was actually happening ALL day long;
and i was a billion degrees, and then, alternately, a negative billion degrees.
which is to say, i was sick.
and for whatever reason, i wasn't ready to deal with it well, or at all.
however,
i still did the thing i do.
again: rules is rules.
yup.
cinnamon buns.
look:

i made 'em, man, because i had to.
here's the recipe.
word up.
but, really, what is wrong with me?
i should've been trying to sleep.
instead i was huddled in front of the oven trying not to freeze to death,
even though the house was fully seventy degrees,
watching the buns get brown.
i had one or two, but my tastebuds were sick, too.
so nothing tasted right, and i skipped lunch and dinner and sat on the couch in despair.
...yeah.
-
so now it's NO-thank-you-vember.
october raced by in a flash, and it was really some kind of experience.
you know i love hallowe'en.
breezy loves hallowe'en.
the kids love hallowe'en.
we ALL love hallowe'en.....
so all month long we worked towards hallowe'en.
now, it's just grey skies and no leaves and cold temperatures,
and in just one more day, we time travel into the past, too.
yup.
the clocks turn back time, but not nearly far enough to make any difference, really.
and if we can't undo the past, we gotta do something about the future.
i'm at about 50% right now, up from 10% functionality yesterday,
and what i need is to get back on track.
november is when i have traditionally made all the worst decisions.
not this time, though.
let's do something different.
okay?
okay.
the last ten years have been a real mother-F*er,
from the first day of november a decade ago to yesterday's breakdown.
but today is all souls, bro.
the day of the dead.
so let's let the past lay itself to rest,
and focus on all these small kids and brighter futures;
never quiet, never soft.....