foolish.

all april, all fool, all the time.
duders,
it's done for and so are we.
another 'nother month,
another 'nother calendar page,
and this time,
with almost nothing to show for it.
i mean, sure,
there were some awesome times that were had,
but in the end,
it's finished.
now i'm home all by my lonesome in a vacant and cavernous castle.
yeah.
april fooled me into thinking that maybe things were looking up,
but instead,
we're headed back down.
plot-twists of  momentum-gathering widening spiral gyres, guys.
that's how we're sending this one into the annals.
great.
however,
i'm not gonna plunge into the icy abyss of despair just yet.
there's lots of life left in this place,
even if it's all pretty flippin' horrible at comeptent communication.
yeah.
check the greenified re-pottery and root-ball-activated teleport:

new pots for weird trees and vines?
indeed, neighbors.
i love that there's so much room for expansion inside the sunny rooms
and seasonal site-specific vitamin D nourishing nooks of this place.
and my piney princess virginia finally got her sweet new
norFolk Life-type luxury apartment jauns engaged:

it's way bigger and way better and hopefully worthy of her honorary
XI-mas tree status as a part of our traditions here in the woodsly goodness.
deep and dirty for the taproot, and wide-rimmed for the future, friends.
i care about making sure that my air and atmosphere, in every sense, are expert.
what i have control over, i exert control over, in soft-palmed hammerfists;
each and every opportunity i seize, i try to dominate like a lord and master
of really real intentional active participatory power and sincerity.
it's harder than it looks.
but,
some things merit the labor of love that creates them.
strangely,
love seems to not be one of them.
awwwwwww.
*
there are always more orchids.
i don't really know why,
but it's become a sort of a thing.
teleport:

they're so pretty, i can't even kind of help myself.
surrounded by beauty, by myself;
beholder and eyesore all at once.
*
guess where i'm sleeping tonight?
yuuuuuuuuuuuuuup.
on a mutha-sh!tting hammock, y'all.
check the nature-style sunroom sleepover party-time hottness:

getting rad may be the only way to say goodbye to today.
there's magic mouthfuls of hopeful lucky words just waiting behind my lips,
preparing themselves to be spouted and shouted out loud later-
i'd like to swing my rope-burned back into mayday with a semi-levitated
suspended pronunciation, like a bag of magic beans awaiting giants.
it's unbelievably unlikely,
but it won't hurt one bit to hold my breath awaiting improbable outcomes.
i'm just hanging around, kids.
april's personal fool, a courtly jester,
courting an empty bed with wooing and cooing,
as affably laughable as ever before.
goodbye, april,
i won't miss you.
..........at all;
never quiet, never soft.....

dirty and greasy.

duders,
sometimes,
when you haven't seen your homies in a hot second,
you rely on the tried and true elite hamden warriors to come through
and deliver where the others just can't...
that's real.
the cucch is here.
my bestest one in the whole wide world always makes it better,
because he's a helping handful of supreme sharky gluttonous goodness.
so,
when my main mango is repping fully-effective interactivity
and staying in the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress with me for a little minute,
we take the super fresh dinnertime activation all the way to eleven.
no jokes,
i'm super proud of this one, y'all.
check the deep south teleport:

yeah!!
neighbors,
chick'n & waffles for your face.
fake-type beige poultry-inspired protein,
deep fried with doo-doo buttery blops of batter,
which was seasoned like straight-up sparkle-magical smoky-sweet
paprikafied alabamalama lusciousness!
uh-huh.
we're pretty smart about getting real rad on some flavorful new hottness.
plus,
we added nutrients with some leafy jauns, for fiber an' things...
just sayin',
kale is good for you because it's green or some sh!t;
but especially because it's even more extra-dope
with garlic and shallots and olive oil (yeah, more oil, y'all).
and it tastes great sandwiched between those greasy fried slabs of delicious,
nestled on top of a crispy, corn-meal injected, maple-infused double buttery
atlanta-type filthy mutha-F*ing waffle, ninjas.
then, if you're not an A*-hole,
you slather a sloppy spoonful or two of homemade homestyle gravy
all up and over all of it all night long.
a from-scratch big batch of crackin' black peppery, sagey-and-thymey,
roux rockin' thick and sexy tan sauce, son!
yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup.
expert.
i powered through three platefuls of this puissant palate-pleaser,
and barely even considered hating myself for it.
yeah.
how can feeding my soul be bad,
even as it clouds my mind with grease-trapping?
soul food, ninjas.
oil-soaked and butter-topped and fat-bombed into the future.
word up.
good food becomes great food if enjoyed with worthy warrior brothers-in-arms.
recognize,
my side-by-side soldierly comrades make my mealtimes matter a little more.
a side order of real talk, and some really real life, to go,
will always round out an all-the-way-live saturday night.
***********
sundays are a hard style, kids.
nothing good ever happens when you're working
while the whole rest of the world takes a break.
it means i'm tattooing instead of being outside on this beautiful day, too.
awwwwwwwwwwww, man.
movie checks are never bad.
a grand don't come for free, kids;
never quiet, never soft.....

bulge.

nature wins, neighbors.
my rhododendron bonsai is ready to bust out and freak it off
with an afro of purple flowers all over it's tippy-top branchy bits.
i'm psyched.
container gardening is completely expert,
especially when it works like it's supposed to.
check these buds before they burst:

nice.
and that's not all that's poppin' in the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress, y'all.
the indoor dwarf peach tree has babies starting to sprout from her stamens.
check the fruit-swelling sexy time immaculate pregnancy teleport:

that's super dope, duders.
i mean it.
look again:

