Tuesday, September 3

revisiting/time travel.

the thing about loss?
it hurts.
a lot.
and it keeps on hurting until it doesn't.
that's an awfully awful and unpredictable period of time.
the schedule doesn't allow for much room to speed things up.
it just feels like there's a great big ugly empty hole
that just lingers and loiters around for as long as it takes to refill it,
or for us to learn to ignore the absence of what's been lost.
we either replace what's missing, or build up an immunity to it's lack.
just like that.
snap your fingers, snap out of it, get over it, get busy.
i mean, right?
i've got cavities.
not body cavities.
don't be dumb.
my dental outlook is positive,
and my ears, nose, mouth and butthole are taken for granted.
i've got cavities...
great big ugly open recesses, crevasses, cracks, splits, rents, dents,
depressions, pits, craters, and abysses.
there's a lot missing.
i'm more holes than cheese.
(which is the bright side, because cheese is F*ing disgusting)
i think i'm more like a spiderweb than a person, y'know?
sure, it takes up a lot of an allotted area,
but most of that is empty space and not substance,
no matter how tensile and tactile the sinews in the betweens are...
and even then, it's almost definitely got spiders on it.
webs have a purpose.
and it's only to abet the worst added little bit of horror!
a tricky sticky woven net of subtle subterfuge-
and whatever gets caught or captured destroys it a little bit.
a F*ing web, duders.
nightmare sh!t for certain.
the more i amass, the more i need repairing?
sounds about right.
i'm not trying to be the big bum-out,
i'm just writing about what's really happening.
phantom limbs are a thing, sure,
and you sometimes feel your fingers in empty space.
that's pretty weird.
are there phantom organs?
i think so.
i've got the twitch and itch of a discarded viscus,
the thumping echo of a disused furnace pushing opposites
into a haunted hollow-
a cavity inside a cavity-
cooled, shivered, sundered, splintered, and frostbitten.
a ghost heart.
is that a thing?
seems like maybe it is.
so far,
september feels like a pretty hard style;
never quiet, never soft.....

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