uh-huh.
i'm trying something new.
instead of burying my feelings under a mountain range of sweets and treats,
i'm having avocado toast,
or sometimes just toast,
for breakfast,
and a F*ing salad for dinner.
i mean it.
dudes,
a couple of boca burgers, a head of broccoli,
and a bucket of green leaves with onions and carrots and tomatoes and cukes?
s'healthy!!
s'borrrrrrrring.
also, i'm SO hungry all the time.
but,
i want to run through the full gambit of hard styles and long nights
and heavy hearts and hurt feelings without also blarpin' out.
and all i want is pizza every single day.
that breakfast though.
that's some good stuff.
check it:
fire roasted tomato sprankles.
sesame seed sprankles.
sriracha flakes.
pink salt.
black pepper.
cilantro sprankles.
scallion sprankles.
tomatoes.
plus my favorite colorful mashed magic,
and that expert sourdough.
*
i F*ing HATE NOvember.
and i always have,
and i probably always will.
unless something impossibly, implausibly incredible happens
where i can then associate that with this heap of sh!t of a month,
i'm anti-NOvember forever.
until last year,
thanksgiving was the number one best thing going at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
i'm talking eight consecutive years of radical, incredible vegan gratitude and generosity
tucked up in amongst the woodsly goodness of these northern mountains.
but last year, my dad died, so my ma was alone,
and i went down to share the time with her.
that was the right thing to do.
and also,
my kids were NOT coming up here for the first time in fifteen years-
the oldest was back from college and spanning time catching up with friends.....
and also, i suspect they were kind of protesting the inclusion of new children in my life
(little did they know they'd be learning about lilli after dessert or whatever)
and all of our family up here was having a non-vegan thanksgiving,
because they're not vegan, and that's their tradition, obvi.....
the thing is,
i've had twenty two consecutive vegan thanksgivings so far.
and i'd call that a hell of a streak, and a winning tradition as well.
i would have a impossible time feeling grateful looking at a pink pig's ass
or a bird with bread up it's body cavity.....
it very literally makes me feel like i will vomit every single time.
i'm not sorry about that,
but i am sorry that it's forever going to be a problem.
it's hard to go backwards to dead bodies when you've been protected
from that nauseating and uncomfortable scene for decades.
that's just what it is.
so all of it was separate,
and i suspect that it always will be.
i hate it,
and i hate november,
and i hate that there's no scenario where i don't have to pick a side or be all alone.
i'm gonna let you in on a little fun fact-
i will choose to be all alone.
that makes more sense, if being with people feels so heavy and hurtful.
and really, i pretty much already am, anyway-
-
just to recap:
work is always slow in november.
the days are short and dark and grey and cold and ugly.
food is forever an issue between me and all my people.
having separate families who don't/can't/won't interact is an issue.
the distance between any and all of us is awful.
this dog makes travel a nuisance,
because i have to impose him on whomever i visit.
none of it is any good.
i don't want to dwell on all the downsides,
but i can't see the sky for all the darkness lingering above me, literally.
although,
to be fair,
i did tattoo a lady's name on some guy's F*ING FACE yesterday.
and that's something to think about, for sure;
never quiet, never soft.....
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