c'mon.
indoor fruits, kids.
we're fancy up here in the woodsly goodness.
and by we, i mean me, obviously.
i'm basically always all by myself in this great big burly bastion of barbarism
and horticultural botanic berserker business an' that..
awwwwwwwwwww.
huh?
oh, it's cool, you minky bleeding hearts;
you don't need to worry...
it's not like it's a new thing, after all.
ugh.
now,
back to the big action of sheltered self-pollinators-
i just need an apple tree or two to doo-doo the same sh!t with.
imagine it, ninjas-
pies from apples i grew myself inside the Fortress?!
supreme expertism.
in the meantime,
i'm training a very small flowering cherry sapling to get bonsai like a boss,
but it'll be a few more seasons before it's ready for the shallow pot promotion.
nature is exploding here,
weeks behind everywhere else,
but better than ever for the delay.
i'm watering sh!t,
and making it rain up in here;
but with a big sloshing can of hydrogen dioxide, folks.
take it easy.
another saturday where i span time doing responsible chores
and nurturing semi-rewarding adult activities that involve just me
and a bunch of living non-reciprocating oxygen exhaling green leafies.
i don't get it either,
but i've got it going on.
today is the day,
and all of this is really happening.
root balls and nutrient siphons and aphid spray and fertilizers.
pure sh!t, but in a good way;
never quiet, never soft.....

werewolf.

a pink full moon AND a lunar eclipse?!
neighbors,
if you aren't stark naked and raving mad by moonlight tonight
you might very well be a complete A*-hole.
no foolin'.
pinky skylights and wolfen howlerizing and berserker barbarian
battle-beast nature and long nights and hard styles.
that's what's up.
i feel my skin crawling with lunar infusion,
and you know it's good when the moon is out in the morning, too.
yeah.
it's gonna be a shapeshifting shit-salad onslaught of savage stormswept
raging gypsy-accursed tooth-bite snarling until sun-up tomorrow.
that's a thing.
i hope you're ready.
if you see a loping longarmed lawless lycanthropic laughing hyena hybrid
i hope you've got some silver handy,
and hopefully in the form of bullets, not dollars.
you can use your fancy dinnerware if you've got to,
but i'm not really trying to get forked-up on a midnight mayhem run.
that's right, duders.
i'm coming over.
running in the pink and blue shadows of a chilly orbital lightbeam,
and i'm headed right for you.
**********
i found a mummified baby mouse in my garage.
yes.
i did.
it's so dope, friends.
for serious.
check the 'only-taking-nap-but-forever'-type teleport:

c'mon.
even cuter than the cutest.
...and he's only like an inch long.
am i keeping him?
don't be a stoopidhead.
of course i am.
and you know i need a special glass case for this little guy, right?
mummies are becoming my thing, folks.
he'll have to live next to the foot, for sure!
gross.
but,
then again,
how often do we get really get chances like this to have oddities and curiosities?
the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress provides for it's rightful worthy lord and master.
thanks, haunted house.
just sayin'-
i'm listening to opportunity,
and i hear her knocking.
-
it's open.
come on in.
take off your shoes and stay awhile, baby.
...
haha.
*
full moons, and empty skins.
there are hollows everywhere i look except the sky,
and even that big cheesy circle is gonna disappear tonight for a bit,
leaving a black hole in place for a time.
everything good empties out and disappears sometimes.
yeah.
it's all really happening,
and i guess there's a point to that;
never quiet, never soft.....

i don't do food cake.

what's worse than food bread?
food cake.
i thought about baking a carrot cake, kids.
i really did.
and then i remembered that carrots are for food,
not dessert.
so i used dessert-vegetation-specificity,
and put apples to work in my kitchen instead.
uh-huh.
i even employed some vegan cream chee' frosting activation.
first attempt-type jauns, and i'll be brutally honest about my stab at it-
i dominated it into submission and took the smootherized taste to eleven.
c'mon.
i know how to doo-doo that imitation dairy sh!t, duders.
and,
because i'm SO expert at overdoing it,
i also put whole cooked cinnamon apples in the batter,
and underneath the batter, like filling,
on top of a cinnamon oatmeal graham cookie.
this multi-layer sh!t is kind of my thing these days.
wanna see it?
just look at it, via teleport:

yeah!
every layer has cinnamon in it, son!
that's important because cinnamon has antioxidants,
and i am pro-antioxidant.
what do you think?
should i quit my job and become a vegan baker?
i mean,
who doesn't like being poor all the time?
it could be a bold new adventure in plummeting to the bottom of the barrel.
think about it-
vegan treats in the woodsly goodness?
the perfect plan......
...for being that weirdie who comes undone through idealist naivety.
haha.
i'm sort of too smart for that,
or at least too shallow and materialistic.
ugh.
so i suppose it's still sh!tty tattbombing for now for me.
awwwwwwwwwwww, man.
some wrenches are even heavier when you don't lift 'em.
**********
it's also flippy-floppy season,
and once i slide  that thin strip of fabric on the plastic slab-soles
of open-air beachfoot thongs between 'went to market' and 'stayed home',
it's time for something else as well.
yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup.
copper pennies for toes, my ninjas.
teleport:

bulletproof glitterballs from now until autumn.
recognize,
i get rad on my giant whammers, y'all.
you like it.
*
fancy feet and sweet treats and a clean garage.
yep.
i cleaned something big.
and it took forever.
but now it looks so dope.
hard work is it's own reward.
a clean garage is runner-up.
i'm making small gains in the face of big losses.
there's the same amount of stuff in there,
but the organized emptiness looks so much more impressive.
that's real life;
never quiet, never soft.....

bigger bowls.

