downtown downpour.

what makes the city even sh!ttier?
rain.
instead of washing away the worst of the
filthy film of urban undesirability,
it always seems to somehow activate the latent lank,
dank, dingy doo-doo buttery weak-sauce.
it's like box mix vs. homemade dopeness:
conciously crafted creations vs. sh!t-instant suckiness.
y'know-
just add water.
c'mon.
and a warm october evening of eating the hottness
gets doused down to dolorous dampness
pretty flippin' quick under the droplets of city-slickery
that start falling out of the sky.
uh-huh.
that's right, neighbors,
we hit up the green elephant for portland restaurant week.
mass quantities were consumed.
after all,
more is better than not enough,
and too much is exactly the right amount.
*
what y'all may not know about, though,
is the dearth of edible options in the afternoon.
no jokes.
if you're hungry at 3p.m. in portland,
you can pretty much go F* yourself.
the whole city closes after lunch.
the WHOLE place.
that's a real thing.
sorry, bellyholes,
but your gonna have to wait until 5p.m.
and what makes it worse?
the wind is always mutha-b!tchin' blowing.
sea breezes or some similar oceanic seasick suckiness.
and, of course,
there's no tasty food smells wafting in with those winds.
there's no food cooking, after all-
no answers blowin',
no war, no change,
just dead sea creature rot,
and exhaust from all the buses and cars.
carbon-petrol haddock a la' decaying carcass-dock.
butt-nasty like a mo-fo, yo.
and that's for really real.
on the ones.
***********
our phone is dead.
it has been for two days.
rainy storms kicked it's A*,
and so we're keeping it molto ninja.
not that anyone EVER calls us, anyway,
but we're pretending the phone hasn't rung
because of the short circuits,
and not because our friends are too busy.
yeah, i'm sure the hotline'd be ringing off the
mutha-lickin' hook right now if it was juiced up.
i mean,
doesn't every single one of you need a little
teensy tiny bit of belligerent berserker barbarian battle beast
in your lives?
oh, wait.
you can just read this.
only,
it's not quite as loud, or hard,
and certainly not as fresh
as the real thing.
plus,
i'm congested to high hell, too.
y'all ninjas are missin' out.
mountain man magic, my duders;
never quiet, never soft.....