sometimes,
there's so many ingredients in one place,
the only real way to get 'em poppin' out and going off
is to find a bigger bowl.
uh-huh.
lucky for me,
hefty hand-thrown pottery is in abundance over here;
we're well stocked with sexy stoneware in the creaky cupboards
of the Folk Life and Liberty Fortress.
word up.
so,
when a seriously shark-gluttonous storm of self-destructive dinnertime
mayhem is threatening to overflow onto the table?
yuuuuuuup.
you just need a bigger bowl.
check the twice-as-big cauldron of clay-type teleport:

yeah!
a foot in diameter, my ninjas.
twelve inches takes fatbelly brutality to eleven.
recognize-
noodoo bowl was in full effect last night, neighbors.
red, orange, and yellow peppers;
shiitake, oyster, and portobello mushrooms;
celery, carrots, shallots, scallions, fresh basil leaves, and garlic;
mirin-seasoned molasses-sweetened sesame-oiled orange ginger tofu;
extra-big ropes of glutinous ramen noodles;
bok choy, bean sprouts, green cauliflower, and half-mini-mandarines!
...duders,
so much sh!t it wouldn't even fit in anything less than a cavernous crockery.
and that's no jokes.
don't even front like that's not a s'chuan vat of vitality.
you know it is and you know you like it.
we keep it expert when it's time to overdo it.
in fact,
it might be the only thing we keep consistent.
too much of everything,
even the bad things.
that's pretty much the way it has to be.
***********
wednesdays are weird, kids.
for serious.
i mean,
it's hump day for regular folks.
and wotan's day for warrior poets.
no humping for us, y'know?
awwwwwwww, man!
that's a hard style, all that lack of hard pounding.
ah, well,
the trade-off is an overabundance of wisdom.
and being a wiseass is better than getting some A*.
or is it?
i don't even know.
but,
i'm hoping that it will be.
today is the day, and it's the last day off i've got this week.
i'll make it count for something, for sure.
wiseacre cracking and responsible adult chores an' that-
experiences aren't always positive,
but the negative ones make more of a difference in who we become.
real talk;
never quiet, never soft.....

earth friendly.

duders,
i really like being an earthling.
at least, compared to the total number of other planets
that i've intrepidly explored, industriously pioneered, and/or inhabited.
yep.
earth is my favorite one, by default.
so,
on earth day,
i needed to get a little loveliness underway as a show of appreciation.
you know it, neighbors.
i stuck out my green thumb,
and started packing dirt into pots all over the place.
that's real.
i get the super-nice ones,
and i put super-nice ones in 'em.
double-super-nice?
yes, kids.
i'm only interested in doing things more beautifully.
fancy big leaf mini-orchids?
yeah!
teleport:

isn't she pretty?
i know.
and i got some dark-corner-type jauns too.
check the celebratory rootball activational teleport:

i don't know what this is called,
but i know it looks dope, grows fast, and lives in a super-sexy concrete pot.
low light plants are a must for the chambers of the Fortress that see little sunshine.
(i GOT they)
oxygenated airways get activated in even the shadiest spots, y'all.
breathe easier, friends-
i've got the plant situation covered.
i know you were worried, but you can take it easy, starting now.
you're welcome.
*
bonsai?
of course!
what do you mutha-lickers know about rhododendrons?
not much, huh?
well,
all you really need to know is that i snipped and clipped and dipped this one
into this expert shallow ceramic circle,
and hit it with that new hottness that makes it look especially rad:

yuuuuuuuuup.
that little F*er blooms, too.
flowers are on the schedule for magic bonsai-bowl participation.
am i excited?
duh.
of course i am.
if you aren't,
you might be an A*-hole.
just sayin'.
ultimately, it's your call.
*
earth day, kids,
also means that too many is just flipping right.
so if i rep earth day like a really real worthy warrior,
then there's no way i could be DONE doo-dooing that freaky gardener sh!t, right?
i said- rrrrright?
huh?
you don't believe me?
then shame on you, stoopidhead.
and you should also check yourself,
and the starship troopers space alien cactus monster teleport, too:

c'mon!
fancy pots and fancier spears of green leafy shards of skin-shredding spikes?
uh-huh.
we activate that sort of magic chlorophyll danger-zone business over here.
as far as i'm concerned, this one is especially elite.
look down on it from up on high:

so good.
concentric swords of sharp slicing slivers.
i'm 'bout it.
in fact,
i had my eye on this massive mama-jama for almost a month.
somehow,
i fought off my initial instincts of obsessive possession and collection for a bit.
but,
eventually, the definitive infinite wears down the very best of intentions,
and time yields itself to the victorious circles of eternal spirit.
yeah.
nature wins.
...and so do i,
because now i've got this sexy ninja in my bedroom.
*
spider plants are the only spiders i can hang out with.
now,
at any given time, i've got a countertop full of glasses and jars,
topped off with water,
and with a spider-baby sproutling sprog in each,
taking root in it's own personal bath of liquid nutrients.
eventually,
when the thin white veiny feelers fill out enough from the main body,
they get plopped inside their own dirty homes.
(i re-use all the pots i get from the plants i adopt, duders)

yesterday was the big day for some of those little guys!
they may become gifts for my peoples,
or they may become part of the horticultural landscape inside these halls.
it's too soon to tell, and it's not worth speculating on, either.
it's all really happening,
with little to no advance notice.
a berserker blitzkrieg of lightning-strike barbarian raiding is how each day unfolds.
every undone crease never ceases to surprise me.
i'm finding out what comes next in the immediate instant it shows up.
the big revealing debut is as much news to me as to everyone else.
it's a wild ride, my ninjas,
and i'm holding on tight (to a bag of dirt and a watering can).
today,
i re-pot my favorite indoor tree.
huh?
oh.
don't i know it?
wild riding never felt so tame;
never quiet, never soft.....

feeding times.

duders,
it's one holy helluva long trip across new england to journey back and forth
between the woodsly goodness and the weak-sauce below and beneath us.
real talk.
who hits traffic on a sunday night?
i doo-doo that road-weary warrior poetic pilgrimage-type sh!t.
damn.
here's the thing, neighbors-
i saw my peoples,
i left some behind,
and i moved on.
it's never easy, but i think i consistently meet or exceed expectations,
at least when it comes to completing what's required of me
by the brutal bludgeoning burdens of responsible adulthood.
but,
that may also mean i'm no flippin' fun anymore.
i can't ever tell where those lines are drawn,
let alone if i'm crossing over invisible borderlands into lameness.
so mostly,
i do what i do best- drive, talk sh!t, and eat food until the minute i leave.
real talk.
it was full-blown full blooming cherry blossom season down there.
every half-an-A*-hole in new haven was taking pictures of trees.
seriously,
today may be erf day.
but yesterday was preemptive arbor activation for sure.
the streets were clogged with amateur photographers and professional morons.
that made my lunchtime mission a bit harder,
but when you're from somewhere, no matter how long you're away,
the ins and outs and in-betweens remain a part of your memory.
good news for me when there's a long line out the door and around the block
for a slice or two of world famous sauce and bread-type stuff.
huh?
oh.
check it out-
pepe's pizzeria has got a secret side location called the spot.
and no jokes my ninjas,
it hits the hot spot inside my guts.
it's next door to the big building,
and nobody knows it's the exact same thing.
(well, i know it, and now you do too)
pee-eye-zee-zee-aaaaay.
teleport:

yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup.
me and my girls and my ma got expert on a couple of tomato pies, y'all.
family togetherness and delicious little italy jauns for my face.
yeah.
***********
i delivered my daughters back to where they get their mail.
awwwwwwwwwww.
that sort of full-trip guil-trip breaks what's left of my heart, friends.
uh-huh.
i get sad.
real talk.
so, in order to temper the dark blue doldrums with some bright sidedness,
we rainbow activated some emergency tofutti first!!!

F*ing right, b!tches.
a sprankled sugar rush of coffee/oreo double scoopled crunch?
believe it.
it made the hard styles softer,
and the sharp ache of a see-you-later just a little duller.
*
...after stuffing my face full of fresh treats,
i hit the road again, again.
yessir.
driving north in the nighttimes definitely happened.
roundtrip road trip,
top to bottom back to top,
in one ferocious day of pavement pummeling pain.
that's life, ninjas.
it was great to see my folks,
and to say a proper goodbye to my big baby girls.
leave 'em wanting more, y'heard?
the height of good manners is knowing when to leave.
*
erf day.
the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
right now.
it's happening.
it was great to wake up late (7 a.m.) in my own sovereign realm.
there's something especially sacred about home and hearth, y'know?
today is the day, kids.
i'm alone,
but i'm where i belong;
never quiet, never soft.....

good advice.

neighbors,
when it comes to new haven,
there's only one thing worth remembering:

yeah.
play dumb, duders.
it might just be the thing that shows your dramatic range, after all.
thanks drippy-marker guy-
i wouldn't have thought of that if i hadn't seen it.
in a city chock full of condescending artsy smarty pants diaperbabies,
i guess it could be the best bet yet to be a little stoopidheaded.
...i'm up for it.
i mean, why not?
method acting is kind of my thing,
and i'm willing to bet that i can act the fool like nobody's business;
never quiet, never soft.....

short goodbyes and long drives.

this is it, duders.
my daughters depart for the southern climes of weaker sauce
and sh!ttier situations this morning.
awwwwwwwwww, man!
hard styles and car rides through all of the lamest parts of new england
are what's on our schedule for this not so easy sunday morning.
it's always the worst when i have to drive the whole way to the
waterbaby diaperpants sh!t-salad of connecticut.
ugh.
that's a helluva round trip, kids.
we'll be spanning time together across expanses of asphalt.
good music and better lunch are what i think we're gonna need.
who knows?
i may stay in the dirt-dirty doo-doo butter for a little minute.
anything could happen, homies.
more likely,
i'll turn right 'round after some emergency tofutti,
and head back to the hottness,
breaking north and running for the hills, an' that.
i hate goodbyes.
i don't know if i've ever mentioned that.
haha.
of course i have.
what am i?
a secret agent?
no way.
(of course, a secret agent would say that)
connecticut.
sunday.
goodbye.
today.
it's all really happening.
***********
i did make some terrific terrariums for the benefit of others, though.
yup.
more of that more-beautiful more-expert jauns employed
with elitist effortlessness and layers of careful consideration.
we don't want them to suck,
but we also don't want them to die.
there's all the ingredients for success stacked on each others' backs
inside that shiny polished glass, neighbors.
check the teleport:

african violets are dope.
especially with fancy gravel and neat lids encasing their faces.
word.
one super-hot microclimate greenhouse is dope,
but two is how many i made, because too many is just the right number.
re-teleport:

yeah.
that's an orchid, kid.
i get busy on these projects because one-subject mastery has never been my thing.
all-the-trades jacking is where i'm putting my mind,
and all the different little things i do are just tiles in a mighty mosaic of overcomplicated
truths and dares and derring-don'ts an' all kinds of other other sh!t,
i'm not a novelty,
i'm a curiosity.
i'm not a novel,
i'm a compendium.
warrior poetry is composed of variety, verity, and lightning.
also,
that's more encouraging than just being a crafty hermit, right?
i sure hope so.
ready or not,
we're on our way to where i'm from.
it's where i'm headed,
but not where i'm going;
never quiet, never soft.....

grown.

our last whole day together in the Fortress until summertime.
awwwwww, man.
watching kids get big is encouraging and depressing at the same time.
they're developing, and becoming, and growing,
and i'm just getting older.
ugh.
lucky for me,
these two valkyries of lightning-striking viking virtue and active participation
are also lovely in all the ways i am not.
check the proud-papa-type teleport:

c'mon.
they used to be itty-flippin' bitty babies!
like, yesterday or so.
what. the. F*. ??
time is storming the castle.
i preferred when it was laying siege to sleeplessness,
but i guess sovereigns need to weather the worst of it.
is that obnoxious?
it's true, at any rate.
-
neighbors,
i'll take all the ugly, lonley, sucky sh!t-salad of my normal everyday life
as fair-trade even-steven value for the magic minutes i've spanned with
these two terrific girls all week.
i am grateful for the time i have been given,
and for the co-conspirators i plot and plan with.
this might be the best part-
which implies the worst is yet to come.
i'm ready, if unwilling, to go back to being by myself for a bit;
never quiet, never soft.....

traditions.

harvest and maple are here for family togetherness and vacation funtimes.
that's a thing that happens on a fairly regular basis.
good thing, too-
because there are certain things that only happen when these
young ladies are present, accounted for, counted on,
and held accountable in the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
that's right, neighbors.
and the most expert event that gets poppin'?
well,
when it's barbarian clan roundtable berserker dinnertime,
then we're honor-bound to bake up a loaf or three or four of individually
amazing floret-infused spinach-stuffed nootch-blasted chee-mazing hottness.
c'mon.
you know what F*ing time it is, ninjas-
check the legendary special-occasion stromboli-style teleport:

yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup.
broccoli bread!
(with a little bit of spinach too, this time...we love too much soo much)!
we freak off our beige-and-green rolls of wholesome holy sh!tty goodness!
elsah and baby van took the girls for the day,
and treated them to ice cream and hikes and all kinds of shopping times...
so i rewarded that helpful interactive nature-type business
with a big ol' hot log of heavy, chewy, crusty, gooey globs of rolled-and-oiled
incredible edibility in tubular format.
yeah!
and everybody got their own, even:

recognize.
ALL the butts for ALL the b!tches.
that's how really real worthy warriors provide, son.
word up.
broccoli bread means a lot to me and mine.
it's something so simple,
but reserved and revered just for us.
i love that.
***********
....so that was dinner.
but THIS is breakfast....
check the big action saturday morning sensational vacation activation teleport:

rustic!
extra-fancy simple stuff to stuff our heads full of.
scrambled tofu crumbles, home-fired fries, and pink circles!
we doo-doo that, ninjas!
this vegan household makes a point of showing off.
i mean,
if i'm gonna be the weirdie dad from the mountains,
then i'm for-certain assuredly gonna be the dopest ugly weirdie of all time.
at least,
when i'm in this laboratorial tutorial kitchenspace.
real talk.
i do everything more beautifully,
and i look consistently more heinous.
there are some constants that bring comfort,
and secret currents that carry me to where i need to be.
i'm traveling along the ley lines of spirit and memory, my duders.
(there is water at the bottom of the ocean).
it's all happening.
last nights in town, and big meals beforehand;
never quiet, never soft.....

three kinds.

duders,
it's a foggy friday morning in the woodsly goodness,
and the trees are starting to finally catch a sheen of gold.
spring comes late to the north, y'know?
yeah.
we actually combat that kind of calamitous seasonal lag
with pure summertime hottness for our faces.
neighbors,
my cheesecakes are becoming kind of a thing.
for serious.
strawberries in powdered form, infusing red magic dust into the
dense and creamy white cakey parts,
with just the right amount of pectin and pink to activate the nutrients?
uh-huh.
i've been freaking off the crust, too, with oats and brown sugar,
i mean it-
pretty soon,
it'll be intentionally gluten-free as well as totally expert.
that's right.
...and what's better than one berry?
ummm, i'm pretty sure it's two!
c'mon.
so if there's already strawberries,
we need blueberries, right?
obviously.
but,
why would we stop there when i have raspberries hanging out at the Fortress?
you know it, ninjas.
the opportunity to go to eleven was right there in front of me.
(i seized it)
triple berry blops all over the top of this mutha-sucka!!
check the overhyped teleport:

F*ing right!
it tastes better than it looks,
and we can probably all agree it is more beautiful than anything you ate yesterday.
awwwwwwww.
we get it in, kids.
really real life accented with epic eats?
we doo-do that fancy sh!t, just about every single day.
yeah.
***********
the cucch came up for a surprise dinner,
and my main man ian popped by and hung out, too.
active participation, and involved individuals, y'all.
i'm only ever interested in that sort of thing.
we are a runaway carnival train, for certain;
strongmen and acrobats and clowns and fire breathers,
and wild rides in every direction.
we can't stop doing what we do,
and honestly,
we won't stop until we're completely derailed.
hammerheads and roustabouts, yo.
we're taking adult collision courses in continuing catastrophes!
if you can't hang out,
you probably don't.
just sayin'-
where you at, folks?
it's happening, with or without the rest of you;
never quiet, never soft.....

apothecarious.

duders,
my kids know what's up.
dungeony dragony outdoor fort-building role-play
mystical wizard-type sh!t is how they get rad.
and sometimes,
when you're getting rad,
you need a little something extra, from the vaults.
the vaults of the ultimate super turbo-nerd dungeon master, y'heard?
wu-TANG!
yep.
a cache of crucial apothecary elements is just what the doctor ordered.
and by doctor,
i mean thaumaturge from the wolds and wilds of the woodsly goodness;
and by that,
i mean me, of course.
who else is a worthy warrior poet of dorkiness and fantasy monster sh!t.
check the casks of druid-healing-style teleport:

yeah.
we take jars and upcycle them into the new hottness.
active participation is the name of our crafty little game, neighbors.
we doo-doo that anti-werewolf curse powder jauns, for sure.
the kids made 'em themselves.
i helped with the burning and the boiling and the buying, for sure,
but they got fresh with their inescapable victorious viking DNA business.
nature wins,
and woodsly goodfellows can't escape their individual infinite affinities.
it's the truth.
***********
another 'nother thursday,
and another unhealthy overdose of thunder.
tattbombs and togetherness,
family times and hard times,
treats for our faces,
trials for our hearts...
today, kids, it's all really happening,
just like every day;
never quiet, never soft.....

less rock more bloxxx.

me and mine know how to make a good time even better.
harvest and maple and i made sure to stay up late and bake
some oatmeal chocolate chip cinnamon cookies for our faces!
uh-huh.
nighttime treats activation?
we doo-doo that family togetherness interactive participation jauns.
that's word.
check the teleport:

neighbors,
they're so good.
but then again,
they kind if always are.
***********
we really packed in a full day yesterday, neighbors.
we drove down to portland (east).
a burly lunch at the green elephant saw us sit down and overdo it.
really.
we sort of have to shovel piles of beige food into our faces
as hard and as fast as we could pinch and pick with our skinny sticks.
yeah.
chop stick speed eating is where it's at, y'all.
forks are for babies.
then we witnessed jurassic park in IMAX 3D turbo hottness.
yep.
giant dinosaurs even more giant on the big(ger) screen,
in super sonicsurround sound and three illusory dimensions!!
dinosaurs are dope, duders.
that's not even allowed to be debated.
thunder lizards bringing the thunder twenty years later?
ugh,
twenty years ago!
dang.
hard styles and short waits,
considering the hundreds of millions of years it took
to make dinosaurs show up and disappear the first time.
epics and epochs and awesome monsters from actual history!
yeah.
that's a great way to span a day off.
fat, entertained, and psyched on spanning time;
sharing food and experiences and making memories an' that.
***********
we've got more baking to get busy with today, of course.
it's kind of a thing we do.
activating treats gives us time to work together as a team.
our very own rock bloc.
i couldn't enjoy two girls more than these two.
that's real.
the bestest ones, right here in the Folk life & Liberty Fortress.
the woodsly goodness as well as my really real life are all enriched
by the time and space we occupy as a squad of squalling skalds.
this is what's happening.
this is when it's happening;
never quiet, never soft.....

baking food.

haha.
duders,
it's not just sweet treats i fire up inside my big metal box of hottness.
for serious,
i also get expert on regular non-dessert food up inside that oven.
uh-huh.
when i get italian vegan activational nutrients all together in one spot,
i make sure to turn the big action all the way up to eleven.
yeah.
that's real.
like,
four kinds of not-chee' to make the filling,
with crumbly not-meat seasoned up and sauteed with onions and g.p.op.
and all the good-time spices from basil to oregano and all the secret ones in between.
yup.
then,
with some sauce and a whole bunch of boxes of cute-as-F* mini penne regate
(that's the zitis on a slant, and with lines, neighbors)
me and my family got berserker barbarian shark-glutton indulgent on a bowl or five.
word up.
check the teleport:

c'mon.
red and saucy and so flippin' dope.
we really made a monster amount:

ugh.
that's what's up.
too much is the right amount.
i know you know it,
i'm just saying it one more time to practice what i'm speaking on.
get it?
good.
**********
it's my friday.
the woodsly goodsly family togetherness weekend funtimes begin at 6p.m.
what are we gonna do?
who knows?
who cares?
anything can happen, y'all.
that's the best part.
we're on an adventure into the future.
there will be leftover lazy lasagna, probably.
oh,
and i bet you thought my friends stopped being rad, too.
wrong!
kelly and amanda came to visit the studio.
some folks just bring the good feelings wherever they go,
even when they feel like sh!t.
lucky for me,
i'm a magnet for positive interpersonal interaction.
uh-huh.
that's a thing.
they also brought me some treats:

yessir.
my friends are so good.
i am grateful for the people orbiting around my atmosphere.
i've got the best ones,
and we've got each other,
and it is definitely all cultivated in concentric coincidental circular form.
i'm tying strings together,
to keep them close and anchor my head, hands, and feet firmly in the
folks who fuel this Folk Life.
this is the time i have been given,
and i'm making it matter as much as i possibly can;
never quiet, never soft.....

handsome.

my friends are better than yours.
still.
and sure,
seven of you all know each other already,
so you're excluded from that statement.
otherwise,
it's no contest.
handsome adam left this morning,
and very sad we were to see him go.
here he is,
for all of you who don't know what i'm talking about:

yeah.
you're welcome.
...and apparently, so am i.
check the viking virtue teleport:

that's what's up neighbors.
wrenchie knifey stab-adjustment activation!!
so dope.
i mean,
who gets a going away present from the person who is going away?
(i do, duders)
the bar has been raised for active participation, kids.
we had a time,
and we had so much good food,
and we even started a sexy new project you'll be seeing more of super soon.
keeping it expert is how we doo-doo it,
and taking it to eleven is what's happening.
those kinds of duders-
the ones who understand gratitude and generosity;
those are the righteous and worthy warrior poets who are always
welcome back here at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress any and every time.
real talk.
***********
in other news,
me and my people are still getting rad up here in the woodsly goodness.
cucchie got so flippin' busy humpty-dumping some dumplings last night.
that's right. he rolled some dough,
and i packed it full of power, and pinched each pouch shut tight,
and then all the hot fire ensued immediately afterwards-

yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup.
we stuffed our big dumb heads with a kaleidoscope of new hottness.
check the super-s'chuan presentation teleport:

yeah.
scallions, sesame toasties, and sauce.
we roll 'em in the seeds,
we bite off the tips,
we fire a spoonful of sauce down into those damn dirty dumps,
and huck a smidge of green onion into our mouths
before we sharkbite the whole remaining magic-satchel down the hatch.
that's how we get busy, kids.
me and my peoples are spanning time together.
that's it.
family togetherness is in F*ing full effect;
never quiet, never soft.....

breakfast cakery.

we eat panniecakes when we have guests.
that's just the way it is.
and we don't just eat a shystie short stack of sh!tty ones, either.
no way.
we get expert on the big ones,
with coconut flour and chocolate chips and oatmeal,
and yogurty vegan wetness,
and syrup and fruit, and powdered flippin' sugar blopped on the tippy tops.
too much is the right amount,
and that's all we're really interested in starting our day with.
check the teleport:

big breakfasty goodness for me and mine.
because we need to have enough powerful sauce to activate all the
radical runaway participation and puerile pugilistic puns an' that, too.
we doo-doo that sort of freaky sh!t whenever we can.
why?
because rules is rules, neighbors,
and when we refer to rules,
we really mean decrees.
yeah.
the nutrients hit us with full force,
and fired us all the way up for a furious day
of sourpuss sour patch watermelon slices,
and canadian-made swedish-style fish.
candy bomb attack!!!!
it's occasionally the most effective way to get berserker fresh with it.
c'mon.
sugar and spice and not much else in the way of nicey nice?
we GOT they.
for the record,
while i recognize that i'm showing off how much more rad my meals are than yours;
i'm also trying to demostrate to y'all all that cooking is good for you.
i mean it.
because eating is a great big part of what we're all all about
up here in the woodsly goodsly vegan world.
active, intensive, intentional interaction with our continued survival is what's up.
we fill our bellies and fuel our furnaces with the most elite ingredients,
because we ARE what we eat.
that's why we only get extra eleveny hottness from this
Folk Life & Liberty laboratorial test kitchen.
believe it.
***********
...and then the cucch showed up and sh!t got really real.
more on that later, kids;
never quiet, never soft.....

three amigos.

you know the drill, neighbors:

yeah.
keep your little ones lovely,
but also make sure that you yourself
stay ugly, stay dope;
and stay together.
the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress is in full effect.
full hearts and full houses;
never quiet, never soft.....

road weary, road hog.

who drove in all the icy sh!t-salad that new england could hurl at him?
yeah.
it was me.
...and my copilot handsome adam rode shotgun for the longest,
slipperiest, traffic-packed hard-hearted black-iced brutality we could've
skidded and slalomed through on a ferocious april showery storming friday.
ugh.
it was pretty terrible, y'all.
that's real.
so,
i'm sorta sorry about spending the whole day in the car, duder!
but that's what happens when you want to get something good.
it costs something awful.
without the bitter, the sweet's just not as sweet, y'heard?
and sometimes,
in the in-between times from acrid to sugary,
you have to take a gamble on a memory of a place,
and try to make the magic happen as a consolation prize for an otherwise
inescapably gaytarded bowing-down to mature responsible adult obligations.
huh?
oh.
we went rogue on our road trip,
and detoured to susty's, neighbors.
yeah.
susty's radical vegan eats cafe, my ninjas.
we ate weird soy fritters, and tofu fries, and 'scuits and gravy:

yum4tum.
and then we got expert on some seitan pepper steaks:

wordimus prime.
the lame chips got activated on adam's courteous request,
and they got nacho-holed to to eleven.
dope.
and then i had a brownie,
because i was already full, so i had to hurt myself a little more:

ugh.
fatness for my face,
and aches for my bellyhole.
i doo-doo that.
**********
then,
filled to the brim,
we bounced a bit farther south,
and sat in a suckhole of negativity,
in the rain,
behind a bunch of weak-sauce b!tchbags on the highway.
i'm pretty sure that only A*-holes were on the road yesterday.
i mean, besides us, obviously.
adding hours to an already overlong journey is great, right?
no way.
but,
we picked up the princesses,
and they're here with us safe and sound and so dope.
family togetherness is in effect, kids.
with MY kids, even.
it's all really happening,
and freezing rain, harsh winds, and schedule conflicts aren't gonna
turn any of it down even one little notch.
the future is where we're headed;
never quiet, never soft.....

snowtrips.

don't sleep on the activation, neighbors.
i mean it.
i think i've mentioned that my friends are better than yours?
well,
that's because it's true.
handsome adam has been up for a few,
all the way from far away minneaopolis,
and we're getting pretty flippin' expert.
not only that,
but we're getting there the way louder and even harder way,
and we're also keeping it very flippin' fresh while we're at it.
that's kind of how it happens when it all really happens.
what was breakfast like on day one?
well,
it was obviously a rad fresh-baked vegan explosion for our faces!
c'mon, kids-
don't be dumb.
check the teleport instead:

yuuuuuuuuuuuup.
a vat of superiorly-steeped irish-type breakfast tea
and a plate of cranberry-mini-chocolate-chip extra-buttery flaky-layered scones.
word up.
we eat like savage sharks from the primordial realm of eternal appetites, y'all.
and we like it like that.
*
y'ever heard of breakfast dessert?
it's what you treat yourself to after you treat yourself to treats for breakfast.
yeah.
the name of it is what it is.
that's a thing.
we had that.
and it was beyond comparisons, friends.
check the even newer even hotter new hottness teleport:

holy. F*ing. sh!tballs.
a chocolatey graham crackery crust, with a sprankling of oatmeal in it?
yeah.
a layer of extra melty chocolate on top of the cheesiest cakey part yet?
of course.
and a layer of pinkish-reddish goobieblops with strawberry fruithearts over that?
it goes to eleven,
and it goes down my throat into the happiest guts in the universe.
i have it here,
and you could've had some if you'd bothered to show up.
too bad you were busy, huh?
oh well, that just means more for me, b!tchbags.
just sayin'.
*
did it stop there?
what are you?
an A*-hole?
we brought the barbarian brutality to semi-southeaster asia-type dinnertimes.
pre-game tofu attack teleport:

key limes, ninjas.
i might be the cutest one in the kitchentimes.
ha.
i mean,
i even used little mini baby peppers.
and while i cut the radishes and carrots into matching circles,
i also sliced the celery on a slant.
i like it nicey-nice when my peoples are here.
and when it's time to feed company at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress?
yuuuuuuuuuup.
the super-fancy unnecessary tricks get brought out.

noodoo redux,
with shallots and sprouts and scallions and soy sauce and sesame seeds
and snow peas and some other stuff that doesn't start with an 'S', too.
like cilantro,
which still sounds like it does, duders.
haha.
are those fancy heirloom multicolored baby tomatoes?
sure.
and weird cucmber slices?
without question.
we ate well,
and we ate a lot.
that's been the basis of our introductory broski-mo hang outs.
it doesn't look liable to change much today either.
we do what we do,
and let nature win by choosing it's own course.
***********
today,
we're taking a ride south of heaven,
to some weaker-saucy spots.
awwwwww.
why would we ruin it by leaving the woodsly goodness?
because it has to happen, homies.
yep.
without the trip,
we lose out on the best part.
believe me.
i'm headed downrange to pick up the two most terrific girls i know.
uh-huh.
that's right.
harvest and maple are coming up today,
for a ten-spot of family togetherness and epic activation.
april (snow)showers are our companion weather this afternoon,
but two incredible young ladies are our copilots tonight.
i'm excited to recharge my good feelings with funtime vacation dad-type stuff.
today is the day, all day.
it begins now,
and it doesn't ever know when to say when;
never quiet, never soft.....

bonsai.

so,
juniper bushes are pretty prolific.
there's lots of different kinds of it.
i scoped out the blue star, and the andorra,
but it was the rug juniper that i bought and brought back with me.
it's got the tendril-branches like on karate uniforms.
dope.
and then i also got a super-sexy new shallow blue-glazed pot
to let him grow up all biggish and strongish within.
except,
since he's destined to be a bonsai,
he won't be branching out as far as he'd like to,
at least not before i clip, snip, snap, prune,
and trim away his best ambitions.
don't get too excited, little shuriken-leaved buddy,
i'm here to crush your dreams and bend you to my will.
so i guess i'm kind of like his dad, y'know?
nature wins, but warrior poetry endures.
ha.
take a look at this spiky sprout on his first day at his new career
of being a stunted and sculpted bare-root bonsai baby.
teleport:

yuuuuuuuuuuuup.
sheet moss and magic-type fancy gravel and everything.
i doo-doo that horticultural activation sh!t.
it's true.
but that's not even it, neighbors.
i went and got myself a whole other juniper;
another other 'nother different kind, even,
and potted her A* in a box, as well.
...and then i got excited, and got even more plants.
i gave one away,
but i also got a weird moss plant,
and i put it's fuzzy F*ing face inside a jar, too:

expert!
the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress is teeming with greenery.
yeah.
i just want to surround myself with sexy samples of real life,
and then contain them and keep them and own them.
i may be a cultivator of coincidences,
but i am also a nurturer of all kinds of growth.
but only insofar as i get to have the ultimate deciding vote on how much
of that lusty life living gets to get gotten.
yeah.
i'm like that, i suppose.
thrive, but don't get carried away;
flourish, but only when i say so;
love me, adore me, cherish me-
but really: do as i say.
i'm making moves, and i'm making decisions,
and i'm watering all the roots around here while i'm at it.
i guess that's just the way it's gonna to be;
never quiet, never soft.....

sharking that gluttony.

sometimes, duders.
sometimes i wait until almost the very last minute.
i'm doing my taxes, or at least, having them professionally prepared,
today.
which meant that i spanned last night in the reams of paperwork
we compiled in compliance with preferred and accepted methods
of amassing records of what we've done and spent and all that.
it also meant reliving some of the lowlights of the worst year of my whole life.
yup.
rehashing life before hashtags, even.
it's a hard style, neighbors,
but it's custom cut, fit, and tailored to my irregular-sized loud freshness.
and that's no joke.
the self-loathing and self-destructive cyclone of erratic and emphatic behavior
in receipts and proof of purchase.
evidence of an overlong eviction process, kids.
it's not easy.
but nothing worth even half a sh!t ever is.
dang.
i powered up my batteries with a disgustingly large portion of heroism.
like, as in- hero sandwiches.
y'know?
hoagies, grinders, submarines, and so on and so forth and on and on?
yuuuuuuuuuuup.
vegan fancy activation, with non-meaty balls,
and other assorted italian-themed hottness.
check the shark-glutton teleport:

c'mon.
two of 'em?
uh-huh.
i may be trying to be a fatlard blarp monster again.
those twin ten-inchers of terror have fra diavolo sauce spicing it up,
and daiya(rrhea) chee' getting sloppy under the sopping brown balls.
(that's exactly what she said, too)
uh-huh.
fried chee strips, son!
i pan-seared those faux-cheesy jauns into greasy stripes
of gummy goodness all by their lonesome!
expert?
obviously.
there's caramelized sweet onions and chopped broccolini,
and even some iron-rich nutrient-laden popeye-type spinach in those muthas, too
yes, indeed, duders,
i doo-doo that luxurious deluxe fancy business,
and then i take it to eleven .
how?
well,
by powering down all twenty inches and three-or-so pounds of bread
and sauce and stuff in about seven minutes of megalodontic biting,
tearing, and swallowing.
on the really real ones, y'all:
what the b!tch-F* is chewing??!?
......oh.
apparently,
it's for A*-holes.
that figures.
at least we all know that that sort of weak-sauce
is NOT ever getting invited to my make-out parties.
*
death and taxes, friends.
death, hopefully, only claims you the once in her cold, final everlong embrace-
and not as a dependent, or head of household,
and definitely keeps witholding for as long as possible....
but taxes on the other other hand?
those d!cklords try to kill your whole face right off,
like a dolphin rape-attack on dry land, every single year.
in quarterly installments of booster-shot buttholery, even.
yuck.
it's the finite timeframe of the infinite natural disorder of something for nothing, i think.
and it's happening.
today.
wotan and his one eye are stink winking my wednesday!
dick the accountant (true story) is scrutinizing my papers,
and some other other semi-imaginary whitehair named uncle sam
is trying to stick me for my papers.
spreadsheets and spread cheeks, folks.
i'm ready for my close-up, i guess;
never quiet, never soft.....

butterfingered.

peanut butter and coconut and chocolate,
all at once in the same place, for all your F*ing faces.
that's what i was up to this afternoon.
that's right, neighbors-
i made special april showery cuppiecakes,
and i activated the gooey center with homestyle butterfingerism.
simmering a vat of peanutty blops with flaky real-life coconut,
and lots of chocolate.
my magical expert vegan recipeless baking skills are growing by
heroic leaps and epic bounds.
check the pastel seasonally-appropriate nonpareil teleport:

these muthas are F*ing delicious, neighbors.
you like those springtime-fresh sprankles?
yeah.
i know you do.
and those doo-doo dollops on the tippity-tops?
heck yeah.
little swirly choco-co-nut goobieblops make all of it even better.
c'mon, y'all.
that's the only way to get busy with my big business.
i bake treats and i make small pictures and i play with plants.
i also do my damnedest to keep it pretty flippin' really real.
this is how we live in the woodsly goodness.
Folk Life.
and Liberty.
all the time.
today is the day,
just the same as yesterday and tomorrow.
i wish you were here, kids.
maybe someday,
maybe soon,
we'll all be where we're supposed to.
that'd be great, wouldn't it?
i think so too;
never quiet, never soft.....